An update on my life
I'm bored at work so I guess I'll update on various things. The holidays are stressful. A good kind of stressful, of course, but stressful nonetheless. I've been running around and I still have gifts to buy. I'm trying not to go too crazy with the money I've just received because that is how I got myself into the situation I was recently in. I am actually keeping track of it this time.
Tomorrow, I will scramble to get a haircut and do some more shopping before I head home. My sister is in Key West right now with her husband and my mother just now got back from India. I bought everyone stockings. I'm so incredibly excited to be with my family this holiday season.
I think I have always had a misconception of the meaning of extraverted and introverted. I am introverted. I do NOT like partying all the time. I prefer time to myself, taking baths, cooking dinner... I always thought introverted meant that you are socially awkward, which I have never considered myself to be. I am going to stop trying to please my friends all the time by saying "yes" whenever they ask to go out, and then getting irritated that I said "yes." Not that I don't like to go out, but I do NOT want to drink and go to a bar. For a while, drinking helped me deal with various things that were going on in my life, but now I'm seeing a therapist for those issues..
My prospective schedule for next semester: (remains to be tweaked around a little)
M: 9-12 (lab), 12:20-3:20 (classes)
T, Th: 8-1:30 (work), 3:35-4:50 (class), 6:45-9:30 (volunteer training assistant)
W: 9-12 (lab) 12:20-3:20 (classes), 6-11:30 (work)
F: 9-12 (lab) 12:30-3:20 (classes)
S: 8-1:30 (work)
I know my hours for one of my labs is going to be switched around a little, and I have yet to schedule the other lab I'm in, which will be for six hours. I also am not sure yet if I'm being a volunteer training assistant but I'd like to be. I really enjoyed it this semester.
The classes I'm taking:
Abnormal Psychology, Psychology of Personality, Global Justice Movement
And come the end of the semester, my goals are to have aced all of those classes and to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!! FINALLY!!!! (on my way to graduate school, but not right away)
After I graduate, I will continue to work where I do (And I love it, because it combines my interest in counseling with my interest in community outreach. I love the people I work with and I love the environment). Probably get a second job as well if I'm not able to apply for a full time position. If I get a second job, I'll search for one doing research, like I'm doing now, so I can add it to my resume.
When I graduate, I will study for the GRE and start thinking about graduate school, although I have no immediate plans to go. I bought a book yesterday. "Insider's guide to graduate programs in Clinical and Counseling Psychology." My grad student recommended it to me. I think I might eventually specialize in Community Psychology, which is a part of Clinical Psychology but is more representative of my interests.
I have no doubt in my mind that I will acheive my career goals. I have my sister to thank for that drive, although I never really tell her. I guess I don't want to yet, because a part of me feels like they won't believe in me until they see the fruits of my labor. Not that I'm doing any of this to prove anything to anyone else but myself.
So a certain person who I've never really liked and only had a cordial relationship with through the years took it upon herself for some unknown reason to IM my brother and talk about how she is worried about how I'm in love with Chris and how he's a bad guy or whatever. She actually went into the details of our situation. I don't know what posessed her to do it, because it could have REALLY gotten me in trouble if Jatin had taken it seriously and decided to confront me or to tell other people in my family about it. Luckily, Jatin just IMed me to be like "Why did that redneck dumbslut IM me about you? It pissed me off." It made me happy to know that he was pissed off on my behalf. He said he knew she didn't mean it against me, but he took it that way. :) AWWW. My brother loves me. *warm fuzzies* Honestly.. I think right now is the closest that me and Jatin have ever been. I hope it stays that way. I even made him something for his birthday :)
I was like "I really don't know. I'm smart and know what I'm doing." He said "I know" and I was so relieved.. because he could have made a big deal about it or lectured me and he did NOT KNOW about me and Chris' situation. He's only met him once and did describe him as "shady," but once again, while I would understand if my friends and family were concerned about me and Chris (as they have been) and while I thank them for their concern,
I am NOT STUPID. I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to let ANYONE get me in trouble or screw shit up for me. I'm VERY RESPONSIBLE. I would never marry or have children with someone who would not be good to me or make a good potential father to my children.
I IMed her, confronted her about it, and told her not to talk to my brother because he doesn't like her. This is the part where I'd say "DUMB BITCH," only maybe she wasn't doing it to be a dumb bitch, so I won't say it. I suppose she could have done it out of concern, although I don't really believe that she is a human being and I'm not sure androids have the ability to experience concern for others. But it was a bad fucking idea on her part. I have a LOT to lose if me and Chris' situation comes out in the open.
This is the first time that I'm cool with my family, and something like this could FUCK IT UP. Plus, it isn't even a concern right now. Right now, I'm focusing on school and work, doing AWESOME at both, mostly BECAUSE of CHRIS (he motivates and inspires me), and me and him have time before we'd get into a serious relationship together.
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I'll end this on a positive note. I'm pretty happy at the moment and hoping to work on my suicidality and other mental health issues. The holidays are coming up and I have so many wonderful and special people in my life that help me get through the bullshit-
including you guys! Some of you I've never even met, and you take the time to leave me notes of encouragement when I'm down. That I appreciate deeper than you will ever know. At the same time, I realize more and more everyday that my happiness is in my own hands. While no one can do anything alone, nobody can truly help anyone but themselves. People have to take responsibility for their emotions and lives.
I take responsibility but I also need others to help me on my bad days. I know now that I have those people I need.
I have people where I work that care about me. I have professors who I work with that care about me.
I have a roommate that cares about me. I have cousins and siblings and parents that care about me.
I have a wonderful, amazing best friend/love interest that cares about me.
