"Hey! I can so protect myself here. Vampire, remember?"
That particular comment went completely without reply, and really, that was for the best. Yes, Harmony was cute, and really did seem to mean well, and was a... passable... secretary. But as a fighting machine? As a powerful, fearsome combatant? Yeah, not really.
"Does talking mean I can come in? I wouldn't mind coming in!"
Smiling at my secretary, I waved Harmony into the office, partly to keep everyone in the lobby from listening in on the argument that was always guaranteed to happen when Spike was around.
Spike, who wasn't listening to a damn thing I said, and who wasn't making any sense, anyway. Spike, who was yelling at me about talking to my own secretary. I shook my head, figuring that the idiot was still steamed over not having an office.
"To be fair, it really isn't bony."
"I... Yeah. Right then. Thanks ever so, Harm."
I frowned for a second, kind of off-put by Harmony's defending the putz, even a little. Honestly, I knew that they'd been lovers and all that, but I'd hung out with the guy for more than twenty years voluntarily, and then a hundred years after that with him as-- it had to be-- part of my penance. He looked like he needed a good square meal badly, and he always had. Especially next to me.
"That's it then, isn't it? You're fuckin' jealous of me! I got t'shag Harm, and you are all trapped with a soddin' curse!"
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms, leaning up against the edge of my desk. Constant exposure to Spike made it hard to stand sometimes.
"You know, you find a way to crowbar in the words 'you're jealous' into every damn argument you have with me, Spike. I really gotta think that's saying something about where your thinking is. I've never been jealous of you, jackass."
Of course, he just... kept... talking.
"And my feelings for Harm are beside the point. You hate her too! And I saw you, makin' with the googly-eyes at her arse and tits!"
Shaking my head some more, I waved a hand at Harmony.
"Look, not that you deserve a justification, but for everyone's information, just because I've got the curse, and just because I'm brooding and serious doesn't meant that I'm dead."
I blinked.
"I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
"Harm, now stay out of this. None of your business when me and Angel are talkin' 'bout you, got it?"
"But," I pouted a little, taking another two steps towards all the yelling. "But I want to help!! Isn't there anything I can do to...you know. Help?"
I took another two steps. I liked it that way. A nice even number. Because, well two IS an even number right? It felt even and all.
Even.
Smooth.
Smooth like...
I blushed. I knew what I was thinking. But there was no need to be crude. Or overshare.
"That's it then, isn't it? You're fuckin' jealous of me! I got t'shag Harm, and you are all trapped with a soddin' curse!"
All I could do was watch. They liked to yell at each other didn't they. Like, a LOT! I really wished that I could kinda make it stop. This didn't seem -- healthy and stuff.
"And my feelings for Harm are beside the point. You hate her too! And I saw you, makin' with the googly-eyes at her arse and tits!"
"Hey," I cried out, for a moment hurt. I cast a glance at Spike. "I defended you," I offered quietly. Then I looked at Angel. "And I -- well I typed for you. A lot. Sometimes even fast." Course at the last part I couldn't help but stand a little straighter.
No matter what they said, I knew I looked good. At least, that is what those self-help books said.
"I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
"Right," I nodded, determined not to let it all get to me, and to follow after that. "Got it. I...think? Not dead?"
Huh. Seemed that I could walk on through him anytime I liked, seein' how he seemed t'not even notice it the first time...
"You know, you find a way to crowbar in the words 'you're jealous' into every damn argument you have with me, Spike. I really gotta think that's saying something about where your thinking is. I've never been jealous of you, jackass."
I grinned, copyin' his pose. "Yeah, and you just got t'throw the word 'jackass' into every fuckin' thing you say t'me. Come now, you can think up a better name for me than that, can't you, Gramps? Or has your tiny little brain finally--"
'Course, I'd forgotten that by leanin' against the wall like him, I'd fall clean through it. I jumped up immediately, standin' and makin' sure everythin' was fine. Yeah... no one saw that bit.
Luckily for me, Harm was busy tryin' t'talk with Angel, which was always confusin', so he probably didn't even notice.
"Look, not that you deserve a justification, but for everyone's information, just because I've got the curse, and just because I'm brooding and serious doesn't meant that I'm dead. I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
"Right. Got it. I...think? Not dead?"
