kinda private, sam and jessica read.
this is what has been hapening. thursday, nikko's mom was drunk and came in to try to fix nikko's curtain rod. nikko said he'd do it but thank for for the supplies. she yelled and screamed and told him that if he didn't let her fix it then, she'd do it when he wasn't home. he got mad but told her to do it. she started and bitched the entire time calling us both lazy and fat and all this. nikko had enough and they entered a screaming match. nikko told him mom just to leave him alone. to go away and leave him alone. she just kept yelling so he got into a rage and beat the living hell out of his wall. she still didn't leave him alone and he started sobbing on his wall. i said "alright, enough janet." and she told me to shut up. nikko flipped and screamed at her telling her she treats me like she owns me and that she doesn't own a piece of me so not to talk to me like that. then she screamed more telling him he doesn't pay the bills so he has no right to talk to her like that andd all this bullshit. it got heated to i text my mom to call the cops. while i was waiting, she yelled about his car and his father and blah blah blah. finally, the police get there and i take mark in back. they ask for me and i just said that there was a drunk bitch inside, mentally abusing her son. the police said "if someones the problem why doesn't someone leave" she looked at me and said, "ok, jenna leave." i said "i'm not the problem." they told me and nikko to wait outside and i cried. i was shaking through the whole thing. then the cops came outside and said for nikko to stay at my house. he told his mom he wanted to get emancipated. she tried to make him feel stupid about it but i backed him up. then i went outside to get my car ready so we could leave. he takes about 10 mins to get his playstation and his clothes. he came out of the house crying and he told me he asked the cop about emancipation. the cop said he didn't know about it and his mom yells, "i fix things around the house, i put food on the table and everything he needs. i just don't understand this. all i ask him to do is a few chores" she makes him her slave actually. so nikko burst into tears and cried to the cop saying "you don't know what i go through. you don't know what she does to me." so then he comes out, crying. he puts his stuff in the car and we go to my house. we talk about the whole thing and explain to my mom. we stayed up and played videogames to get his mind off of the whole thing. i slept with him on the pull out in the livingroom so he wouldn't feel alone. the first message is what i come home to after dropping nikko off back at his house, because mommy said so, and from then on is what's happened with it in the past few days. nadia is his sister in nebraska. tell me what you think. i love you guys and i miss you both terribly.
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 22, 2006 12:19 PM
Jenna,
In order for you to truely love my brother, you have to truely love his family. You need to realize when the right time to call authority is. You can't imagine what my brother and I have seen and witnessed in our life, and honestly you can tell your sheltered. Hopefully my brother will teach you when to call the cops. My mom is concerned with my brother's and your weight and my brother explained how self concious he is. Its not healthy, that's the only reason she brought up what she did. I've been struggling with my weight since I was 14. I don't like being big, how you exept it, is beyond me. When my brother and my mom are having any conversation you need to learn to stay out of it, unless your invited into there conversation I've been yelled at by my brother many time for doing the same thing. You have no idea what my mom has been through in her life. And instead of talking shit about her being an alcholic, and ridiculing every chance you get, have you ever thought that she needs moral support? Of coarse not. You think your so much better than everybody else, maybe you should focus on what's wrong with you. And if you think nothings wrong, you need to wake up and smell the roses. I Love my brother and if he hates me for this letter i'm sorry, but i'm tellin you straight up. He knows how blunt I am. Don't respond to this message your off my friends list. Blood is thicker than water.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 23, 2006 1:26 PM
Nadia,
I understand what I did was frowned upon. I honestly do. I know I am overweight and Im not mad about her bringing it up. I want to lose weight also but one ice cream a week isnt bad. I do love Nikko and I love Janet and you too. I know Im sheltered and Im happy I never grew up in the stress and complication you have. The only reason I got the cops involved because I was scared for Janet and Nikko's safety. Nikko was getting hurt and sobbing all over and he was getting physically frustrated as well and I was worried it wouldve gotten worse than just a few words. I didnt want Nikko in juvy or something for punching his mom and I definitely didnt want the family pressure he wouldve had to go through, if that wouldve happened. He just wanted some peace, and all I was trying to do was stop the fighting. When Janet is drunk, which is almost daily now, she continually berates Nikko until he can't stand it. If you loved Nikko, you wouldn't want him to be treated like that. You have no idea what really goes on in that house. You only hear one side of the story. I know you say that your mom was bad to you also. I remember the day that you came to my mother and cried in her arms. Wasnt she the one who helped you that day? Didnt she help you with your drugs and to help you talk about your feelings without criticism? I wasn't trying to ruin any of our bonds or anything like that. I never talk shit about your mother or criticize her every chance I get. I would NEVER do that to someone I care so much about. Her alcohol is a problem, that's just a point and case. Shes going to die and how is that going to affect everyone in the family? Wont you feel bad if you never tried to do anything about it and just sit back and let it happen? Im not just thinking about myself here. How are Tati and Adriana going to feel when they have no more oma to visit? How are you and Nikko going to handle not having a mother in your lives anymore? Her dieing is inevitable if she continues to