the phantom limbs
in catching up on pushing daisies tonight, the episode revolved around an idea of phantom limbs. apparently, the culprit had his ring finger bitten off, and chuck mentioned that our bodies have a defense mechanism to convince ourselves that when the limb is gone, that there's still something there. it led to the idea that even though the things have grown close to us are gone, we feel like they're there. and when we realize the emptiness that fills the space where they once were, the pain is only worse.
phantom pain. it has been really great being able to be home for the holidays. i have been able to spend time with family, and with friends that are practically family. there is no doubt that i love them all. however, i can't shake the feeling that they have all learned to go on with their lives, without me. i have become a presence that they enjoy when i am around for vacation, but at the end of the day, they can still be content without me there. that won't prevent me from seeing them as important people in my life. i pine for the moment when i can come home and spend time with my parents and brothers, with the church family and kids, and with the random classmates that i haven't seen in ages.
i guess at the end of the day though, i have truly grown to love my close friends up at PUC. there's a comfort that has developed from having the ability to spend seven days a week with these people, and knowing that everyone's within arms reach. not being around them, and realizing that they're not around, makes me feel pain. in deciding to really strengthen a handful of friendships, it only makes the separation hurt that much more. as crazy as it sounds, it is almost as if they complete me. i would not be 100% john, without them.
so is it worth the pain? i think it is. imagine the body without your ring finger. it's a necessary part of the body, and when removed, you try to imagine like it's still there. as frustrating as that ring finger can be sometimes, my life's better with it there. come six months into the future, and this pain is going to be unbearable.
phantom pain. it has been really great being able to be home for the holidays. i have been able to spend time with family, and with friends that are practically family. there is no doubt that i love them all. however, i can't shake the feeling that they have all learned to go on with their lives, without me. i have become a presence that they enjoy when i am around for vacation, but at the end of the day, they can still be content without me there. that won't prevent me from seeing them as important people in my life. i pine for the moment when i can come home and spend time with my parents and brothers, with the church family and kids, and with the random classmates that i haven't seen in ages.
i guess at the end of the day though, i have truly grown to love my close friends up at PUC. there's a comfort that has developed from having the ability to spend seven days a week with these people, and knowing that everyone's within arms reach. not being around them, and realizing that they're not around, makes me feel pain. in deciding to really strengthen a handful of friendships, it only makes the separation hurt that much more. as crazy as it sounds, it is almost as if they complete me. i would not be 100% john, without them.
so is it worth the pain? i think it is. imagine the body without your ring finger. it's a necessary part of the body, and when removed, you try to imagine like it's still there. as frustrating as that ring finger can be sometimes, my life's better with it there. come six months into the future, and this pain is going to be unbearable.