the self-comparison to Jesus...
today's been an intense day, emotionally for me... but that's the story of my life... just one long roller coaster of emotion...
i was okay, pretty much up until wind ensemble... well, save the fact that i fell asleep in music history, even though there are only 5 of us in the class... going to wind ensemble, justin asks me if he could use my i cantori music, so i agree, but then i wonder why... it pretty much dawned on me that he just joined, 7 weeks into the quarter... that got my gears going...
in wind ensemble, we were practicing in the church... the acoustics are horrible... we sounded horrible... on top of the bad acoustics, people were slaughtering cutoffs, runs, and many things... yes, things paulin auditorium's acoustics can cover for us... suddenly, flashbacks of doc would come, and i would tell myself "doc wouldn't let that cutoff slide... he wouldn't let us sound this puny... he wouldn't let people play in wind ensemble just to fill in a slightly empty section if they sucked... he wouldn't let the frickin' first alto sax player play louder than everyone else, when he's not even the melody..." we were playing the irish tune from county derry, our most emotional song of the set, and i felt nothing... doc's conducting would've caused tears to flow down faces... and yes, that arrogant first alto player, playing louder than everyone... i was fed up... the rehearsal wasn't over... but i was done... i packed up my bassoon and left...
kara was there to listen... megan was there for the hug... but all the thoughts of justin were brooding... all of rasmussen's lecturing about "if you can't make a concert, quit now," "we're a team, and we need to act like one," started coming up, and suddenly, rasmussen looked like the biggest hypocrite, letting in someone into the special group, 7 weeks into the quarter! he missed 5 i cantori performances, many chorale performances... sure, let him in chorale, but not i cantori... especially when your tenor section's the strongest section in the choir, and adding another one would just be excess... i'm not mad at justin... justin's a cool guy... it's rasmussen, for his hypocrisy...
yes, i was ready to kill someone, and by bells, i didn't wanna be there... i was sitting in the seminar room with matt, andy, jordan, and tim, and the emotional side got to me again, and i felt my eyes well up... from the thoughts of wind ensemble, mostly... i had to leave and practice organ, to see if that would relieve any feelings... it didn't... i was in a bad mood for bells... which was supposed to be a stress reliever... grabbing lunch beforehand, yvonne was in the caf, and she could tell something was wrong and offered her listening ear, so i took the offer and shared my frustrations with her, megan, and marla... they were very good, and just listened, when i know they could've had a lot to say...
to top it off, we had that crazy 3-hour chorale rehearsal... rasmussen gave us the choice of when to come, as long as we stayed for an hour... i went for the first hour at 7, didn't wanna be there, so after my hour, left with josh and yvonne... ended up walking around with yvonne and marla for guy's somewhat-open house... afterwards, i decided to go back down to choir for the last hour... very few people left... at one point, i was the only tenor left, so i was singing solos basically... and my throat was dying... it was great that megan, cara, cory, and andy were there... it made the last hour somewhat fun, and lifted my spirits...
and i knew it would've been good to go to that last hour... andy ended up wanting to play settlers of catan, so cory, andy, and i went back up to grainger to play, grabbing up josh for the last two games... we ended up playing four games! i didn't win a single one, but like cory said, "i don't go back to my room caring about whether i won or not... i just see it as hanging out with my buddies..." so true... i really needed that today... cory and his spiteful moves, taking my trade to block me off indefinitely... me, comparing myself to Jesus when i was merciful in letting cory pass right through my settlements (i haven't laughed that hard in a long time... i was "Jesus" for several turns)... andy's unlucky inheritance from jen, and then just his sheer unluckiness... josh and his road 15 units long... the nonstop humming or singing, leading to the veto of singing... the thousands of people walking through the lobby, all saying that they love settlers of catan... crazy, b/c two weeks ago, this game was seemingly nonexistant...
my record's 2 wins, 9 losses... 2/11... yeah, that's pathetic, but i don't care! going from extreme depression, almost, to sheer joy... oi ve, this is not healthy for myself, and the poor people that call me their friend...
^ andy and cory, watching josh slaughter us all...