drink the way she is. Do you want that? Do you really know how much she drinks? She needs help, Nadia. I want to get her that help and I don't know how to do it other than to put my nose in where it supposedly doesn't belong. I thought I was considered family. Thats the only reason I said ANYTHING is I thought I had the right as a part of the family. Your brother was being torn into pieces Nadia! He was punching the wall and screaming and sobbing all at once, yet Janet wouldn't stop yelling at him. She just wouldn't stop. If she would've left the room and let them both cool off, and discuss the situation later, none of this would've happened. When the police came, Nikko told them You have no idea what I have to deal with every day, through broken sobs and trying to collect his things. He broke down to them and took about 5 minutes just to sob on his bed. He came out to me sobbing and hurt. He asked me Why doesnt she see how much I love her and how much I do for her? and I really didnt know what to say to that, would you? Im not trying to break down your mother, but she needs help. This whole family needs to help her to quit drinking or there wont be a family anymore. Her mother died the same way, from drinking and smoking. I dont want that to happen to this family. I love Nikko. I want to marry him someday and have his children. I want Janet to grandmother those children and see the wedding. I dont want her to be in a hospital bed or in her grave by then. What I did to try to prevent was nothing compared to what mightve happened if I didnt intervene. I love you guys so much. Youre all a part of my life and my future. Ive witnessed 2 ½ years of this and its just going downhill and getting worse and worse. What your mother has been through has nothing to do with what happened the other night. I understand shes been through a lot of shit, everyone has. That still doesnt play into what happened. This whole situation has escalated into something that it shouldnt be. This shouldnt be me seeming to attack Janet, or any of the family for that matter. It was my love and fear and my instinct to protect everyone from the past fights Ive seen through these last few years. Nikko has been broken down bit by bit. Hes such a wonderful man and I dont want to see that change with him going over the edge to fight for his sanity. Do you? Please, Nadia, I know Ive messed up in your mothers eyes. I know you even feel that Ive messed up. Just please, listen to what Ive said. I dont want to lose this family and I dont want to lose my life. You guys, besides my mother, have been my life for these past years and I dont want our memories to be this way. I have a different future in mind. Please, respond and tell me your thoughts. I love you all, so very much.
Jenna
P.S. I know you want to tell everything Ive said to your mother, and please do. Just please tell it the way I have written it. I will save this copy and print it out so she can read it also if you would like. I love you all.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 23, 2006 2:51 PM
Jenna,
If things where getting heated that much, why didn't you guys just take off. My brother would NEVER punch my mom, he has seen the fights my mom and I have been in. If you where scared for my mom's safety, then why was she the only one taking all the blame from the cops. I'm sure you for got to mention that my brother was getting voilent. Don't feed me a line of Bull shit Jenna, Nikko was all you where worried about. An Ice Cream a week isn't bad, but when I have my ice cream it's either no sugar or 97% fat free. Its just not the Ice Cream that making you heavy its the other things you consume too, such as Regular Pop, chips, and etc.
That's besides the point. If my mom needs to go to rehab, then we all need to check in to a Fat Camp and learn how to take care of ourselves. Heart attacks from clogs arteries kill more in the USA than drinking and smoking. You can't tell me you've never partied and not smoked and drank, remember I was there, nobody forced you guys.
Everybody makes bad choices in life and the way me and my brother grew up made us smarter people. And let me tell you I was to a certain point sheltered too. When I got on my own and grew up, I had to face life the hard way. Don't worry you'll get your fair share of something, everybody does. Bill Gates went to Jail and lived life tuff and he's the richest next to Donald Trump. Being 23 and having 2 children, I have finally realized that my mom wasn't berating me, she was trying to teach me. She is trying to teach my brother how to live clean, work hard, get an education, take care of himself, so that maybe he won't make the choices she made.
Get your story straight...my mom is the one who called your mom, asking if there was anything she could do for me. I was there, fucked up maybe, but I have my memory. I cried in her arms because I was dissapointed in myself and any help I was grateful for. Your mom did refer me to the shelter and for that I'm still Thankful, but if it wouldn't of been for my mom, I wouldn't of had that. Your mom isn't the one who took me in Pregnant and who cared enough to find me overdossing and take me in once more for the third time. Your mom is a good lady, but don't try to praise her over my mom. My mom might be an alcholic, but she would die and give the shirt off her back for her kids. But God forbid you see the good qualities. Was she so drunk to make you dinner everytime you came over? Or pick you and my brother up? Or passed out every night not doing a damn thing or calling into work everday cause she was too drunk to go? Or not pay the rent, and buy my brother the things he needs or that I needed, because her alchole came first? I don't think so. Try again. Yeah, she might drink but she has NEVER let her obligation as a mother down in any way.
What do you mean by bad? Bad, no, stricked and having expectations yes. I guess you won't really understand until you have kids. Your 17, still in High School and have no idea what its like being a mom. So don't try to act like you do.
How dare you even bring up my Grandmother. Learn your place and your story. My Grandma did drink and smoke, but you left out the part where she had quit for 5 years before she died, which was more than they gave her. She also consumed double of what my mom drinks. And may I remind you, she never let her household fall.
