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Cinco de mayo has always seemed a dubious holiday for me...
#1 Tequila does not like me... or rather to say, my liver does not respond well to its siren song...
#2 There was one Cinco de Mayo when I went out with Serpico and Dr. Fizz, and I purposely didn't drink that much, and that notwithstanding, my car got towed!!! So at 1:30 in the morning, I had to call the misses and have her come get our slack asses! I wanna say this was around 98 or 99... but I'm leaning towards 99...
#3 Then there was the "grand-daddy" or all cinco de mayos: 2005!
By the spring of 05, I was consulting at my current gig full time, m-f. I was also teaching on the weekends, fri/sat AND sat/sun. I worked 7 days a week, and it sucked balls.
I would often run away to Lexington on a random tuesday or wednesday to break up the Monotony.
05/05/05 I decided to party in the Lextown, and called up Peck and Serpico.
Like most nights, it started out at McArthy's. Unlike most nights, instead of Jager, we started with Tequila. And by we, I mean mostly me, cos no one else would drink that turpentine.
What follows next is a tale that has been recounted many times, and this is my version:
So, we're at the Irish bar, pounding back the teq's... The time flies as we're in rare form, drinkin' and entertaining, and somewhere along the way, I get hammered... So hammered, in fact, that my second liver starts threatening to leave me (and later would!)
But that doesn't stop us me... we push on, and leave McA's to walk over to Redmons. Except for the problem being that I can't walk. Well, I can put one foot in front of the other, but it takes a lot of concentration, so much so in fact, that it is frequently pointed out that I look like a zombie.
As we round the corner to Redmons, this is the part in the story that, when HE tells it, Serpico states the bouncer at Redmons makes eye contact with him, points to me, and says "No way is HE coming in HERE!" So we get in line.
Except that's not good enough for me. Serp drops me the dime that I have been flagged and blacklisted, so I go into stealth mode (well, drunken stealth mode) and 100% SUCCESSFULLY CON MY WAY INTO THE BAR! Yeah, Bitches!! I still gots it!
Or so I think.
I get INTO the bar, and even get a wrist strap!
Then, the Tequila starts talkin' to me: "Where are your friends? Why aren't they here?!" I listen intently and attempt to cohesively explain "Well, Tequila, they are still in line... they will be here in a minute... let's get a beer and listen to the music." "Fuck that, ya puss!" retorts Tequila, "Get out there and let them know you're in!!" "Well, they prolly SAW me come in..." "No, dood, you need to let them KNOW!"
That is how it all went down in my addled brain.
So, like a genious, I go BACK OUTSIDE!?! WTF?!
I pop my head out, see Peck and Serpico (who face palms as soon as we make eye contact!) and proceed to announce "I'm In!! I'm In!!" Which they swears sounds more like a mexi version of "Ahhhm Eeeeen! Ahhhm Eeeen!"
Somehow, someway, for some reason, Peck takes this as an invitation to rush the line and crash in with me. And he does!
We are both IN!!!!!!!
Then, Tequila says "hey, what about serp?! He's not eeeeen!!"
I go BACK outside, and to here Serpico tell the tale, I stand RIGHT NEXT to the bouncer, and announce to the line "Luns!! We're Eeeen!! We snuck right in, and these mutha fucka's don't even know it!!!" In his versions, I'm yelling this loudly and sluringly, all the while kidney punching the bouncer that I've managed to sneak past twice. Eventually Peck joins into the chorus "We're Eeen!! We're Eeen!"
So of course we get thrown out, the lot of us. By the lot of us, I mean me. My friends diligently follow my drunken, dejected, slobberish ass to Rosebuds. Peck and I walk up to the bar, and he buys me a shot. For some reason, Serp takes offense to this. Peck's stance was "well, he ASKED for it..." Serp gets madder.
I'm sitting on a stool at the bar, and there is a brunette next to me... she asks me "are you alright?!" And I reply "well, I'm a little drunk" to which see replies "well, if you want, you can kinda lean on me." So I do.
Unfortunately, apparently that conversation only took place in my HEAD, not our MOUTHS. Double unfortunately, apparently the brunette doesn't want some tequila soaked irishman leaning on her at a random bar. Serpico once again comes to my rescue, smoothes things over with ms leany, and proceeds to take me outside.
He asks me if I want to go home. For a millisecond, I sober up enough to look straight in his eyes and say "yes please!"
So he takes me outside, hails a cab, and as I start to climb in, i kinda stumble a little bit, and he LITERALLY puts his foot on my ass, and kicks me into the goddamn cab. At the time, I was grateful, cos the climb into that cab might as well have been tryin' to get to the top of mt. everest... I was strugglin'!
So, I'm in the cab, and slur the directions back to his apt to the driver. We actually manage to hit an ATM on the way so I can get some cash.
I wake up the next morning, only to discover my liver left in the middle of the night... there were small sutures to reduce scarring, and a note by my luggage that said "sorry, this just isn't working for me..."
To add insult to injury, I managed to have lost my cell phone! Boo!!! But at least I had my wallet, ID, and bank card... so that was something.
It was Friday, it was 7:30am, and I was in Lexington... I use Serp's phone to call into work and tell them I'm sick. And God was I... I spend the rest of the morning drinking water and sleeping, then we drive to Louisville... I'm not sure why or how, and he may be able to fill in some gaps, but Serp rode with me, and I think I taught that night, but I'm not sure how exactly he got back to Lextown.
Thus the tale of Cinco de Mayo '05, why I hardly ever drink tequila, and the origin of the reference of "I'm Eeen!! I'm Eeen!!"
Muzak: A classic -> Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honor Or Humanity vs. Black Eyed Peas - Pump It = Pump Bill
#1 Tequila does not like me... or rather to say, my liver does not respond well to its siren song...