Lookin' back and forth between the two, I just shook my head. "It's undead," I corrected them, sighin'. Honestly. They were vampires, you'd think they'd know this shit by now. "And see! I was right!" I pointed at Angel as if it was confirmation of everyone's worst fear.
"Harm, luv, pet... baby," I spoke slowly just for her, "want me t'tell him t'sod off? Cuz, you could always wind up givin' the old man a happy, and he'd lose his soul... and then were would we be, hmm?"
"But... But I want to help!! Isn't there anything I can do to...you know. Help?"
I gestured at Harmony, who was getting herself dangerously close to Spike, who even for him, was starting to get more and more irrational by the second.
"You see? She's volunteering. Harmony wants to be right where she is, and if you're too self-centered and stupid to realize that, you're way beyond my help, Spike!"
But then again, he always had been, hadn't he? I'd never understood Drusilla's fascination with the little whelp before he was a vampire, and still didn't get the attraction after he'd crafted his little 'Spike' persona for himself. He was kinda entertaining every now and then, but overall? Pain in the ass, par excellence.
"Yeah, and you just got t'throw the word 'jackass' into every fuckin' thing you say t'me. Come now, you can think up a better name for me than that, can't you, Gramps? Or has your tiny little brain finally--"
Spike seemed to forget his ghostliness, falling on his noncorporeal ass right through the wall. I rolled my eyes at his scramble to get back onto his feet.
"My point exactly," I said coolly, "nice demonstration... jackass." I turned to Harmony, an apologetic expression on my face. I really, really had never wanted to drag her between yet another argument between Spike and me.
"And I -- well I typed for you. A lot. Sometimes even fast."
"You did," I said, forcing a smile, "and I really appreciated it. Still do, in fact. I appreciate... well, all kinds of things about you, Harmony."
Spike, of course, couldn't stay out of a conversation for very long.
"It's undead. And see! I was right!"
Turning toward the shorter vampire slowly, I gave Spike about the most frustrated, annoyed expression I could make.
"No one said you were wrong, you moron."
I buried my face in my hand. It was getting completely ridiculous, I was getting a headache, and I was sure that all of this was getting Harmony terribly upset. Maybe I should give her a day off, I wondered, to make up for it.
"Harm, luv, pet... baby... want me t'tell him t'sod off? Cuz, you could always wind up givin' the old man a happy, and he'd lose his soul... and then were would we be, hmm?"
My head snapped up.
"I'll have you know that any intentions I have are completely honorable. Harmony's far too good a... secretary to think otherwise. Hell, Spike, she's way too good for you, period."
"Harm, luv, pet... baby, want me t'tell him t'sod off? Cuz, you could always wind up givin' the old man a happy, and he'd lose his soul... and then were would we be, hmm?"
Spike was doing that slow thing again with his talking, where he gets this purr thing in the back of is throat? I didn't let him notice my noticing though.
"I just don't want there to be anymore yelling," I said quickly, meaning it. "So does that mean happy too?"
"You see? She's volunteering. Harmony wants to be right where she is, and if you're too self-centered and stupid to realize that, you're way beyond my help, Spike!"
Oh. Ok? Ummm...waitaminute. I scooted closer to Angel and leaned in, confused. "Hey! I am always willing to volunteer. Anything to get noticed, corporate ladder and all that stuff. But what did I just volunteer for?"
I see they didn't listen to the part about the yelling though. Ok, all right then. I heard.
"You did...and I really appreciated it. Still do, in fact. I appreciate... well, all kinds of things about you, Harmony."
"Aww bossy," I looked up at him and grinned. "I appreciate you too! And my new desk. You have to know I am not just saying that okay?" All of a sudden, for the first time like EVER, I really really really loved my job.
Like really!
"I'll have you know that any intentions I have are completely honorable. Harmony's far too good a... secretary to think otherwise. Hell, Spike, she's way too good for you, period."
"Okay, ya know what?" If they weren't listening about the whole yelling thing, then I was just gonna have to tell them. I mean I know I did before, but I would just have to again. And as long as I didn't have to spell it out? I should be fine. "Angel, who don't you go that way," I pointed over to her desk, with a smile. "I am sure there are all kinds of important things for you to do. And Spike, why don't you go that way?" I pointed at the door, and then the wall, before my hand sorta strayed to the floor. "Or I guess whichever way you want to go. I am sure there are things you can do too!"
