the lessons learned...
i am very selective about the few entries that i post on myspace, and have come to a realization that they have all been somewhat depressing... so this being sabbath, i've decided to reflect on a couple of things... and here's what i came up with:
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i feel like i owe people who read my myspace blogs an apology, considering the things i post on this specific site tend to be depressing, and somewhat emotional... so i guess to balance it out, i figured i'd just write a couple of positive things going on in my life at this moment...
some lessons i've learned or have redefined about myself, just within this past month:
i've learned the importance of venting... i've been pretty open with anyone and everyone that was willing to listen... i am actually surprised to reflect on how much of myself i've revealed to others... parts of me that i am embarrassed about, or sides of me that seem weak which help others understand my inner struggles... people have been amazing at providing a listening ear, a soothing silence of which we can bask, and a level of confidence, where i know that they do not think less of me when i express uninhibited thoughts...
i've learned the importance of passion... not saying that i wasn't a passionate person before, but i've never realized how much passion has defined who i am today... i can be passionate about education, music, people... i've reached a point in my life where i want to pursue wholeheartedly the things that make me most happy... learning new things that i'm interested in... making sure i'm telling a story through the music i perform or compose... pouring all my efforts into those people that make me happy... passion is poweful... love is powerful...
i've learned the importance of going with the flow... i thought i was an individual of schedules and standards... however, the most memorable events of my life as of late have been when i've ditched classes, or went with the flow, such as all the random things that happened during choir tour... if i base my happiness on hoping that certain things will happen on a regular basis, i'll constantly set myself up for failure... an open mind yields an open life... living in the moment; such a simple concept, which yields beautiful results...
i've learned the importance of letting people be... what's bugged me most in the past month was people not living up to a standard i set... how can someone tell others what to do, or how to live? everyone has their own quirks and way of living... everyone has their own problems, which often lie underneath the surface... everyone has their own "strengths," which do not always come across that way to others... i've learned lately that when it seems things aren't so peachy, i'm failing to understand the other, and the feelings they must be going through... people are not out to screw with me; people need me to understand their frustrations, their quirks, their situations... that's who i've always been, and i need to remember to continuously understand...
i've learned the importance of letting God work through the spontaneity of life... in my past entries, i complained about how things weren't falling in my favor... new view: God pleasantly surprises you... just when i've come close to trying to control my life by letting go of the things that supposedly disappointed me, things take a turn for the better, and i'm always left in awe... i've said it several times, but what people call "coincidence" is actually "intervention," from someone up there that wants to see us succeed... sure, i'm a strong individual who usually strives to work through my own problems, but it helps to get a couple breaths of fresh air, and a reminder that He'll be there when i need Him...
oh, how much ease this has put on my soul, how much confidence and strength i've gained from a struggle... once again, it's funny how life works, huh?
- - - - - - -
yesterday, it was funny chilling for a couple of minutes in the lobby, catching megan up on new thoughts, watching darrin playfully kicking cory even if he was sore and sprawled on the lobby floor, and darrin and my impersonations of the amazing music we heard from music history today, which led into interpretive dance and spontaneous screeching on our parts... fun times at lunch as well, where i fooled pretty much the entire table about a sunday concert that was "on the schedule," and seeing everyone's expressions turn into disgust and frustration, haha!
spent the afternoon with jordan... we planned to watch pirates 3 at fairfield... i got lost on the way to his house, but i know that'll never happen again, haha! he drove on the way to fairfield, as we discussed the movie critics in us, and movies we've liked and hated... got caught in pretty bad traffic, so it was a good thing we got tickets to a later showing...
chilled in the mall, and pretty much window shopped, since we only had half an hour to kill... the movie turned was okay... i have to admit that i fell asleep in the beginning b/c i was so tired... but the ending was inspiring, mostly b/c hans zimmer's amazing as a movie composer... hanz zimmer is now higher on my heroes list...
the two of us headed back to his house, since he needed to be back before sundown... made a good choice in eating at his house, since it turned into family time+john, as mrs bargas prepared us food... we spent three hours around the family table, talking about performing, tour, my family, others in icantori, icantori in general... i guess i kept the family up longer than they normally stay up, haha! but it was good quality time...
spent today just lounging... i have incredible sleep debt from this past weekend's tour... i think i need to spend the entirety of sunday just sleeping, to make up for it, haha!