#2 There was one Cinco de Mayo when I went out with Serpico and Dr. Fizz, and I purposely didn't drink that much, and that notwithstanding, my car got towed!!! So at 1:30 in the morning, I had to call the misses and have her come get our slack asses! I wanna say this was around 98 or 99... but I'm leaning towards 99...
#3 Then there was the "grand-daddy" or all cinco de mayos: 2005!
By the spring of 05, I was consulting at my current gig full time, m-f. I was also teaching on the weekends, fri/sat AND sat/sun. I worked 7 days a week, and it sucked balls.
I would often run away to Lexington on a random tuesday or wednesday to break up the Monotony.
05/05/05 I decided to party in the Lextown, and called up Peck and Serpico.
Like most nights, it started out at McArthy's. Unlike most nights, instead of Jager, we started with Tequila. And by we, I mean mostly me, cos no one else would drink that turpentine.
What follows next is a tale that has been recounted many times, and this is my version:
So, we're at the Irish bar, pounding back the teq's... The time flies as we're in rare form, drinkin' and entertaining, and somewhere along the way, I get hammered... So hammered, in fact, that my second liver starts threatening to leave me (and later would!)
But that doesn't stop us me... we push on, and leave McA's to walk over to Redmons. Except for the problem being that I can't walk. Well, I can put one foot in front of the other, but it takes a lot of concentration, so much so in fact, that it is frequently pointed out that I look like a zombie.
As we round the corner to Redmons, this is the part in the story that, when HE tells it, Serpico states the bouncer at Redmons makes eye contact with him, points to me, and says "No way is HE coming in HERE!" So we get in line.
Except that's not good enough for me. Serp drops me the dime that I have been flagged and blacklisted, so I go into stealth mode (well, drunken stealth mode) and 100% SUCCESSFULLY CON MY WAY INTO THE BAR! Yeah, Bitches!! I still gots it!
Or so I think.
I get INTO the bar, and even get a wrist strap!
Then, the Tequila starts talkin' to me: "Where are your friends? Why aren't they here?!" I listen intently and attempt to cohesively explain "Well, Tequila, they are still in line... they will be here in a minute... let's get a beer and listen to the music." "Fuck that, ya puss!" retorts Tequila, "Get out there and let them know you're in!!" "Well, they prolly SAW me come in..." "No, dood, you need to let them KNOW!"
That is how it all went down in my addled brain.
So, like a genious, I go BACK OUTSIDE!?! WTF?!
I pop my head out, see Peck and Serpico (who face palms as soon as we make eye contact!) and proceed to announce "I'm In!! I'm In!!" Which they swears sounds more like a mexi version of "Ahhhm Eeeeen! Ahhhm Eeeen!"
Somehow, someway, for some reason, Peck takes this as an invitation to rush the line and crash in with me. And he does!
We are both IN!!!!!!!
Then, Tequila says "hey, what about serp?! He's not eeeeen!!"
I go BACK outside, and to here Serpico tell the tale, I stand RIGHT NEXT to the bouncer, and announce to the line "Luns!! We're Eeeen!! We snuck right in, and these mutha fucka's don't even know it!!!" In his versions, I'm yelling this loudly and sluringly, all the while kidney punching the bouncer that I've managed to sneak past twice. Eventually Peck joins into the chorus "We're Eeen!! We're Eeen!"
So of course we get thrown out, the lot of us. By the lot of us, I mean me. My friends diligently follow my drunken, dejected, slobberish ass to Rosebuds. Peck and I walk up to the bar, and he buys me a shot. For some reason, Serp takes offense to this. Peck's stance was "well, he ASKED for it..." Serp gets madder.
I'm sitting on a stool at the bar, and there is a brunette next to me... she asks me "are you alright?!" And I reply "well, I'm a little drunk" to which see replies "well, if you want, you can kinda lean on me." So I do.
Unfortunately, apparently that conversation only took place in my HEAD, not our MOUTHS. Double unfortunately, apparently the brunette doesn't want some tequila soaked irishman leaning on her at a random bar. Serpico once again comes to my rescue, smoothes things over with ms leany, and proceeds to take me outside.
He asks me if I want to go home. For a millisecond, I sober up enough to look straight in his eyes and say "yes please!"
So he takes me outside, hails a cab, and as I start to climb in, i kinda stumble a little bit, and he LITERALLY puts his foot on my ass, and kicks me into the goddamn cab. At the time, I was grateful, cos the climb into that cab might as well have been tryin' to get to the top of mt. everest... I was strugglin'!
So, I'm in the cab, and slur the directions back to his apt to the driver. We actually manage to hit an ATM on the way so I can get some cash.
I wake up the next morning, only to discover my liver left in the middle of the night... there were small sutures to reduce scarring, and a note by my luggage that said "sorry, this just isn't working for me..."
To add insult to injury, I managed to have lost my cell phone! Boo!!! But at least I had my wallet, ID, and bank card... so that was something.
It was Friday, it was 7:30am, and I was in Lexington... I use Serp's phone to call into work and tell them I'm sick. And God was I... I spend the rest of the morning drinking water and sleeping, then we drive to Louisville... I'm not sure why or how, and he may be able to fill in some gaps, but Serp rode with me, and I think I taught that night, but I'm not sure how exactly he got back to Lextown.
Thus the tale of Cinco de Mayo '05, why I hardly ever drink tequila, and the origin of the reference of "I'm Eeen!! I'm Eeen!!"
Muzak: A classic -> Tomoyasu Hotei - Battle Without Honor Or Humanity vs. Black Eyed Peas - Pump It = Pump Bill