Don't bring her up in this conversation, this was way before your time and now your getting personal. And don't worry, my kids will grow up to see there Oma.
How dare you even bring up my mother's death! That's for God to decide, not some 17 yr old who's been with my brother for 2 1/2 years and thinks she knows my family. Oh and by the way, my Aunt was an alcholic/smoker too, and quit a couple years ago, she&..39;s still the Senior Vice Presedent of BOA, oh, and still living. She quit around my mom's age.
I know your trying to do well, but stop. If you don't know how to go about doing things, then don't do it at all.
I think its good that all this is being said out in the open.
I bet my brother never told you that when he was a kid and even when he just moved in to Redwood, people would make fun of him because of his weight, and I always had his back. So now my mom is the one, she gave birth me, If anything I'll have her back even more. I Love my family with everything I have, because they are everything I have. Wrong or Right, they know I will always come through. Everybody has something wrong with themselves, but it's not up to other people to change it, it's up to themselves. I'm a perfectly good example for that. That doesn't mean I'm going to love them any less for there faults, because I have my own faults to. When you can start exepting people for who they are, and I mean anybody, is when you'll learn not to judge a book by its cover.
My mom will quit when she's ready. If you and my brother can't handle that, then Love isn't really there. I'm not under any cercumstances questions my brothers love for my mom, he would die for her too. But if alchole isn't what kills her, you guys are going to feel like shit for the rest of your lives, knowing you looked down on her instead of enjoying the years she was on this earth.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 11:54 AM
again, you don't know what it's like because you're not there. i'm not going to argue with you anymore because we both think we're right. i really hope this blows over and gets fixed because, whether you like it or not, you're my family and i love you. i want to be sisters again and i hope when nikko and i get married, you and your mom are there at the wedding because you want to be and because you share the same love i feel for you. i hope everything's going well with you and your part of the family. i love you all very much.
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 12:12 PM
Jenna,
I'm not argue ing with you. I'm trying to make you understand how your viewing all this. I don't know.... being six years older then my brother and living with his dad is a lot worse than what he has it. You don't even know how good he has it. So stop talking to me like I'm oblivious and don't know anything. I can't control who my brother sees or wants to be with, I'll exept him no matter what or who he decides to be with. You shouldn't even be thinking about marriage and weddings right now, don't you have a career? And I'm sure you do, so maybe that should be your priority instead of all this shit. When my brother is married is when you'll be family, until then I'm not going to get attached. People come and go. My brother loves you, yes, but I also know he has a goal in life, don't try to stop that, he deserves better in life then the struggles I've had to live through. He will be somebody in this world, and if you slow him down then I hope he is smart enough to put you aside untill he gets that accomplished.
I'm done writing, I've said my peace. So if things are going to go in one ear and out the other, which they are, lets stop it here.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 12:19 PM
what are you talking about me slowing nikko down? i've helped him more than anyone right now! we're making apointments to look at colleges and i've helped him along and i've rooted him on from day one! i've never said anything about any kind of career so please stop bringing irrelevance to this conversation. again, we both think we're right and we're going nowhere with this. and it's not only me thinking about marraige. nikko is the one who first brought us gettni married up to me. from what i've heard, he does have it better but that's not saying he has it good. people do come and go, i agree. and i also agree things can change. all i know is i love nikko and he loves me. i love his family whether they chose to disown me for somthing so... stupid. i'm not saying your oblivios but you only know one side of the story, and you only ever will because you won't open yourself up to the other side.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 1:26 PM
The only reason your the only person who has helped him is because, your the only person he wants the help from. I'm not going to let you take credit for everything though. I've helped my brother through alot. I've helped my mom try to understand him better. If he doesn't talk to other sources, how does he expect to get help? He can never spend a day with my mom cause you and him always make plans. How can he have good quality time with my mom, and communicate with her if its always you , you , you. I'm sure you've never brought up that he should spend the day with my mom and have mother son time. Maybe then things would be differant. They could acually communicate with eachother.
And who said anything about disowning? Now your taking this whole thing way out of proportion.
I have opened myself to the whole situation. I told my brother to call me...he has not done that.
I want my brother to call me and tell me everything. I hope he gets a chance to read these letters too. I want him to talk to me, he is the only one I care about hearing the story from. Your just way to out of league for me right now. I can't handle being talked to like I'm stupid.