^ josh's 15-unit road... we ended up just giving him our cards to see what damage he could do...
you can faintly see cory's orange settlements squiggle through my white ones, illustrating my mercy...
i was okay, pretty much up until wind ensemble... well, save the fact that i fell asleep in music history, even though there are only 5 of us in the class... going to wind ensemble, justin asks me if he could use my i cantori music, so i agree, but then i wonder why... it pretty much dawned on me that he just joined, 7 weeks into the quarter... that got my gears going...
in wind ensemble, we were practicing in the church... the acoustics are horrible... we sounded horrible... on top of the bad acoustics, people were slaughtering cutoffs, runs, and many things... yes, things paulin auditorium's acoustics can cover for us... suddenly, flashbacks of doc would come, and i would tell myself "doc wouldn't let that cutoff slide... he wouldn't let us sound this puny... he wouldn't let people play in wind ensemble just to fill in a slightly empty section if they sucked... he wouldn't let the frickin' first alto sax player play louder than everyone else, when he's not even the melody..." we were playing the irish tune from county derry, our most emotional song of the set, and i felt nothing... doc's conducting would've caused tears to flow down faces... and yes, that arrogant first alto player, playing louder than everyone... i was fed up... the rehearsal wasn't over... but i was done... i packed up my bassoon and left...
kara was there to listen... megan was there for the hug... but all the thoughts of justin were brooding... all of rasmussen's lecturing about "if you can't make a concert, quit now," "we're a team, and we need to act like one," started coming up, and suddenly, rasmussen looked like the biggest hypocrite, letting in someone into the special group, 7 weeks into the quarter! he missed 5 i cantori performances, many chorale performances... sure, let him in chorale, but not i cantori... especially when your tenor section's the strongest section in the choir, and adding another one would just be excess... i'm not mad at justin... justin's a cool guy... it's rasmussen, for his hypocrisy...
yes, i was ready to kill someone, and by bells, i didn't wanna be there... i was sitting in the seminar room with matt, andy, jordan, and tim, and the emotional side got to me again, and i felt my eyes well up... from the thoughts of wind ensemble, mostly... i had to leave and practice organ, to see if that would relieve any feelings... it didn't... i was in a bad mood for bells... which was supposed to be a stress reliever... grabbing lunch beforehand, yvonne was in the caf, and she could tell something was wrong and offered her listening ear, so i took the offer and shared my frustrations with her, megan, and marla... they were very good, and just listened, when i know they could've had a lot to say...
to top it off, we had that crazy 3-hour chorale rehearsal... rasmussen gave us the choice of when to come, as long as we stayed for an hour... i went for the first hour at 7, didn't wanna be there, so after my hour, left with josh and yvonne... ended up walking around with yvonne and marla for guy's somewhat-open house... afterwards, i decided to go back down to choir for the last hour... very few people left... at one point, i was the only tenor left, so i was singing solos basically... and my throat was dying... it was great that megan, cara, cory, and andy were there... it made the last hour somewhat fun, and lifted my spirits...
and i knew it would've been good to go to that last hour... andy ended up wanting to play settlers of catan, so cory, andy, and i went back up to grainger to play, grabbing up josh for the last two games... we ended up playing four games! i didn't win a single one, but like cory said, "i don't go back to my room caring about whether i won or not... i just see it as hanging out with my buddies..." so true... i really needed that today... cory and his spiteful moves, taking my trade to block me off indefinitely... me, comparing myself to Jesus when i was merciful in letting cory pass right through my settlements (i haven't laughed that hard in a long time... i was "Jesus" for several turns)... andy's unlucky inheritance from jen, and then just his sheer unluckiness... josh and his road 15 units long... the nonstop humming or singing, leading to the veto of singing... the thousands of people walking through the lobby, all saying that they love settlers of catan... crazy, b/c two weeks ago, this game was seemingly nonexistant...
my record's 2 wins, 9 losses... 2/11... yeah, that's pathetic, but i don't care! going from extreme depression, almost, to sheer joy... oi ve, this is not healthy for myself, and the poor people that call me their friend...
^ andy and cory, watching josh slaughter us all...
^ josh's 15-unit road... we ended up just giving him our cards to see what damage he could do...
you can faintly see cory's orange settlements squiggle through my white ones, illustrating my mercy...