- - - - - - -
i feel like i owe people who read my myspace blogs an apology, considering the things i post on this specific site tend to be depressing, and somewhat emotional... so i guess to balance it out, i figured i'd just write a couple of positive things going on in my life at this moment...
some lessons i've learned or have redefined about myself, just within this past month:
i've learned the importance of venting... i've been pretty open with anyone and everyone that was willing to listen... i am actually surprised to reflect on how much of myself i've revealed to others... parts of me that i am embarrassed about, or sides of me that seem weak which help others understand my inner struggles... people have been amazing at providing a listening ear, a soothing silence of which we can bask, and a level of confidence, where i know that they do not think less of me when i express uninhibited thoughts...
i've learned the importance of passion... not saying that i wasn't a passionate person before, but i've never realized how much passion has defined who i am today... i can be passionate about education, music, people... i've reached a point in my life where i want to pursue wholeheartedly the things that make me most happy... learning new things that i'm interested in... making sure i'm telling a story through the music i perform or compose... pouring all my efforts into those people that make me happy... passion is poweful... love is powerful...
i've learned the importance of going with the flow... i thought i was an individual of schedules and standards... however, the most memorable events of my life as of late have been when i've ditched classes, or went with the flow, such as all the random things that happened during choir tour... if i base my happiness on hoping that certain things will happen on a regular basis, i'll constantly set myself up for failure... an open mind yields an open life... living in the moment; such a simple concept, which yields beautiful results...
i've learned the importance of letting people be... what's bugged me most in the past month was people not living up to a standard i set... how can someone tell others what to do, or how to live? everyone has their own quirks and way of living... everyone has their own problems, which often lie underneath the surface... everyone has their own "strengths," which do not always come across that way to others... i've learned lately that when it seems things aren't so peachy, i'm failing to understand the other, and the feelings they must be going through... people are not out to screw with me; people need me to understand their frustrations, their quirks, their situations... that's who i've always been, and i need to remember to continuously understand...
i've learned the importance of letting God work through the spontaneity of life... in my past entries, i complained about how things weren't falling in my favor... new view: God pleasantly surprises you... just when i've come close to trying to control my life by letting go of the things that supposedly disappointed me, things take a turn for the better, and i'm always left in awe... i've said it several times, but what people call "coincidence" is actually "intervention," from someone up there that wants to see us succeed... sure, i'm a strong individual who usually strives to work through my own problems, but it helps to get a couple breaths of fresh air, and a reminder that He'll be there when i need Him...
oh, how much ease this has put on my soul, how much confidence and strength i've gained from a struggle... once again, it's funny how life works, huh?
- - - - - - -
yesterday, it was funny chilling for a couple of minutes in the lobby, catching megan up on new thoughts, watching darrin playfully kicking cory even if he was sore and sprawled on the lobby floor, and darrin and my impersonations of the amazing music we heard from music history today, which led into interpretive dance and spontaneous screeching on our parts... fun times at lunch as well, where i fooled pretty much the entire table about a sunday concert that was "on the schedule," and seeing everyone's expressions turn into disgust and frustration, haha!
spent the afternoon with jordan... we planned to watch pirates 3 at fairfield... i got lost on the way to his house, but i know that'll never happen again, haha! he drove on the way to fairfield, as we discussed the movie critics in us, and movies we've liked and hated... got caught in pretty bad traffic, so it was a good thing we got tickets to a later showing...
chilled in the mall, and pretty much window shopped, since we only had half an hour to kill... the movie turned was okay... i have to admit that i fell asleep in the beginning b/c i was so tired... but the ending was inspiring, mostly b/c hans zimmer's amazing as a movie composer... hanz zimmer is now higher on my heroes list...
the two of us headed back to his house, since he needed to be back before sundown... made a good choice in eating at his house, since it turned into family time+john, as mrs bargas prepared us food... we spent three hours around the family table, talking about performing, tour, my family, others in icantori, icantori in general... i guess i kept the family up longer than they normally stay up, haha! but it was good quality time...
spent today just lounging... i have incredible sleep debt from this past weekend's tour... i think i need to spend the entirety of sunday just sleeping, to make up for it, haha!