You never answered my questions about Why didn't you two leave, that is her house, and why when the cops where called did mom take everything if he was getting voilent? Something is not adding up here, fill in the missing pieces, and then I want my brother's side. We can relate more than you and me. Like I said...You have no idea.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 2:01 PM
nadia,
you've got this a little wrong. as i say it for the 3rd time, you aren't here so you don't know. i offer PLENTY of times, "Babe, how about you two have some time together?" but he says "No baby! i miss you and want to see you!" maybe i'm the only one he wants help from because other people show him their way and only their way. he hasn't asked me for help, i just give it to him. i know you've helped nikko through alot and i didn't mean to say that i was the only one helping him. i was just very frustrated at your way of looking at our relationship. it's really not my fault it's me, me, me. he comes to me, me, me so i'm not going to tell him no. and about the plans, nikko ALWAYS asks his mother if we actually make plans. but i've been comming over for the majority of the week for 2 years. if she wants me to leave and have time with her son, she should've said something in a nice way and i would've went home. i've never heard a complaint from me being there. this whole thing has been blown out of porportion from day one. all i did was try to protect nikko. and i admit, i was scared, so i did the only thing i could. we would've loved to just leave and just not have any of this happen. one, your mother blocked us in the bedroom so if either of us went to leave, she would've let us. two, the last time he left the house because he was feeling uncomfortable and her and joseph were fighting and he couldn't handle it, he got bitched and yelled at and everything for about two weeks. he's scared of your mother and he doesn't want to deal with the yelling and the fighting. that's why we didn't leave. i am NOT talking to you like you're stupid. i'm explaining a situation that you weren't here to witness. i sent him these letters and he told me he doesn't want to read them and that he doesn't care. have you ever thought than nikko doesn't want to call you? why don't you try calling him? i haven't had to talk to cops on my own before. i was just worried about getting nikko out and letting them calm down. i couldn't think straight and i just wanted nikko safe. i'll tell him to call you but he won't do something he doesn't want to. i love him very much and i love his family. i don't care if you're sick of hearing that but i'm going to repeat it until the day i'm dead. i love you all very very much and i honestly don't appreciate this whole thing any more than you. all i was doing was protecting the one i love from something that was to much for him. i don't think it was honestly that bad. what was i supposed to do nadia? please, tell me, how would've you handled seeing someone you love being torn to peices and him asking just to be left alone? how would you have handled seeing his tears and struggles? would you have just sat there watching and feeling your heart being torn out for him? or would you have tried to help him? well, i chose not to stay ringside and to help my love. i'm sorry if you guys can't see it that was but it's what i did and what i felt i needed to do.
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 2:35 PM
He won't talk to me, I just tried. So congradulations, you and your family won the heart of my brother. I'm in tears. First you call me stupid, then my brother wants to be emancepated from the family. I realize I'm not there, but realize mom started drinking when I was in High School. She was worse cuz she was on Jack and not Jim.
I knew that my brother was all you cared about. Just like its the same way with him. Then don't say you were worried about my mom. She was fixing his curtain rod so how where you blocked in then?
You and him think that your family is so much better than mine, and that's fine, I don't care. To each there own.
I can't handle not being there and helping him, because I've always tried. I can't take this pressure. One day.....you'll understand. And when that day happends know I tried to warn you. Life doesn't stop for nobody, and when bad shit happens, life doesn't care. It keeps going. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. I was just saying what I know. I wish I could play back my life to you, for you to understand that I do know. But I'm not going to go back and forth trying to prove it.
I hope you and my brother stay happy, because his happiness is all that matters to me. Good luck in the future with what ever you do.
I'm not in the mood to fight anymore, my little girl is asking me why I'm crying and I don't like explaining stuff like this.
Please don't call me stupid I read your blog, you have no idea how smart I really am. A lot of people think I'm stupid, so its no surprise you do.
Nadia.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 4:20 PM
nadia,
if he doesn't want to talk to you, that is not my fault. him wanting to be emancipated is not my fault. stop blaming me for things that are not under my control. what he wants to do is not my choice. he has his own mind. i DID NOT call you stupid! i was letting my feelings out and any time i get frustrated the way i am, i call the whole thing stupid! it's just a way of venting. she's getting drunk almost every night and nikko can't handle it anymore! he's sick of being treated without respect and feeling like he's not cared about as a person but what he can do. the cutrain rod was the beginning of the arguement so there was no need to leave yet. it escalated from there. you're only hearing one side. i do not and have never thought of my family better than anyones! that is the worst thing you've said byfar! how the fuck can you think that of me? all my family has done is helped yours as much as possible! i have NEVER thought me better than ANYONE let alone your family. that's a discusting bullshit lie and opinion. i don't have a clue how your pressure is so bad. you weren't involved you were just a venting point. i am truely and deeply sorry for all the trials and sufferings in your life but i can't change them. accept them and move on. don't dwell on the past or regrets. i do believe you're smart nadia. i have never and will never call you stupid. this whole situation is the dumbest i've experienced and i wish it had never happened. thank you for the goodluck although i know your heart is not being put into the statement. i'm glad you wish nikko and i well. i'm so very sorry this all had to happen. this is a stupid and petty thing and it should not have gone this far. this is the last thing i want to write about this. tell tati i'm sorry for hurting you. i swear, i just tried to do the right thing. nikko's always to scared to leave his house and i was just tring to create a circumstance where someone else could have him leave without him getting the blame. i'm sorry this all had to go to far but i will not apologize for what i did. i was scared and all i was thinking is to protect EVERYONE and to stop the fighting. yes, i do care deeply about your mother. i was worried about her safety as well as nikko's. i didn't know what to do in the situation and i tried handleing it as best i could. i'm 17 nadia. i've never had to call the cops in my life. since i've been with nikko, i've never had to deal with them. i didn't know what to say or do. i was very angry at your mother for the statements she was making and i just wanted out. nikko can't handle this anymore. i can't handle watching him get hurt and torn to pieces over and over again. i love your family and i'm sorry something so tiny had to turn out like this. a whole family is being shaked and ripped about someone doing the right thing. i love you all and i hope this can be solved. tell me what i can do to achieve that. i will not leave nikko. i want this fixed. this should not have escalated this far. i'm sorry that it happened. i hope you get adriana's outfit soon and i hope it fits her and that she looks good in it.
