(no subject)
"Oh Breathe, Just Breathe"
Thats what I have to keep saying to myself this week. Its been an awful week.....
I'm thinking of changing my major. I hate all my classes, they just aren't interesting to me, and its really hard to get myself to go to classes taht I dont find at all interesting when I'm as depressed as I am right now. I think I would be a lot happier here if I could just stick out the rest of the semester and I'd be able to change my major. Now... the question is, what do I change it to...well...theater. something in theater. thats all that I can get myself motivated about. Its all I've ever been interested in but I've always told myself I can't do it. My dad gave me this speech the other day about how I dont have any self esteem and how he knows I can do things, I just need to know that I can do them. Well, nows my chance. I'm absolutely petrified, but this is what I have to do to make myself happy. I'm never going to be happy otherwise, and I can't live my life like this... so its either a TAM (theater arts management) or a Drama BA... just need to decide which.... I wonder if I can apply to both and see if I get in either....
I flipped out the other night. Called my dad at 430 in the morning and told him to come get me, i was going home. He told me to go to bed (he's really good with the advice) and that he'd talk to me about it tomorrow, but if I still wanted to, I could go home. Well I slept some went to class, went to therapy, slept some more, and I'm still not sure what I want to do. I'm miserable here. but I know i'll be just as miserable at home. I'm just not sure I'm cut out for college. I need some kind of guardian angel who will take me and show me where I'll be in ten years and let me know what decision i'm supposed to make because being this upset is so hard when I dont know how its going to work out, or if its even going to work out. I'm at least sticking it out until fall break, that I know.
I just need to remember to take it one step at a time, and breathe, just breathe....