Feeling better today...
I'm a bit better today, ate some over cooked noodles, and took a nap this afternoon for a while. It helped me feel better. Unfortunately, I have writers' block for TSYA so I'm working on PB instead. Although I only have it partially completed. Hopefully, I'll be able to finish the rest by the weekend.
"I can't believe he said all that stuff to you! What the fuck is wrong with him?" Duo raged as we cleaned up the living room after Zechs left. I finally found the courage to tell him what Zechs said to me. The reaction, I got though, startled me. A part of me half expected Duo to side with Zechs and what he said to me was really some sick joke, not rant about him like this.
"Calm down, Duo. He left and it's over. I'll just forget it ever happened."
"Like hell! Heero, he basically shoved everything you worry about in your face and brought it up when I couldn't stop it! He had absolutely NO RIGHT to do that to you! Don't sugarcoat this into something that it isn't. I know how Zechs is when he gets jealous." Duo said sullenly.
"You're right. You would know better than I do." I told him softly as I turned to put the coffee mugs in the sink. Duo did know more about Zechs than I did because he used to be with Zechs. That thought alone made me bitter. Zechs was a thousand times more experienced at being a lover than I was. How was I even supposed to try to step into his shoes? Who was I when compared with him?
Maybe he was right. Duo would grow tired of me. It was one of my biggest fears, after all. I knew that if he ever did leave me, there was nothing I could do to stop him.
If it was what he wanted, I would let him go. I would let him leave if it was what he truly wanted.
A warm breath of air caressed the back of my neck as strong bands of muscled arms wrapped around my waist. "I'm sorry." Duo breathed in my ear. His warm breath tickled my sensitive skin as he whispered to me how beautiful I was to him and how much he loved me. I let his words sweep through me like a spell and locked the tender words inside my heart.
Duo tugged me to our room and I let him remind me of how much he needed me. His fingers danced across my sensitive skin with gentle motions and subtle reminders of how much he knew about my body and how I would respond. He made my body warm up with the ever-growing lust I felt whenever we would make love. He wouldn't let me forget it and begged for a kiss from him.
My arms reached up into his silken mass of hair and caressed those beautiful tresses with my fingers as he gently pressed me down into our soft bed. A cool breeze ghosted my flesh as he divested me of my clothes, one item at a time. He kissed the exposed skin of my belly and pressed warm kisses at every inch. A moan of pleasure escaped my lips as he moved lower and began to prepare me for the long night that was ahead of us, a smile of happiness never leaving me lips as he made slow, sweet, and gentle love to me.
When I awoke, Duo was still wrapped within my arms and his warm breath billowed against my neck where his head rested. My body was sated and my mind comforted by Duo's steady presence and dedication to show me he loved me, even though my doubts had clouded my belief in him. Zechs' words had haunted me and Duo had to remind me of what I had and reinforced it with his love for me. I fell back to sleep, knowing that Duo was right beside me and I was safe within his arms.
The nightmares had come though as I knew they would. They always appeared when my trust in Duo wavered.
Sometimes ghostly images of J would appear, making me quake and tremble in fear. A cold hand would drag me away from Duo and take me back to that room that I had been kept in when J wanted to play with me.
Sometimes the nightmares weren't really nightmares, but memories of what my life had been before Duo had shinned some light upon the horrible existence that was my life.
None of these images were as bad as the ones where Duo would slowly disappear into the darkness and I would be alone, calling for him to come back and screaming for him to save me. The nightmare held onto me with a vice-like grip, refusing to let me go even as I struggled to free myself and reach Duo. No matter how close I came to saving him, he would always slip through my fingers at the last second and disappearing before my eyes. The nightmare had ensnared me and refused to let me go. I could feel the darkness over take me as I was drowned in the black ocean of oblivion.