loving your family always,
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 4:58 PM
Jenna, I'm not blaming you. Get that out of your head. I'm just telling you what happened. If you want me to not dwell on the past, then get some sleep and put this behind you.
This is pointless. Let's stop please.
Rich added you.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 6:21 PM
thank you! i'm done fighting. i'm exhausted from looking at the computer screen lol. i hope we can just put this all behind us, the whole family, and look to the future together. have a good night and i hope to talk to you again soon. i love you
Jenna
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 22, 2006 12:19 PM
Jenna,
In order for you to truely love my brother, you have to truely love his family. You need to realize when the right time to call authority is. You can't imagine what my brother and I have seen and witnessed in our life, and honestly you can tell your sheltered. Hopefully my brother will teach you when to call the cops. My mom is concerned with my brother's and your weight and my brother explained how self concious he is. Its not healthy, that's the only reason she brought up what she did. I've been struggling with my weight since I was 14. I don't like being big, how you exept it, is beyond me. When my brother and my mom are having any conversation you need to learn to stay out of it, unless your invited into there conversation I've been yelled at by my brother many time for doing the same thing. You have no idea what my mom has been through in her life. And instead of talking shit about her being an alcholic, and ridiculing every chance you get, have you ever thought that she needs moral support? Of coarse not. You think your so much better than everybody else, maybe you should focus on what's wrong with you. And if you think nothings wrong, you need to wake up and smell the roses. I Love my brother and if he hates me for this letter i'm sorry, but i'm tellin you straight up. He knows how blunt I am. Don't respond to this message your off my friends list. Blood is thicker than water.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 23, 2006 1:26 PM
Nadia,
I understand what I did was frowned upon. I honestly do. I know I am overweight and Im not mad about her bringing it up. I want to lose weight also but one ice cream a week isnt bad. I do love Nikko and I love Janet and you too. I know Im sheltered and Im happy I never grew up in the stress and complication you have. The only reason I got the cops involved because I was scared for Janet and Nikko's safety. Nikko was getting hurt and sobbing all over and he was getting physically frustrated as well and I was worried it wouldve gotten worse than just a few words. I didnt want Nikko in juvy or something for punching his mom and I definitely didnt want the family pressure he wouldve had to go through, if that wouldve happened. He just wanted some peace, and all I was trying to do was stop the fighting. When Janet is drunk, which is almost daily now, she continually berates Nikko until he can't stand it. If you loved Nikko, you wouldn't want him to be treated like that. You have no idea what really goes on in that house. You only hear one side of the story. I know you say that your mom was bad to you also. I remember the day that you came to my mother and cried in her arms. Wasnt she the one who helped you that day? Didnt she help you with your drugs and to help you talk about your feelings without criticism? I wasn't trying to ruin any of our bonds or anything like that. I never talk shit about your mother or criticize her every chance I get. I would NEVER do that to someone I care so much about. Her alcohol is a problem, that's just a point and case. Shes going to die and how is that going to affect everyone in the family? Wont you feel bad if you never tried to do anything about it and just sit back and let it happen? Im not just thinking about myself here. How are Tati and Adriana going to feel when they have no more oma to visit? How are you and Nikko going to handle not having a mother in your lives anymore? Her dieing is inevitable if she continues to drink the way she is. Do you want that? Do you really know how much she drinks? She needs help, Nadia. I want to get her that help and I don't know how to do it other than to put my nose in where it supposedly doesn't belong. I thought I was considered family. Thats the only reason I said ANYTHING is I thought I had the right as a part of the family. Your brother was being torn into pieces Nadia! He was punching the wall and screaming and sobbing all at once, yet Janet wouldn't stop yelling at him. She just wouldn't stop. If she would've left the room and let them both cool off, and discuss the situation later, none of this would've happened. When the police came, Nikko told them You have no idea what I have to deal with every day, through broken sobs and trying to collect his things. He broke down to them and took about 5 minutes just to sob on his bed. He came out to me sobbing and hurt. He asked me Why doesnt she see how much I love her and how much I do for her? and I really didnt know what to say to that, would you? Im not trying to break down your mother, but she needs help. This whole family needs to help her to quit drinking or there wont be a family anymore. Her mother died the same way, from drinking and smoking. I dont want that to happen to this family. I love Nikko. I want to marry him someday and have his children. I want Janet to grandmother those children and see the wedding. I dont want her to be in a hospital bed or in her grave by then. What I did to try to prevent was nothing compared to what mightve happened if I didnt intervene. I love you guys so much. Youre all a part of my life and my future. Ive witnessed 2 ½ years of this and its just going downhill and getting worse and worse. What your mother has been through has nothing to do with what happened the other night. I understand shes been through a lot of shit, everyone has. That still doesnt play into what happened. This whole situation has escalated into something that it shouldnt be. This shouldnt be me seeming to attack Janet, or any of the family for that matter. It was my love and fear and my instinct to protect everyone from the past fights Ive seen through these last few years. Nikko has been broken down bit by bit. Hes such a wonderful man and I dont want to see that change with him going over the edge to fight for his sanity. Do you? Please, Nadia, I know Ive messed up in your mothers eyes. I know you even feel that Ive messed up. Just please, listen to what Ive said. I dont want to lose this family and I dont want to lose my life. You guys, besides my mother, have been my life for these past years and I dont want our memories to be this way. I have a different future in mind. Please, respond and tell me your thoughts. I love you all, so very much.
