5/23/ 14 Believe -07
What a cruel torture it was for him to hear that no matter what he did with his life, he was always supposed to end up a patient in Bellhaven. True, he'd been in worse facilities than this one. This actually wasn't too bad in comparison. There had been places that he could have sworn were feeding the patient’s dog food or the ones were the staff was deliberately mean because, really who was going to listen to a bunch of straight jacket wearing nut jobs if they complained?
No matter when Jensen went back to his room the idiot insomniac would still be wide awake probably humming Christmas carols and staring at the walls since he wasn’t there to be stared creepily at. As he headed down the dingy corridor, making his way back to his room, the things Jared had said still nagged at him.
The biggest irritation was the mention of Tom.
His Tom.
He hadn’t seriously thought about Tom in years or spoken of him in even longer but now the memories were back, fresh and raw inundating his brain like a sidewalk crack in a downpour.
For anyone else to know anything about those private moments he held so dear in his heart was unsettling to him. Things no one could have known, like Tom loving him as much as… Love? Hell, what they felt was even bigger than love. For him, back then it was bigger than the whole freakin’ universe. The first time Tom said those three words to him was magical and made him he feel brand new. If someone like Tom could feel *that* way about him than maybe he wasn’t as bad as he’d been made to believe. He continued to wrack his brain trying to figure out how it was even possible for Jared to know anything about that part of his life that he kept so protected.
Unless…
But that was too crazy for even him to believe and wasn’t that the exact reason Jared was in Bellhaven, why they all were in Bellhaven to begin with.
Jensen scratched his head as he stood in front of the door to his room, procrastinating, nervous to return, before pushing it open only to find the same scene he envisioned - Jared wearing the hat, wide hazel eyes staring off into space.
Jensen’s head shook in mock disbelief, smiling slightly at his roommate, as he flopped down onto his bed.
“I'm soooooo sorry, Jensen. I shouldn’t have said anything.” Jared said from across the room as he turned his head, wide hopeful eyes on a sad face.
Jensen heard him loud and clear but didn’t reply. He didn’t want to get back into the conversation. He wanted to pretend it was over. He needed to lock Tom back up into that part of his brain and privately process whatever it was he was feeling. So he pulled out his iPod and rolled over.
During the next few days the air in their little room kept growing thicker with tension and their conversations turned into grunts and one word answers but Jared kept on chattering at Jensen constantly, desperate to get the other man to not be mad at him anymore. No matter how silent Jensen was being, he needed to keep trying, keep apologizing for his mistake.
“Please say something to me? You’re angry, I understand that, and I’m so so so sorry. But I like you. And I can’t stand knowing that you’re mad at me.”
“If you know everything… then you should’ve known to keep your mouth shut about…him. Everything… else whatever.” Jensen shrugged looking directly at him.
This made Jared’s heart leap a little. Finally. It was a sentence. It wasn’t what he had hoped for, not an “I forgive you” or “No worries” but still it was real words and a little eye contact. Things could only improve from there and they needed to. Jared knew that time was of the essence.
The next morning when Jensen wandered over to the nurse’s station to wait for Dr, Collins, his eyes traveled over to the calendar hanging on the wall. December’s picture was, you guessed it, Christmas themed. A sleigh filled with brightly decorated packages and golden retriever pups dressed in green and red elf hats. He followed the X’s crossing off the days. Five days til Christmas. The days really did fly by. Not like he needed to know what day it was. here In Bellhaven, he didn’t need to know or remember anything. All his needs were taken care of in the scheduled order. Food, meds, sessions with the good doctor, there was always someone around to tell him what came next.
Jensen thought about the words Jared said to him. He was always meant to end up there with Jared. Bullshit. That couldn’t be true. Or was it? The idea of his entire life being out of his hands frustrated him greatly. What a cruel torture for him to learn he was supposed to end up a patient in Bellhaven.
True, he'd been in worse facilities than this one. Ones that he could have sworn were feeding the patients dog food and were deliberately mean because, really who was listening to a bunch of straight jacket wearing nut jobs? Jared was the first roommate he almost sort of liked. He was cute even if insane and the sex was so damn good he even went back for more.
Maybe he was feeling something for Jared. He didn’t know what that was especially after... Jared was good looking and no matter how big of a dick he had been to him, Jared was still trying to be nice to him.