(no subject)
you know, i've always had overreactions to most things. inside i am this neutral thing and i am stable and attentive but outside i don't realize i say things i don't really mean. like there are so many words and i tend to grab handfuls of them, like there is just too much excess, and that is the overreaction.
i've always been afraid of money, of not having enough, or having too much and spending too fast. when i was three or four years old on my birthday, i received an envelope of money from somebody and it was a lot, actually. our company left, and my mother was washing cake off the dishes in the kitchen and i turned the envelope upside down on the wall-unit to leave a small pile of bills that i didn't want because it scared me to own too much. i was four! i think that's why my mother brought me shopping and used the birthday money then because i was just too weird to figure that it was okay to buy things.
of course now a days, i just buy things too often, i think.
i feel empty now.
i've always been afraid of money, of not having enough, or having too much and spending too fast. when i was three or four years old on my birthday, i received an envelope of money from somebody and it was a lot, actually. our company left, and my mother was washing cake off the dishes in the kitchen and i turned the envelope upside down on the wall-unit to leave a small pile of bills that i didn't want because it scared me to own too much. i was four! i think that's why my mother brought me shopping and used the birthday money then because i was just too weird to figure that it was okay to buy things.
of course now a days, i just buy things too often, i think.
i feel empty now.