I have friends that might be flakey with me, but still care about me.
I have people on livejournal that don't even KNOW me and care about me.
:) Happy Holidays to all of you beautiful people.
Tomorrow, I will scramble to get a haircut and do some more shopping before I head home. My sister is in Key West right now with her husband and my mother just now got back from India. I bought everyone stockings. I'm so incredibly excited to be with my family this holiday season.
I think I have always had a misconception of the meaning of extraverted and introverted. I am introverted. I do NOT like partying all the time. I prefer time to myself, taking baths, cooking dinner... I always thought introverted meant that you are socially awkward, which I have never considered myself to be. I am going to stop trying to please my friends all the time by saying "yes" whenever they ask to go out, and then getting irritated that I said "yes." Not that I don't like to go out, but I do NOT want to drink and go to a bar. For a while, drinking helped me deal with various things that were going on in my life, but now I'm seeing a therapist for those issues..
My prospective schedule for next semester: (remains to be tweaked around a little)
M: 9-12 (lab), 12:20-3:20 (classes)
T, Th: 8-1:30 (work), 3:35-4:50 (class), 6:45-9:30 (volunteer training assistant)
W: 9-12 (lab) 12:20-3:20 (classes), 6-11:30 (work)
F: 9-12 (lab) 12:30-3:20 (classes)
S: 8-1:30 (work)
I know my hours for one of my labs is going to be switched around a little, and I have yet to schedule the other lab I'm in, which will be for six hours. I also am not sure yet if I'm being a volunteer training assistant but I'd like to be. I really enjoyed it this semester.
The classes I'm taking:
Abnormal Psychology, Psychology of Personality, Global Justice Movement
And come the end of the semester, my goals are to have aced all of those classes and to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!!!! FINALLY!!!! (on my way to graduate school, but not right away)
After I graduate, I will continue to work where I do (And I love it, because it combines my interest in counseling with my interest in community outreach. I love the people I work with and I love the environment). Probably get a second job as well if I'm not able to apply for a full time position. If I get a second job, I'll search for one doing research, like I'm doing now, so I can add it to my resume.
When I graduate, I will study for the GRE and start thinking about graduate school, although I have no immediate plans to go. I bought a book yesterday. "Insider's guide to graduate programs in Clinical and Counseling Psychology." My grad student recommended it to me. I think I might eventually specialize in Community Psychology, which is a part of Clinical Psychology but is more representative of my interests.
I have no doubt in my mind that I will acheive my career goals. I have my sister to thank for that drive, although I never really tell her. I guess I don't want to yet, because a part of me feels like they won't believe in me until they see the fruits of my labor. Not that I'm doing any of this to prove anything to anyone else but myself.
So a certain person who I've never really liked and only had a cordial relationship with through the years took it upon herself for some unknown reason to IM my brother and talk about how she is worried about how I'm in love with Chris and how he's a bad guy or whatever. She actually went into the details of our situation. I don't know what posessed her to do it, because it could have REALLY gotten me in trouble if Jatin had taken it seriously and decided to confront me or to tell other people in my family about it. Luckily, Jatin just IMed me to be like "Why did that redneck dumbslut IM me about you? It pissed me off." It made me happy to know that he was pissed off on my behalf. He said he knew she didn't mean it against me, but he took it that way. :) AWWW. My brother loves me. *warm fuzzies* Honestly.. I think right now is the closest that me and Jatin have ever been. I hope it stays that way. I even made him something for his birthday :)
I was like "I really don't know. I'm smart and know what I'm doing." He said "I know" and I was so relieved.. because he could have made a big deal about it or lectured me and he did NOT KNOW about me and Chris' situation. He's only met him once and did describe him as "shady," but once again, while I would understand if my friends and family were concerned about me and Chris (as they have been) and while I thank them for their concern,
I am NOT STUPID. I know what I'm doing. I'm not going to let ANYONE get me in trouble or screw shit up for me. I'm VERY RESPONSIBLE. I would never marry or have children with someone who would not be good to me or make a good potential father to my children.
I IMed her, confronted her about it, and told her not to talk to my brother because he doesn't like her. This is the part where I'd say "DUMB BITCH," only maybe she wasn't doing it to be a dumb bitch, so I won't say it. I suppose she could have done it out of concern, although I don't really believe that she is a human being and I'm not sure androids have the ability to experience concern for others. But it was a bad fucking idea on her part. I have a LOT to lose if me and Chris' situation comes out in the open.
This is the first time that I'm cool with my family, and something like this could FUCK IT UP. Plus, it isn't even a concern right now. Right now, I'm focusing on school and work, doing AWESOME at both, mostly BECAUSE of CHRIS (he motivates and inspires me), and me and him have time before we'd get into a serious relationship together.
UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But I'll end this on a positive note. I'm pretty happy at the moment and hoping to work on my suicidality and other mental health issues. The holidays are coming up and I have so many wonderful and special people in my life that help me get through the bullshit-
including you guys! Some of you I've never even met, and you take the time to leave me notes of encouragement when I'm down. That I appreciate deeper than you will ever know. At the same time, I realize more and more everyday that my happiness is in my own hands. While no one can do anything alone, nobody can truly help anyone but themselves. People have to take responsibility for their emotions and lives.
I take responsibility but I also need others to help me on my bad days. I know now that I have those people I need.
I have people where I work that care about me. I have professors who I work with that care about me.
I have a roommate that cares about me. I have cousins and siblings and parents that care about me.
I have a wonderful, amazing best friend/love interest that cares about me.
I have friends that might be flakey with me, but still care about me.
I have people on livejournal that don't even KNOW me and care about me.
:) Happy Holidays to all of you beautiful people.