New Armor
Well, I have to do it today, gotta be a tough girl. I left a tear filled message saying he and I need to talk in person today. I realized after talking to my friend Chuck last night that it really isn't worth anymore pain. He said "Would another chance with him be worth the added pain?".Although he said if he means a lot to me still as a friend that if after I have my time I am over him that I shouldn't burn out the friendship. I just know if I can get over it, it will take a long time, putting 4 yrs in my backpocket like it never happened won't be super easy. I just don't want to cry anymore, I fell asleep with a migraine because two minutes after I got off the phone with Alex this morning I started crying perfusely. I just am trying to purge my feelings I guess. I can't compete for his want to be her friend, obviously. Therefore, I know where his feelings of "love" for me stand. Why do I hate this so much? I have to keep my head up and trudge on and let myself cry when I have to. Man, this makes me sound so damn emo. Oh well, Kyle did make me that AIM icon for a reason. I mean I dunno, last night my mom tried to say we didn't ever have to talk again if that is what I really wanted and I am sorry, but she really was out of line. If she knows anything about me, I need time to heal and then I am all ready to talk. Let's all hope I am not too out of it when he and I talk. Just the thought of it makes me wanna cry. Ok, ok, time to go make myself not look like I just woke up 40 min ago. Here's to taking care of yourself...
<3
Lila
<3
Lila