hard knock life
anonymous
May 17 2005, 01:56:36 UTC
i live in a house now where the people don't want me here, and i am in the middle of trying to get out on my own. kinda hard when u have a shitty job...no time for overtime unless i die trying to work when i am supposed to be sleeping. and appartments aren't cheap. i was going to someone for the feelings that i have, but when yu have no money to pay for it, it makes it hard to get help. i was on medcation, zoloft and klonopins to help, but i was feling like i was being weird, so i took myself off. plus, 30$$ a month for the zoloft gets pretty expensve. just recently i was having a hard time, and seriously thought of driving my car into anything that would smash it up. i cried alot. begged to just drop dead. how many people would be happy with that? alot, i bet. i told myself that if i had a gun, i would put it to my head and pull the triger. but i know deep down inside that i never could do that because there are a couple of people who truly do love me, and i feel like shit just thinking how could i do that to them? my life sucks, i am a failure at almost everything i do. i am never happy, i never smile, what for? i have nothing. i am apologzing to you, saying i am sorry, to you and all of your friends, for what i may have put you thru, i am sorry. but somtimes i let things get so built up, and i have no way of leting out, and when i find somthing easy to let out on, i just went for it. i will not bother yu or your journal or yur friends again. i am sorry. i am a loser. i dont want anyone to feel sorry for me. that is not why i am tellling yuo this, just for onec telling someone what i feel, and maybe why. you r lucky to ahve so many people who like yuo and care for you and stik up for you. you are a special person. and you are very pretty. i am sorry about calling u ugly, because u r not. you are very pretty, i am th e ugly one. inside and out. so long*
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