There! I grinned.
"And I am going to go this way." I started for my desk, tossing my hair one last time. "Let me know when ya'll need any typing!"
That particular comment went completely without reply, and really, that was for the best. Yes, Harmony was cute, and really did seem to mean well, and was a... passable... secretary. But as a fighting machine? As a powerful, fearsome combatant? Yeah, not really.
"Does talking mean I can come in? I wouldn't mind coming in!"
Smiling at my secretary, I waved Harmony into the office, partly to keep everyone in the lobby from listening in on the argument that was always guaranteed to happen when Spike was around.
Spike, who wasn't listening to a damn thing I said, and who wasn't making any sense, anyway. Spike, who was yelling at me about talking to my own secretary. I shook my head, figuring that the idiot was still steamed over not having an office.
"To be fair, it really isn't bony."
"I... Yeah. Right then. Thanks ever so, Harm."
I frowned for a second, kind of off-put by Harmony's defending the putz, even a little. Honestly, I knew that they'd been lovers and all that, but I'd hung out with the guy for more than twenty years voluntarily, and then a hundred years after that with him as-- it had to be-- part of my penance. He looked like he needed a good square meal badly, and he always had. Especially next to me.
"That's it then, isn't it? You're fuckin' jealous of me! I got t'shag Harm, and you are all trapped with a soddin' curse!"
Rolling my eyes, I crossed my arms, leaning up against the edge of my desk. Constant exposure to Spike made it hard to stand sometimes.
"You know, you find a way to crowbar in the words 'you're jealous' into every damn argument you have with me, Spike. I really gotta think that's saying something about where your thinking is. I've never been jealous of you, jackass."
Of course, he just... kept... talking.
"And my feelings for Harm are beside the point. You hate her too! And I saw you, makin' with the googly-eyes at her arse and tits!"
Shaking my head some more, I waved a hand at Harmony.
"Look, not that you deserve a justification, but for everyone's information, just because I've got the curse, and just because I'm brooding and serious doesn't meant that I'm dead."
I blinked.
"I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
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"But," I pouted a little, taking another two steps towards all the yelling. "But I want to help!! Isn't there anything I can do to...you know. Help?"
I took another two steps. I liked it that way. A nice even number. Because, well two IS an even number right? It felt even and all.
Even.
Smooth.
Smooth like...
I blushed. I knew what I was thinking. But there was no need to be crude. Or overshare.
"That's it then, isn't it? You're fuckin' jealous of me! I got t'shag Harm, and you are all trapped with a soddin' curse!"
All I could do was watch. They liked to yell at each other didn't they. Like, a LOT! I really wished that I could kinda make it stop. This didn't seem -- healthy and stuff.
"And my feelings for Harm are beside the point. You hate her too! And I saw you, makin' with the googly-eyes at her arse and tits!"
"Hey," I cried out, for a moment hurt. I cast a glance at Spike. "I defended you," I offered quietly. Then I looked at Angel. "And I -- well I typed for you. A lot. Sometimes even fast." Course at the last part I couldn't help but stand a little straighter.
No matter what they said, I knew I looked good. At least, that is what those self-help books said.
"I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
"Right," I nodded, determined not to let it all get to me, and to follow after that. "Got it. I...think? Not dead?"
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"You know, you find a way to crowbar in the words 'you're jealous' into every damn argument you have with me, Spike. I really gotta think that's saying something about where your thinking is. I've never been jealous of you, jackass."
I grinned, copyin' his pose. "Yeah, and you just got t'throw the word 'jackass' into every fuckin' thing you say t'me. Come now, you can think up a better name for me than that, can't you, Gramps? Or has your tiny little brain finally--"
'Course, I'd forgotten that by leanin' against the wall like him, I'd fall clean through it. I jumped up immediately, standin' and makin' sure everythin' was fine. Yeah... no one saw that bit.
Luckily for me, Harm was busy tryin' t'talk with Angel, which was always confusin', so he probably didn't even notice.
"Look, not that you deserve a justification, but for everyone's information, just because I've got the curse, and just because I'm brooding and serious doesn't meant that I'm dead. I don't mean dead dead. I mean... I look. I'm not dead."
"Right. Got it. I...think? Not dead?"
