Hope.
Before I begin, I just want to note that it is a beautiful Saturday morning. The house is quiet, sunlight streams through the windows, and for the first time in awhile, my mind is at peace enough for me to reflect and write out my thoughts.
I've been "on my own" at work for five weeks now. "Some days are better than others" has become my default answer to inquiries about how work is going. When I say it to people who aren't in the field, it probably sounds nondescript, neither here nor there. When I say it to a fellow nurse, I get a knowing look, smile, and nod---and we mutually acknowledge this as scientific fact. After I wrote my previous entry, I received some very helpful comments, online and in person (thank you for that!) Since then, I've made a deliberate decision to adjust my attitude.
And it's helping. When I don't feel like going in, I remind myself that I have a job that pays relatively well---something so many others desperately need and I am truly fortunate to have. On the really bad days, I just take refuge in the fact that I'm alive and able to work. But those days are becoming fewer and farther between. Most of the time, I leave work satisfied enough that today, I've helped somebody. Today, there was purpose and reason for what I do. Today, somebody needed me and I was there.
It also really helps when a patient and his/her family tell me that I'm a great nurse; they've been in and out of hospitals a lot and I'm at the top of the list; it's obvious I'm in this because I care about people; they hope to have me again tomorrow. I thank them for their generous comments and wonder what on earth I did today to deserve that ... but hey, undeserving or not, I'll take it.
Nobody comes straight out of school and into their dream job, ultimate success achieved. I'm paying my dues, gathering the necessary experience to get to where I want to go---and that's how it ought to be done. By the way, I talked to a Navy nurse recruiter yesterday. Very interesting options. Not for now, but who knows? They even have part-time positions where you go out to the local base and work on the weekends but once or twice a year, you may be sent to do humanitarian work in other countries. Just something to think about.
I've been "on my own" at work for five weeks now. "Some days are better than others" has become my default answer to inquiries about how work is going. When I say it to people who aren't in the field, it probably sounds nondescript, neither here nor there. When I say it to a fellow nurse, I get a knowing look, smile, and nod---and we mutually acknowledge this as scientific fact. After I wrote my previous entry, I received some very helpful comments, online and in person (thank you for that!) Since then, I've made a deliberate decision to adjust my attitude.
And it's helping. When I don't feel like going in, I remind myself that I have a job that pays relatively well---something so many others desperately need and I am truly fortunate to have. On the really bad days, I just take refuge in the fact that I'm alive and able to work. But those days are becoming fewer and farther between. Most of the time, I leave work satisfied enough that today, I've helped somebody. Today, there was purpose and reason for what I do. Today, somebody needed me and I was there.
It also really helps when a patient and his/her family tell me that I'm a great nurse; they've been in and out of hospitals a lot and I'm at the top of the list; it's obvious I'm in this because I care about people; they hope to have me again tomorrow. I thank them for their generous comments and wonder what on earth I did today to deserve that ... but hey, undeserving or not, I'll take it.
Nobody comes straight out of school and into their dream job, ultimate success achieved. I'm paying my dues, gathering the necessary experience to get to where I want to go---and that's how it ought to be done. By the way, I talked to a Navy nurse recruiter yesterday. Very interesting options. Not for now, but who knows? They even have part-time positions where you go out to the local base and work on the weekends but once or twice a year, you may be sent to do humanitarian work in other countries. Just something to think about.