FIC: Illogical
Title: Illogical
Fandom: Legion of Super-Heroes
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~600
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Brainiac 5 (Querl Dox), Dream Girl (Nura Nal); Brainy/Dream Girl
Continuity: Set in and around LoSH v5 #11/12.
Summary: Brainy contemplates his feelings and the logic of Dream Girl-- if such a thing can be said to even exist.
Disclaimer: Characters mentioned are used without permission and are trademarks of DC Comics, Inc. I do not own them and am simply borrowing for my purposes. Please don't sue.
For petertam. Thanks to my beta frozencatnip-- you rock!
(Cross posted to _fanfics_, dc_flashfiction, sprock_you)
Illogical.
Everything about her is utterly illogical. He hates that. Logic, to him, is the thread that holds the universe together. She defies it all and he hates that, too. He hates the way she is, what she knows, how she knows it. He hates that he hates it because it means that he must care on at least one level, though he's tried to convince himself it's only because he hates the broken logic. But, mostly, he hates that he's never really hated her at all.
He tries to convince himself that he does because that would be so much easier. And, although he knows that most things in life aren't easy, he wishes that this time they were. He wishes he could be logical when it comes to her but it's like her illogical nature has somehow infected him. It's like a virus, one that’s impossible to purge from his system. And, even more irritating is the fact that she seems to know it. Revels in it, even.
She says things that drive him insane and he can never tell if she's serious or not. With her, there is no black and white, only a series of grays. He has never hated a color (though it's not really a color) as much as he hates gray. Just another thing he hates because of her. Because he can't hate her, try as he might. And he does try, but she's just too… too… well, he's not sure what she is but he knows he can't hate her.
Especially now. He doesn't believe in Murphy's Law (it's illogical too) but on days like this it seems it might actually be founded in some sort of logic that simply eludes him. He knew it was going to happen and then it did. He knew, but he ignored it. Ignored the logic. Ignored it for her. Always for her. He can't explain why he did it, but he did. Just like he can't explain this empty feeling in the pit of his stomach or how much it hurts to breathe. He can't use his precious logic to fix this.
It’s as if his entire universe has just unraveled and he has no idea what to do next. He acts on reflex and intuition for the first time in, well… ever. He doesn't know what to do, also a first in a long time, but he knows he has to do something. Anything. He doesn't know how to outthink death yet but he tells himself it's only a matter of time. He will fix this. He will bring her back. He has to.
Because he needs her illogic as much as he needs his logic. He needs the dichotomy of their relationship. He hates that he needs it, but he accepts it because he knows he'll never be whole again without it. He remembers her words to him, "You'll feel different when we're married," like a whisper in his memory. He remembers the look she gave him before she said it. And the one she gave him when she called him… sweet.
It gives him the one thing more precious than logic: hope. Illogical, mostly unfounded, hope. It suits her perfectly, he decides. She's still driving him insane. He just wishes she were alive while she did it - one of them ought to be enjoying it, right? But she will be again. And he will always hate everything about her, everything she represents, without hating her. It will always be that way when it comes to her.
Illogical.