(no subject)
Today I looked into the past..
...and I began to hate myself for all the things I've done.
Sure world domination is a priority for me, but I still have a
conscience. I still despise the things I did. The lack of tact, foresight, and actual thought behind most of my actions. My business used to be to make YOU(generalized you) happy, and slowly that part of me faded away followed directly by the arrogant ass I have become. I love...but do I really? 18 and I believe I love trually love no family love, loyalty to friends, not that love I mean THE LOVE. It's hard to imagine, yet I believe it nonetheless. Is it my blind faith in the heart, or is it my own emotional incapacity to let someone else feel emotional pain because of me. I fear love now more than I believe in it. Love is dangerous it can break you in an instant, yet repair you the next, or infect like a cancer and eat right through you. It's a very hateful thing this love. I sit here now looking back on all my memories, and I begin to regret for the first time in my life. Not the things that have hurt me, but all those things I did to hurt others...I'm still standing in that class room facing her as she stands there crying and professing my sins against her...the hardest moment in my life. Even Boot can't compare. The despair I've caused with three simple words. I died that day. When I look down the tunnel of life I see no bright light waiting for me at the end all I see darkness ever darkening.
If I had one wish it would be for a reset button.
...and I began to hate myself for all the things I've done.
Sure world domination is a priority for me, but I still have a
conscience. I still despise the things I did. The lack of tact, foresight, and actual thought behind most of my actions. My business used to be to make YOU(generalized you) happy, and slowly that part of me faded away followed directly by the arrogant ass I have become. I love...but do I really? 18 and I believe I love trually love no family love, loyalty to friends, not that love I mean THE LOVE. It's hard to imagine, yet I believe it nonetheless. Is it my blind faith in the heart, or is it my own emotional incapacity to let someone else feel emotional pain because of me. I fear love now more than I believe in it. Love is dangerous it can break you in an instant, yet repair you the next, or infect like a cancer and eat right through you. It's a very hateful thing this love. I sit here now looking back on all my memories, and I begin to regret for the first time in my life. Not the things that have hurt me, but all those things I did to hurt others...I'm still standing in that class room facing her as she stands there crying and professing my sins against her...the hardest moment in my life. Even Boot can't compare. The despair I've caused with three simple words. I died that day. When I look down the tunnel of life I see no bright light waiting for me at the end all I see darkness ever darkening.
If I had one wish it would be for a reset button.