Comments | hellesgift: AU: Well, that's one way... (Sam/Dean, PG-13, post AHBL2)

hellesgift

AU: Well, that's one way... (Sam/Dean, PG-13, post AHBL2)

Aug 28, 2007 23:06

Basically this is one long setup for some scenes I want to write later, plus it was written in installments for my best friend (hey chica!) and therefore is both disjointed and a total fanwank. Oh, and I mixed up some vampire lore (years of Buffy have their impact) and I introduced a x-over character. I think that's the whole confession...bless ( Read more... )

Comments 8

limejuize October 8 2007, 23:29:53 UTC

That was awesome!! I loved how Dean referred to Sam as the Universe. I would like to see how they adjust to Dean's new life. Seriously amazing and I can't wait for more!!

hellesgift October 9 2007, 11:54:22 UTC

Thanks so much! I've got all these bunnies for this world, so I look forward to adding. Thanks for dropping by and commenting.

vesuvianite October 9 2007, 04:19:02 UTC

I liked this a lot--both Dean deciding to sacrifice himself and become a vampire so he could stay around and protect Sam, and the idea that Sam's powers have actually grown since the death of the YED. And he's going to be a power to be reckoned with.

If you don't mind a suggestion (and since you said this might become part of a larger piece), I think you need to do something to identify the speaker in the section that begins with:

Lenore pretended she didn't like this anymore

It took me the longest time to figure out that it must be the redhead speaking. I first thought it was a combination of the third-person narrator and Lenore, herself. It wasn't until I was a good ways into it that I finally realized it was the other female vampire. Then I saw that you'd put "she" in italics in one of the sentences in the beginning, but that wasn't enough to make it apparent that it was her speaking.

Also, you've got a couple typos in this line:

had to get get Sammy back to the hotel. Dean had consolidate this newThere are the two "get"s ( ... )

vesuvianite October 9 2007, 04:32:29 UTC

Also, I meant to ask, did you know that there's an LJ community dedicated to Winchester vampire fics?

http://community.livejournal.com/vamps_win/

I think this would be a good candidate for posting there, as well.

hellesgift October 9 2007, 11:57:24 UTC

Made the changes on the typos...thanks! I wrote this as a gift for my best friend, and since she doesn't feel like beta-ing a gift is appropriate, there may be some rough edges.

As for the POV...I'm going to have to think about that, but I really appreciate your letting me know that it gave you a problem. The narrator in that section is basically alt!Willow, but I'm not particularly interested in identifying her as such. Really, she's a sop to my general weakness for OTP (I just don't like seeing Tara without Willow, although obviously it's not Tara...yeah, I have issues.) I think I can figure out a way to make it obvious that she's not Lenore without naming her; I'll work on that. Thanks!

anonymous October 18 2007, 04:57:31 UTC

Yeah I believe I'm going to have to thoroughly writhe and beg for a vampire!Dean sequel here. More, please.

anonymous October 18 2007, 05:43:59 UTC

And you know, because I'm a spiritual sentimentalist, I'm going to believe that glow while Sam held Dean through the change was their love for each other and the power of their willingness to sacrifice for each other somehow holding on to and saving at least a part of Dean's soul. I don't know if that's what you were going for but I'm going with it.

hellesgift October 26 2007, 03:16:24 UTC

Hey, I'm glad you noticed the glow! It's actually going to be important in a sequel, so good on ya. :-) And thanks very much for commenting and for letting me know you'd like to see more. I have some short snippets in mind (one should get posted this weekend) and then the long, semi-plotty, super-angsty one that the glow figures in. I like vamp!Dean, so he'll be back!