13.

[hellish_requiem]

I shouldn’t explain to people that are close to me of my bonding system.
It always ends up hurting people.
It always makes people yearn to have it.
Or feel sorry for me because I need it, because it hurts me more so than helps me.

I wish I wouldn’t be as people-reliant as I am.
I kind of wish that I wouldn’t need physical touch as much as I do.
I wish that I wouldn’t need to cuddle.
Need the feel of physical affection.

I wish..
I wish I didn’t need.. So much fucking time.

Why do I have to be as fucked up as I am?
Why did I let her break me to this point?

My relationship with Mary.. It showed me how fucked up I really am.
How quick my walls go up.
How fast I am to run..
.. It kind of sickens me.. To know how.. Pathetic I am.
I wish I had more trust. I wish I didn’t close up like I did.

I wish I didn’t pull away from the people who’re close to me..
It’s not fair to them..
It’s not fair to me..

.. I don’t know..
I was happy.. Now I’m not..
I’ll get over it..

.. Good night, LJ..