What do I do?
I just don't understand something.. I can talk to people. I can comfort people in times they need it most.. I try my best to make people happy. Yet, when I see them smile, or see that my words have done some good, I feel even worse than before. I was talking to Tom today about Liz, no problems, just confusion due to lack of experience. And I talked to him, and did my best to help him. And I think, or hope, my words helped him. But today, when I heard Steph crying on the phone, I was overwhelmed. I wanted to be perfect for just a moment to make someone as awesome as her happy. And I don't know if I did anything but make her feel worse.. I think all I did by telling her how Stan felt was make things worse in her life.. I don't know. I miss talking to Bri too, she makes everything better. Coolest person online to talk to for me. Then I have Carm believing every 5 seconds I hate her, and I know she regrets it, I just wish she were certain enough about me to realize I don't. But right now she's not talking to me, so there's that. I don't know what to do about my life anymore.. I try to be who I can be.. and all I am is friendly. I don't know, I just HATE being alone.. and when I can be with someone, there's always just the right combo of complications where it wouldn't work. I'm tired of my parents telling me I need to get a g/f, my docs telling me to do so too so I'd stop being depressed, I just give up though. I think I try too hard and it shows, I'm gonna have a lot of friends for a while I guess.. and if anything happens from there. Thank you God. Welp, time to go watch Heavy, Left-handed, and Candid. Or maybe John Carpenter's Vampires. Vampirism and dark girls.. please come to me. I'll love you for life. Hehe. Ok, I'll update some other time when I'm not complaining.