Call in three months time and I'll be fine, I know [closed/complete]
Characters: Neoptolemus and Helenus
Date/Time: Just before the current event
Location: Their apartment
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: A bit of swearing, a lot of angst.
Summary: Sex does not make a relationship, kiddies.
Helenus had been trying to avoid Neoptolemus to the best of his ability. It wasn’t mature but maturity didn’t really factor in. It was easy to get distracted around Neoptolemus and not think of any of his problems. Which was not what he should be doing, not with his family around. He had to think about them and factor in what they wanted now.
He had escaped to the kitchen, grateful that Neoptolemus didn’t seem to be around. Probably still at work or something. With Mina gone now too, the place was completely empty. It seemed strangely quiet now, uncomfortably quiet even though he knew that barely two weeks ago he hadn’t minded the quiet.
He busied himself preparing a cup of tea, if only to have something to do. Between that and his own thoughts, he wasn’t paying any attention to the world around him.
--
Neoptolemus, as it happens, had just got home from work and had thought all the drive back. It was a common thing, these days - ever since Mina had departed and he had been left with room to think again instead of dealing with a mouthy, only occasionally affectionate teenager.
…He misses her.
He misses all of his children, and often Andromache, but he wasn’t thinking about them this time. Instead he was thinking about Helenus, and Helenus’ avoidance, and Helenus coming back smelling faintly of alcohol and still not talking to them. Their relationship, in the past week or so, has receded to a point of non-existance.
He drops his keys silently on the table by the door, slowly unzips his coat as he heads towards the kitchen.
But no more, he’s decided, no more. They need to fix this, no matter what it takes, and they need to fix this quickly before it becomes another festering point between them. He isn’t willing to have Helenus unhappy, especially with him, and not talking about it.
…Ah, he’s in the kitchen. That makes things a lot easier, “Helenus?”
He leans in the door, making sure that his bulk (muscle, mainly, he still works out just in case) blocks over half of it. He half fears that Helenus would run out of the door and down the street if he did anything else.
--
Helenus froze at Neoptolemus' voice. It was a smart fear for Neoptolemus to have because one of his first thoughts as running. Coming up with some lame excuse and just going as far away as possible. Cass' room possibly. When he turned and saw Neoptolemus blocking him he struggled to come up with another option.
He leaned back against the counter, trying to act nonchalant. At the very least, leaning back give him the illusion of a little more space. His smile didn't quite match his posture and he knew it. It was a little too tight, a little too nervous. "Hey."
There was always the possibility of physically distracting Neoptolemus. His fingers clutched at the counter, resisting that option. It wouldn't help anyone at all. "Did you...uh just get done with work?"
--
Neoptolemus obediently backs up a step, just to give him breathing room, but still doesn’t vacate the door. He trusts Helenus, he’s never had any reason not to, but there’s obviously something that he doesn’t want to talk about and he fears running while that’s still hidden. He also feels that fearing running is a sensible fear.
Still, he manages a hopefully soothing smile from his position. Best to get started with vaguely nice things, best not to leap right into the dark discussion if he doesn’t have to, “hello.”
“Yes, just got back,” and best to ease it in slowly; not immediately jump forward and shove it down his throat. Neoptolemus is aware that he’s treating Helenus like a startled horse but he feels that it’s the sensible option; since screaming and anger and accusations have never solved anything for them and never will, “what have you been doing today?”
==
Helenus relaxes a little when Neoptolemus backs up, even if doesn't give him enough room for the escape he wants. Treating him like a startled horse is really the best option right then. All his thinking and he still had no real idea what he wanted to do.
"I- Not much." He gestured vaguely towards the mug he had just filled with hot water. "Made tea. Nothing exciting." He ran a hand through his hair in annoyance, feeling pathetic and awkward. "It's really quiet here now." He said quietly, not quite meeting Neoptolemus' eyes. It was probably the closest he would ever willingly get to admitting he missed Mina.
==
“…Yes,” Neoptolemus’ eyes to distant for a moment; before he forces them to refocus on Helenus. Moping will do no good, “yes, very quiet.”
Admitting that he misses Mina loud and outspoken and sitting in her bedroom most of the day will do no good. Crying over her departure, or mourning their loss, or admitting that things seemed quite happy in the fake future will help nobody.
…No, only talking will, “but you haven’t been very loud for the past few days,”
==
Damnit. This conversation was not going to lead anywhere good and it still looked like Neoptolemus wasn't going to move. "I haven't had much to say," or he's had too much and doesn't know where to start. Talking it out would be the best option, but he wasn't good at admitting his problems to anyone who wasn't Cass.
"Sorry." He doesn't know what he's apologizing for exactly but he's sure there plenty of things he's done. Ignoring the man who told him that he loved him wasn't very nice.
==
Nowhere good, no. But somewhere necessary and that really had to do… Great, he’s sounding like a self help book and they’re nowhere near the self help part yet. Best to keep pressing onwards and try to ignore the faint urge to talk like Freud.
…He’s using humour to cover his worry, pity him.
