sad and confused
i've been having the time of my life lately. everything has been going my way, and i wasn't really worried about anything... but then tonight i had one of those nights where it comes and hits you right in the face.
i'm so stressed out, but i've been trying my hardest not to let it show. life is too short to feel poopie all the time. i'm worried about college, and i have so much to do in so little time that i feel it will never get done. and to add on to that my mom went off on me tonight about money. that's all she ever talks about is money money money. she went to that senior parent meeting and now she's freaking out about whatever they talked about. it really frustrates me to the point of no end b/c i pay for everything for myself. she hasn't given me any money AT ALL since i started my job. anything i want i have to pay for, this means clothes, shit for school, food if i wanna go out, everything. so i really don't understand why she yells at me about money. i have to come up for the money for my yearbook, my pages for the yearbook, my senior fee, my app. fees for college.... all of it. it's driving me nuts.
and then to add on to all of that i feel so alone sometimes. i don't have anyone i can run and talk to about things. no one really understand me except for like 5 people. i wish i was closer to my friends, and i wish i had that special someone in my life. i need to feel needed. thats just who i am. i don't feel complete without someone beside me. tonight after my mom got done screaming at me and i was done crying my eyes out i got in my car and drove. i didn't have anywhere to go. i tried to think of someone's house i could go to, but i couldn't i just drove around in circles. i feel like thats whats happening to my life. i'm juss going around with no place to go. hopefully i'll be fine when tomorrow rolls around. i just had a really crappy night, and since i haven't had one in a long time it really hit me hard. i'm just so ready to get out of this place. i need a new environment. i need to start things over.
sometimes i just need to hear those three words...
i love you.
i'm so stressed out, but i've been trying my hardest not to let it show. life is too short to feel poopie all the time. i'm worried about college, and i have so much to do in so little time that i feel it will never get done. and to add on to that my mom went off on me tonight about money. that's all she ever talks about is money money money. she went to that senior parent meeting and now she's freaking out about whatever they talked about. it really frustrates me to the point of no end b/c i pay for everything for myself. she hasn't given me any money AT ALL since i started my job. anything i want i have to pay for, this means clothes, shit for school, food if i wanna go out, everything. so i really don't understand why she yells at me about money. i have to come up for the money for my yearbook, my pages for the yearbook, my senior fee, my app. fees for college.... all of it. it's driving me nuts.
and then to add on to all of that i feel so alone sometimes. i don't have anyone i can run and talk to about things. no one really understand me except for like 5 people. i wish i was closer to my friends, and i wish i had that special someone in my life. i need to feel needed. thats just who i am. i don't feel complete without someone beside me. tonight after my mom got done screaming at me and i was done crying my eyes out i got in my car and drove. i didn't have anywhere to go. i tried to think of someone's house i could go to, but i couldn't i just drove around in circles. i feel like thats whats happening to my life. i'm juss going around with no place to go. hopefully i'll be fine when tomorrow rolls around. i just had a really crappy night, and since i haven't had one in a long time it really hit me hard. i'm just so ready to get out of this place. i need a new environment. i need to start things over.
sometimes i just need to hear those three words...
i love you.