I was just thinking..
I want to fall in love. I want complete "Icantgetenoughofyouwanttoripyourclothesoff" love. I want that feeling of seeing someone walk into a room and just having your heart start pounding so hard you can hear it from the outside. I want to feel content. Fall and Winter always makes me like this. But I want to be in love. I have never been IN it, and I just think that maybe I should have my chance to shine. I want someone to just completely fall for me. No questions asked, no games, no lies, no chases. I mean, I like the chase, but how long can these legs keep running? I want dates, even if we cant have many, just a few. I want surprises, and roses, and letters, and songs that make my eyes water and give me chills up the spine. I want to wake up in the same position we fell asleep in, with his arm wrapped around my body. I want to look over and see that smile on his face that he has when he's sleeping. I want that contentment. I want the beauty in having a deep conversation under a starry midnight sky, and have him start dancing with me for no reason. The type of dancing you see in the movies, at a wedding, in your dreams. I want the passion sex, not the rough and tough drive me wild stuff. I want the real "making love". It lasts forever, it gets sweaty, you can look in eachothers eyes and be completely comfortable. I want my collarbones kissed, without telling him. I want my lips to be touched and I want to see the sparks fly. Give me that. And stay for awhile. You never really notice how alone you are until you sit and really think about it. I was never in love with rennie, even after 2 years. i was never in love with cody. Sure, I loved them both. But I was never in it. I want to be in it. I just want that feeling. I want to know what its like. I want to keep it. I want to marry it. Yes, I said marry. I have always said I would never get married. But I want the fairytale. I want the dress and the party and the honeymoon. I want that. I want the kids and the house and the family. I want it all. I'm young I know. But I want to be in love. I want to think happy thoughts of him, and feel him there when hes gone. I want to write love letters and not feel embarassed of them. I want to just feel complete. I feel 45% right now. I've been doing so good. But I can't take the empty, meaningless, sex anymore. I don't want to hold another hand. I don't want to get butterflies. If its all just false. I want the real thing. If just for once. Give me that.