Alone would be a better place than here

[hellostr8edge]

My stomache is in knots this morning. I'm trying to gather the strenth to go work out, the only thing that can make me feel better. I don't know what's going on in my head right now. I keep thinking of all the shit that has gone wrong since this summer. And it just makes me cry. Chelsea dying, everything that has happened with the whole Don and Bobbi situation, Mrs. Jones is dying, and this overwhelming feeling just just me not belonging anymore. I've become so down on myself the past 4 months, and I've lost or almost lost so much. Sometimes I just look at Don and think why the hell am I still with him or why is he still with me? I feel like I've put up with alot more than I should have in this relationship, and when I need something, I don't get it. I love him so much, I just get so pissed when I really think about things. I get pissed when I do everything for everyone else. I was at Amy's house every day last spring and summer after Mike broke up with her and she was a mess. MY FRIEND FUCKING DIES FROM HERION AND SHE WASN'T FUCKING THERE FOR ME! I just give so much for people, and I get nothing in return. This just makes me want to be alone, I'm not even going to call her to go work out, I'm just going to do it. I don't have any real friends anymore. I don't have anyone, it's so hard to sit and cry to Don, I feel like how I felt when I would cry to Daniel, like why am I crying everything will be OKAY type of feeling. Oh and the ever famous, what do you want me to do about it. You know what I want you to do about it NOTHING because that's what people are good at, doing nothing for me. I've been having such bad anxiety attacks at night and I'm just crying and crying. I just don't know what to do. Maybe Don and I need a break, maybe I need to go see Adam and clear my head. All I know is I need something, something to make me feel important again. Cause I don't feel good at all. I was even thinking lastnight, how easy it would be to hop in my car and crash my car into a tree. How simple, would you care about me then? Would you care if I were laying in a hospital bed unable to speak? I'm just some fat worthless headcase and there's nothing I can do about it.

These are the worst days of my life....

Ex,oh,ex,oh