Lookin' back and forth between the two, I just shook my head. "It's undead," I corrected them, sighin'. Honestly. They were vampires, you'd think they'd know this shit by now. "And see! I was right!" I pointed at Angel as if it was confirmation of everyone's worst fear.
"Harm, luv, pet... baby," I spoke slowly just for her, "want me t'tell him t'sod off? Cuz, you could always wind up givin' the old man a happy, and he'd lose his soul... and then were would we be, hmm?"
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I gestured at Harmony, who was getting herself dangerously close to Spike, who even for him, was starting to get more and more irrational by the second.
"You see? She's volunteering. Harmony wants to be right where she is, and if you're too self-centered and stupid to realize that, you're way beyond my help, Spike!"
But then again, he always had been, hadn't he? I'd never understood Drusilla's fascination with the little whelp before he was a vampire, and still didn't get the attraction after he'd crafted his little 'Spike' persona for himself. He was kinda entertaining every now and then, but overall? Pain in the ass, par excellence.
"Yeah, and you just got t'throw the word 'jackass' into every fuckin' thing you say t'me. Come now, you can think up a better name for me than that, can't you, Gramps? Or has your tiny little brain finally--"
Spike seemed to forget his ghostliness, falling on his noncorporeal ass right through the wall. I rolled my eyes at his scramble to get back onto his feet.
"My point exactly," I said coolly, "nice demonstration... jackass." I turned to Harmony, an apologetic expression on my face. I really, really had never wanted to drag her between yet another argument between Spike and me.
"And I -- well I typed for you. A lot. Sometimes even fast."
"You did," I said, forcing a smile, "and I really appreciated it. Still do, in fact. I appreciate... well, all kinds of things about you, Harmony."
Spike, of course, couldn't stay out of a conversation for very long.
"It's undead. And see! I was right!"
Turning toward the shorter vampire slowly, I gave Spike about the most frustrated, annoyed expression I could make.
"No one said you were wrong, you moron."
I buried my face in my hand. It was getting completely ridiculous, I was getting a headache, and I was sure that all of this was getting Harmony terribly upset. Maybe I should give her a day off, I wondered, to make up for it.
"Harm, luv, pet... baby... want me t'tell him t'sod off? Cuz, you could always wind up givin' the old man a happy, and he'd lose his soul... and then were would we be, hmm?"
My head snapped up.
"I'll have you know that any intentions I have are completely honorable. Harmony's far too good a... secretary to think otherwise. Hell, Spike, she's way too good for you, period."
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Spike was doing that slow thing again with his talking, where he gets this purr thing in the back of is throat? I didn't let him notice my noticing though.
"I just don't want there to be anymore yelling," I said quickly, meaning it. "So does that mean happy too?"
"You see? She's volunteering. Harmony wants to be right where she is, and if you're too self-centered and stupid to realize that, you're way beyond my help, Spike!"
Oh. Ok? Ummm...waitaminute. I scooted closer to Angel and leaned in, confused. "Hey! I am always willing to volunteer. Anything to get noticed, corporate ladder and all that stuff. But what did I just volunteer for?"
I see they didn't listen to the part about the yelling though. Ok, all right then. I heard.
"You did...and I really appreciated it. Still do, in fact. I appreciate... well, all kinds of things about you, Harmony."
"Aww bossy," I looked up at him and grinned. "I appreciate you too! And my new desk. You have to know I am not just saying that okay?" All of a sudden, for the first time like EVER, I really really really loved my job.
Like really!
"I'll have you know that any intentions I have are completely honorable. Harmony's far too good a... secretary to think otherwise. Hell, Spike, she's way too good for you, period."
"Okay, ya know what?" If they weren't listening about the whole yelling thing, then I was just gonna have to tell them. I mean I know I did before, but I would just have to again. And as long as I didn't have to spell it out? I should be fine. "Angel, who don't you go that way," I pointed over to her desk, with a smile. "I am sure there are all kinds of important things for you to do. And Spike, why don't you go that way?" I pointed at the door, and then the wall, before my hand sorta strayed to the floor. "Or I guess whichever way you want to go. I am sure there are things you can do too!"
There! I grinned.
"And I am going to go this way." I started for my desk, tossing my hair one last time. "Let me know when ya'll need any typing!"
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