Jenna
P.S. I know you want to tell everything Ive said to your mother, and please do. Just please tell it the way I have written it. I will save this copy and print it out so she can read it also if you would like. I love you all.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 23, 2006 2:51 PM
Jenna,
If things where getting heated that much, why didn't you guys just take off. My brother would NEVER punch my mom, he has seen the fights my mom and I have been in. If you where scared for my mom's safety, then why was she the only one taking all the blame from the cops. I'm sure you for got to mention that my brother was getting voilent. Don't feed me a line of Bull shit Jenna, Nikko was all you where worried about. An Ice Cream a week isn't bad, but when I have my ice cream it's either no sugar or 97% fat free. Its just not the Ice Cream that making you heavy its the other things you consume too, such as Regular Pop, chips, and etc.
That's besides the point. If my mom needs to go to rehab, then we all need to check in to a Fat Camp and learn how to take care of ourselves. Heart attacks from clogs arteries kill more in the USA than drinking and smoking. You can't tell me you've never partied and not smoked and drank, remember I was there, nobody forced you guys.
Everybody makes bad choices in life and the way me and my brother grew up made us smarter people. And let me tell you I was to a certain point sheltered too. When I got on my own and grew up, I had to face life the hard way. Don't worry you'll get your fair share of something, everybody does. Bill Gates went to Jail and lived life tuff and he's the richest next to Donald Trump. Being 23 and having 2 children, I have finally realized that my mom wasn't berating me, she was trying to teach me. She is trying to teach my brother how to live clean, work hard, get an education, take care of himself, so that maybe he won't make the choices she made.
Get your story straight...my mom is the one who called your mom, asking if there was anything she could do for me. I was there, fucked up maybe, but I have my memory. I cried in her arms because I was dissapointed in myself and any help I was grateful for. Your mom did refer me to the shelter and for that I'm still Thankful, but if it wouldn't of been for my mom, I wouldn't of had that. Your mom isn't the one who took me in Pregnant and who cared enough to find me overdossing and take me in once more for the third time. Your mom is a good lady, but don't try to praise her over my mom. My mom might be an alcholic, but she would die and give the shirt off her back for her kids. But God forbid you see the good qualities. Was she so drunk to make you dinner everytime you came over? Or pick you and my brother up? Or passed out every night not doing a damn thing or calling into work everday cause she was too drunk to go? Or not pay the rent, and buy my brother the things he needs or that I needed, because her alchole came first? I don't think so. Try again. Yeah, she might drink but she has NEVER let her obligation as a mother down in any way.
What do you mean by bad? Bad, no, stricked and having expectations yes. I guess you won't really understand until you have kids. Your 17, still in High School and have no idea what its like being a mom. So don't try to act like you do.
How dare you even bring up my Grandmother. Learn your place and your story. My Grandma did drink and smoke, but you left out the part where she had quit for 5 years before she died, which was more than they gave her. She also consumed double of what my mom drinks. And may I remind you, she never let her household fall.
Don't bring her up in this conversation, this was way before your time and now your getting personal. And don't worry, my kids will grow up to see there Oma.
How dare you even bring up my mother's death! That's for God to decide, not some 17 yr old who's been with my brother for 2 1/2 years and thinks she knows my family. Oh and by the way, my Aunt was an alcholic/smoker too, and quit a couple years ago, she&..39;s still the Senior Vice Presedent of BOA, oh, and still living. She quit around my mom's age.
I know your trying to do well, but stop. If you don't know how to go about doing things, then don't do it at all.
I think its good that all this is being said out in the open.
I bet my brother never told you that when he was a kid and even when he just moved in to Redwood, people would make fun of him because of his weight, and I always had his back. So now my mom is the one, she gave birth me, If anything I'll have her back even more. I Love my family with everything I have, because they are everything I have. Wrong or Right, they know I will always come through. Everybody has something wrong with themselves, but it's not up to other people to change it, it's up to themselves. I'm a perfectly good example for that. That doesn't mean I'm going to love them any less for there faults, because I have my own faults to. When you can start exepting people for who they are, and I mean anybody, is when you'll learn not to judge a book by its cover.
