Anything But Blissful Silence
Silence.
It emanated the car, and it seemed that even the engine quieted down. I could still hear the hum, so that meant that Giles wasn't as shocked to hear this news as I was. Understandable. It seemed that he actually put his foot down heavier on the petal, good. Get us there faster so I can forget what was just said. Please.
I wasn't sure if I had heard everything correctly, at first, but seeing Spikes eyes, all that hurt, jealousy and pain in his voice, I knew that he wasn't lying about this. This wasn't something that he would lie about anyway. This was all true, and the state of shock went up three points higher once I started to believe it. It was like my mind completely shut down, preventing me from thinking about anything else, or moving the slightest muscle in my body. But that didn't mean that my nerves stopped. I felt it all the way down to the ends of my teeth, to the edges of my fingers. I felt something. I didn't know what to make of it, and right now, I guess it didn't matter. I could feel. This wasn't some dream uncategorized, or stuck in the grey area of whether it was a dream or a nightmare. It was neither. This was life, and apparently, Angel was living it.
It felt like my insides were burning, but I felt my fingers cold as ice. My eyes had that burn, the very familiar and still completely new to me burn that was otherwise unwelcome. That wasn't a thought that could pass right through me, that was a thought that made me weigh every option to a tee, and made me lose focus on everything else, even though that's what I wanted to do. Focus on anything other than the current subject.
Angel. Was. Alive.
This was something that I dreamed about for years, it was my dream, it was the only thing that I wanted for so long. I loved Angel, and to be able to have a normal life with him seemed so far away then, and now, the finish line was crossed. So what did that mean? Was I actually going to hear his heart beat, feel his breath, and not be able to share it with him? I was happy for him, so happy for him. He finally got what he had deserved for all these years, and he didn't have to suffer anymore. He could finally live the life that was taken from him over 200 years ago. I felt Spike's eyes on me, and I knew that Giles was waiting for some sort of reaction from me. But I stared out the window, watching everything go by, and trying to think about the danger that Giles and Spike were in, and how with every second that was going by, and the closer we got to the hellmouth how much that danger was going to increase. I needed to take one thing at a time, and Dana was at the top of my list of things to take care of. Even though it was hard for me to decipher my decision that Angel wasn't more important here. It was taking a lot out of me. It was already taking enough out of me not to run to him and find this out for myself.
Giles had stopped, and it was obvious that we were at the hellmouth. We had left this place a few hours ago, and already there was more destruction. Word was out, and there was going to be a lot of gathering of demons to this place. It was still too early to decide if this was going to be worse than Sunnydale was. I was leaning on the yes considering the action that we all went through earlier. I unlocked the door, and turned to Giles with my hand on the door handle.
"Let me check it out first."
Those were the first words that I had spoken in a while, and those were going to be the only ones as well, unless of course I got some objection... which was expected from Giles and most certainly from Spike.
Right now, everything didn't feel right. It wasn't the hellmouth. It wasn't Dana. It was Angel. It was always Angel.
I got out of the car, feeling the dirt underneath my shoe and closed the door.
((Open to Giles and Spike))
It emanated the car, and it seemed that even the engine quieted down. I could still hear the hum, so that meant that Giles wasn't as shocked to hear this news as I was. Understandable. It seemed that he actually put his foot down heavier on the petal, good. Get us there faster so I can forget what was just said. Please.
I wasn't sure if I had heard everything correctly, at first, but seeing Spikes eyes, all that hurt, jealousy and pain in his voice, I knew that he wasn't lying about this. This wasn't something that he would lie about anyway. This was all true, and the state of shock went up three points higher once I started to believe it. It was like my mind completely shut down, preventing me from thinking about anything else, or moving the slightest muscle in my body. But that didn't mean that my nerves stopped. I felt it all the way down to the ends of my teeth, to the edges of my fingers. I felt something. I didn't know what to make of it, and right now, I guess it didn't matter. I could feel. This wasn't some dream uncategorized, or stuck in the grey area of whether it was a dream or a nightmare. It was neither. This was life, and apparently, Angel was living it.
It felt like my insides were burning, but I felt my fingers cold as ice. My eyes had that burn, the very familiar and still completely new to me burn that was otherwise unwelcome. That wasn't a thought that could pass right through me, that was a thought that made me weigh every option to a tee, and made me lose focus on everything else, even though that's what I wanted to do. Focus on anything other than the current subject.
Angel. Was. Alive.
This was something that I dreamed about for years, it was my dream, it was the only thing that I wanted for so long. I loved Angel, and to be able to have a normal life with him seemed so far away then, and now, the finish line was crossed. So what did that mean? Was I actually going to hear his heart beat, feel his breath, and not be able to share it with him? I was happy for him, so happy for him. He finally got what he had deserved for all these years, and he didn't have to suffer anymore. He could finally live the life that was taken from him over 200 years ago. I felt Spike's eyes on me, and I knew that Giles was waiting for some sort of reaction from me. But I stared out the window, watching everything go by, and trying to think about the danger that Giles and Spike were in, and how with every second that was going by, and the closer we got to the hellmouth how much that danger was going to increase. I needed to take one thing at a time, and Dana was at the top of my list of things to take care of. Even though it was hard for me to decipher my decision that Angel wasn't more important here. It was taking a lot out of me. It was already taking enough out of me not to run to him and find this out for myself.
Giles had stopped, and it was obvious that we were at the hellmouth. We had left this place a few hours ago, and already there was more destruction. Word was out, and there was going to be a lot of gathering of demons to this place. It was still too early to decide if this was going to be worse than Sunnydale was. I was leaning on the yes considering the action that we all went through earlier. I unlocked the door, and turned to Giles with my hand on the door handle.
"Let me check it out first."
Those were the first words that I had spoken in a while, and those were going to be the only ones as well, unless of course I got some objection... which was expected from Giles and most certainly from Spike.
Right now, everything didn't feel right. It wasn't the hellmouth. It wasn't Dana. It was Angel. It was always Angel.
I got out of the car, feeling the dirt underneath my shoe and closed the door.
((Open to Giles and Spike))