I wish I could be the one, the one who wont care at all.

[hellostr8edge]

Yeah I'm not even sure why for the past two nights I've gone to bed alone. I can't even remember why we were fighing yesterday. I didn't see him come thru my bedroom door until almost 5:30am. What was he doing? Who was he talking to? What's this secret life that he has? Why am I suffering? Why is it that all day today he's going to be sleeping and it's almost 10:00am and I'm awake? And I have to work tonight and there will be no time spent with eachother? Why do I want to cry? And why for some reason am I going to hear the same words? "Why are you overreacting?" I'm overreacting because I'm sensitive, I'm overreacting because I'm tired, I'm overreacting because I feel unloved, I'm overreacting because I'm simply beat up from the inside out. I worked all day on my feet lastnight, he sits infront of a computer all day. Yes once I get this job at the bank I will be sitting infront of a computer all day too, and will have nothing to complain about. I just can't take my job anyone and it just swings me into a bad mood everytime I'm there. I had to clean cat shit up, then he pissed on my brand new bed set and had to deal with that right before work, just to have someone ask me dumb questions about what to clean, it's as if he's not even paying attention to me. It's like the only time he pays any attention to me is when I have my legs spread open. And perhaps that's not what's really going maybe that's just me overreacting AGAIN and so be it. It didn't help my attitude lastnight when I found pictures of Val on his computer. It's like I'm never going to be good enough for anyone! It's like they're always looking for something else. I'm just here to fill in time. My self esteem just sucks right now. It doesn't help when your boyfriend would rather play games til 5:30am then to lay down with you. One can only take so much. So the next time you say you don't think you can give me everything I want, try listening to me or atleast read this, you'll prolly just think I'm overreacting anyways.

"I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Ex,oh,ex,oh