My mom will quit when she's ready. If you and my brother can't handle that, then Love isn't really there. I'm not under any cercumstances questions my brothers love for my mom, he would die for her too. But if alchole isn't what kills her, you guys are going to feel like shit for the rest of your lives, knowing you looked down on her instead of enjoying the years she was on this earth.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 11:54 AM
again, you don't know what it's like because you're not there. i'm not going to argue with you anymore because we both think we're right. i really hope this blows over and gets fixed because, whether you like it or not, you're my family and i love you. i want to be sisters again and i hope when nikko and i get married, you and your mom are there at the wedding because you want to be and because you share the same love i feel for you. i hope everything's going well with you and your part of the family. i love you all very much.
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 12:12 PM
Jenna,
I'm not argue ing with you. I'm trying to make you understand how your viewing all this. I don't know.... being six years older then my brother and living with his dad is a lot worse than what he has it. You don't even know how good he has it. So stop talking to me like I'm oblivious and don't know anything. I can't control who my brother sees or wants to be with, I'll exept him no matter what or who he decides to be with. You shouldn't even be thinking about marriage and weddings right now, don't you have a career? And I'm sure you do, so maybe that should be your priority instead of all this shit. When my brother is married is when you'll be family, until then I'm not going to get attached. People come and go. My brother loves you, yes, but I also know he has a goal in life, don't try to stop that, he deserves better in life then the struggles I've had to live through. He will be somebody in this world, and if you slow him down then I hope he is smart enough to put you aside untill he gets that accomplished.
I'm done writing, I've said my peace. So if things are going to go in one ear and out the other, which they are, lets stop it here.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 12:19 PM
what are you talking about me slowing nikko down? i've helped him more than anyone right now! we're making apointments to look at colleges and i've helped him along and i've rooted him on from day one! i've never said anything about any kind of career so please stop bringing irrelevance to this conversation. again, we both think we're right and we're going nowhere with this. and it's not only me thinking about marraige. nikko is the one who first brought us gettni married up to me. from what i've heard, he does have it better but that's not saying he has it good. people do come and go, i agree. and i also agree things can change. all i know is i love nikko and he loves me. i love his family whether they chose to disown me for somthing so... stupid. i'm not saying your oblivios but you only know one side of the story, and you only ever will because you won't open yourself up to the other side.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 1:26 PM
The only reason your the only person who has helped him is because, your the only person he wants the help from. I'm not going to let you take credit for everything though. I've helped my brother through alot. I've helped my mom try to understand him better. If he doesn't talk to other sources, how does he expect to get help? He can never spend a day with my mom cause you and him always make plans. How can he have good quality time with my mom, and communicate with her if its always you , you , you. I'm sure you've never brought up that he should spend the day with my mom and have mother son time. Maybe then things would be differant. They could acually communicate with eachother.
And who said anything about disowning? Now your taking this whole thing way out of proportion.
I have opened myself to the whole situation. I told my brother to call me...he has not done that.
I want my brother to call me and tell me everything. I hope he gets a chance to read these letters too. I want him to talk to me, he is the only one I care about hearing the story from. Your just way to out of league for me right now. I can't handle being talked to like I'm stupid.
You never answered my questions about Why didn't you two leave, that is her house, and why when the cops where called did mom take everything if he was getting voilent? Something is not adding up here, fill in the missing pieces, and then I want my brother's side. We can relate more than you and me. Like I said...You have no idea.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 2:01 PM
nadia,
you've got this a little wrong. as i say it for the 3rd time, you aren't here so you don't know. i offer PLENTY of times, "Babe, how about you two have some time together?" but he says "No baby! i miss you and want to see you!" maybe i'm the only one he wants help from because other people show him their way and only their way. he hasn't asked me for help, i just give it to him. i know you've helped nikko through alot and i didn't mean to say that i was the only one helping him. i was just very frustrated at your way of looking at our relationship. it's really not my fault it's me, me, me. he comes to me, me, me so i'm not going to tell him no. and about the plans, nikko ALWAYS asks his mother if we actually make plans. but i've been comming over for the majority of the week for 2 years. if she wants me to leave and have time with her son, she should've said something in a nice way and i would've went home. i've never heard a complaint from me being there. this whole thing has been blown out of porportion from day one. all i did was try to protect nikko. and i admit, i was scared, so i did the only thing i could. we would've loved to just leave and just not have any of this happen. one, your mother blocked us in the bedroom so if either of us went to leave, she would've let us. two, the last time he left the house because he was feeling uncomfortable and her and joseph were fighting and he couldn't handle it, he got bitched and yelled at and everything for about two weeks. he's scared of your mother and he doesn't want to deal with the yelling and the fighting. that's why we didn't leave. i am NOT talking to you like you're stupid. i'm explaining a situation that you weren't here to witness. i sent him these letters and he told me he doesn't want to read them and that he doesn't care. have you ever thought than nikko doesn't want to call you? why don't you try calling him? i haven't had to talk to cops on my own before. i was just worried about getting nikko out and letting them calm down. i couldn't think straight and i just wanted nikko safe. i'll tell him to call you but he won't do something he doesn't want to. i love him very much and i love his family. i don't care if you're sick of hearing that but i'm going to repeat it until the day i'm dead. i love you all very very much and i honestly don't appreciate this whole thing any more than you. all i was doing was protecting the one i love from something that was to much for him. i don't think it was honestly that bad. what was i supposed to do nadia? please, tell me, how would've you handled seeing someone you love being torn to peices and him asking just to be left alone? how would you have handled seeing his tears and struggles? would you have just sat there watching and feeling your heart being torn out for him? or would you have tried to help him? well, i chose not to stay ringside and to help my love. i'm sorry if you guys can't see it that was but it's what i did and what i felt i needed to do.
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 2:35 PM
He won't talk to me, I just tried. So congradulations, you and your family won the heart of my brother. I'm in tears. First you call me stupid, then my brother wants to be emancepated from the family. I realize I'm not there, but realize mom started drinking when I was in High School. She was worse cuz she was on Jack and not Jim.
I knew that my brother was all you cared about. Just like its the same way with him. Then don't say you were worried about my mom. She was fixing his curtain rod so how where you blocked in then?
You and him think that your family is so much better than mine, and that's fine, I don't care. To each there own.
I can't handle not being there and helping him, because I've always tried. I can't take this pressure. One day.....you'll understand. And when that day happends know I tried to warn you. Life doesn't stop for nobody, and when bad shit happens, life doesn't care. It keeps going. I'm sorry if I offended you in any way. I was just saying what I know. I wish I could play back my life to you, for you to understand that I do know. But I'm not going to go back and forth trying to prove it.
I hope you and my brother stay happy, because his happiness is all that matters to me. Good luck in the future with what ever you do.
I'm not in the mood to fight anymore, my little girl is asking me why I'm crying and I don't like explaining stuff like this.
Please don't call me stupid I read your blog, you have no idea how smart I really am. A lot of people think I'm stupid, so its no surprise you do.
Nadia.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 4:20 PM
nadia,
if he doesn't want to talk to you, that is not my fault. him wanting to be emancipated is not my fault. stop blaming me for things that are not under my control. what he wants to do is not my choice. he has his own mind. i DID NOT call you stupid! i was letting my feelings out and any time i get frustrated the way i am, i call the whole thing stupid! it's just a way of venting. she's getting drunk almost every night and nikko can't handle it anymore! he's sick of being treated without respect and feeling like he's not cared about as a person but what he can do. the cutrain rod was the beginning of the arguement so there was no need to leave yet. it escalated from there. you're only hearing one side. i do not and have never thought of my family better than anyones! that is the worst thing you've said byfar! how the fuck can you think that of me? all my family has done is helped yours as much as possible! i have NEVER thought me better than ANYONE let alone your family. that's a discusting bullshit lie and opinion. i don't have a clue how your pressure is so bad. you weren't involved you were just a venting point. i am truely and deeply sorry for all the trials and sufferings in your life but i can't change them. accept them and move on. don't dwell on the past or regrets. i do believe you're smart nadia. i have never and will never call you stupid. this whole situation is the dumbest i've experienced and i wish it had never happened. thank you for the goodluck although i know your heart is not being put into the statement. i'm glad you wish nikko and i well. i'm so very sorry this all had to happen. this is a stupid and petty thing and it should not have gone this far. this is the last thing i want to write about this. tell tati i'm sorry for hurting you. i swear, i just tried to do the right thing. nikko's always to scared to leave his house and i was just tring to create a circumstance where someone else could have him leave without him getting the blame. i'm sorry this all had to go to far but i will not apologize for what i did. i was scared and all i was thinking is to protect EVERYONE and to stop the fighting. yes, i do care deeply about your mother. i was worried about her safety as well as nikko's. i didn't know what to do in the situation and i tried handleing it as best i could. i'm 17 nadia. i've never had to call the cops in my life. since i've been with nikko, i've never had to deal with them. i didn't know what to say or do. i was very angry at your mother for the statements she was making and i just wanted out. nikko can't handle this anymore. i can't handle watching him get hurt and torn to pieces over and over again. i love your family and i'm sorry something so tiny had to turn out like this. a whole family is being shaked and ripped about someone doing the right thing. i love you all and i hope this can be solved. tell me what i can do to achieve that. i will not leave nikko. i want this fixed. this should not have escalated this far. i'm sorry that it happened. i hope you get adriana's outfit soon and i hope it fits her and that she looks good in it.
loving your family always,
Jenna
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: nadia
Date: Jul 24, 2006 4:58 PM
Jenna, I'm not blaming you. Get that out of your head. I'm just telling you what happened. If you want me to not dwell on the past, then get some sleep and put this behind you.
This is pointless. Let's stop please.
Rich added you.
Nadia K.
----------------- Original Message -----------------
From: Little Sex Kitten
Date: Jul 24, 2006 6:21 PM
thank you! i'm done fighting. i'm exhausted from looking at the computer screen lol. i hope we can just put this all behind us, the whole family, and look to the future together. have a good night and i hope to talk to you again soon. i love you
Jenna