“Really, even after suddenly gaining a daughter and then losing her again?” He’s frowning a little now; not angry, but more… Questioning. Hoping to draw out the secrets of life, or Helenus, with a few wrinkles upon his forehead “Are you sure?”
==
Helenus felt as if something inside him was twisting up painfully. He had tried not to care about her. He hadn't wanted it to be real and if he had accepted her, he might as well have just accepted that somehow he had lost 20 years. And all the choices that would have happened in that time. He had accepted the fates were really really powerful and couldn't be escaped a long time ago, but to just skip 20 years had been too much to accept.
Despite all his attempts to stay out, he couldn't ever go far and she was there whenever he came back. Somehow in that short time he had cared. Even though every second she was around, was a moment he might have seen how she died. Something else to haunt him for the rest of his life.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Blocking out Neoptolemus and this apartment and time and maybe when he opened them again he would be back in Troy. At the moment, a burned out city and a people who hated him seemed safer then his conversation. But after a long minute, the counter remained just as solid against his back. "What do you want me to say?" He whispered. "I didn't want to be a father? I was terrified of caring for her?"
==
Neoptolemus desperately wants to reach out at that moment. Wants to pull Helenus to his chest and close his eyes and just avoid all the world until they can somehow feel alright again. It’s another thing that they share now, the loss of a child, and a even worse thing than hi loss. For while his children, his babies, might yet arrive here Mina is gone forever, gone away. And it’s terrible but they could mourn her together…
“No, of course not,” he spreads his hands awkwardly, keeps his place, “I just… Want to know why you’ve been avoiding me for the past week; that’s all.”
…But they cannot.
They have to have this conversation. And that means no getting distracted, no falling apart. And no matter how much he just wants to hold Helenus and be held… Well, he can’t. Because he suspects Helenus would just stiffen and avoid things and he can’t allow that no matter how much he wants to.
==
The one thing he hadn't wanted to talk about, and now it was out here. He could deny it, blame it on schedules or something, but that sounded weak even in his head. He wished he had just tried to distract Neoptolemus from the beginning. There was no teenager anymore to have to worry about walking in on them. But it was too late now, he highly doubted Neoptolemus would let him get away with that.
Reluctantly, he opened his eyes again, accepting that he was here. Stuck here. He still can't make himself look at Neoptolemus. Not sure what he'll see in the other man's eyes but confident he wouldn't like any of it. Instead, he turned around. Finally accepting that looking for ways to escape wouldn't work, and pulled his almost forgotten tea to him. Wasting more time by taking a long sip.
He took the chance to collect himself, to push aside thoughts of Mina and family and what could have been. "I've been thinking." He finally said. "Trying to think."
==
He wouldn’t. Even if he wanted to. There can be no distractions, can be no dropping this for a physical connection. There is sex, yes, but there is the relationship that surrounds it and the relationship is always more important no matter what.
…He hopes that their relationship isn’t just sex.
He licks his lips before spitting that out, tilts his head slowly instead and tries to keep sensible and calm. The only way to get though this is to get through this, the only way to get through this… “thinking about what?”
--
Helenus mentally berated himself for being so cowardly and weak the he couldn't face Neoptolemus. So he made himself turn, made himself now meet Neoptolemus' eyes. His fingers were clutched tight enough around his mug that his knuckles were white. He'd faced down an angry council of old men, he could handle one man. "I've been thinking about us. And..." if his hands had been free he would have waved one vaguely, but instead he settled for a shrug. Trying to encompass their whole relationship and whatever that meant. "This. Being here."
His gaze trailed down to his tea. "Having family here." If they had never shown up, this would have all been so much easier.
--
And Neoptolemus has faced down… Nobody, really. Somehow he has always managed to slip out of most confrontations, like a Karma Houdini who really never wanted to be a karma Houdini. The fact that he was his father’s son (and that his father’s sperm apparently made his son magical and shiny and always right despite being a irrational teenage boy, thanks dad) meant that the commanders took a long time to realize his faults, the swift ending of the war meant that he was never confronted for those faults, He just fell into the manipulation of that old seer, and he left so quickly with only two Trojans basically in deep shock… Yes, he’s basically properly faced down practically nobody before.
…But he has to do it now.
Great.
“Have they been… Confronting you again?” He asks, softly. Half wanting to confront them again and half thinking about what they awakened him to when he dared.
--
"No." Helenus straightens slightly because something in the question touched on his pride. "I can handle it if they were." Which was a straight up lie but the best liars always believe themselves. Right now he was certainly convinced he could handle it, though his current state and the tension that seemed to haunt everything he did said the exact opposite. He was a prince and they were family. Their family might be deranged and dysfunctional, but he didn't want to lose the few he had left. It didn't help that everything with Cass had been off ever since that stupid event when they'd all been so angry. And Neoptolemus was...something else.
Not quite an enemy anymore, but he wasn't (couldn't be because of the family Helenus was actually related to) family.
He sagged against the counter. "What are we?" His confusion leaked into his voice and he immediately pursed his lips, hating himself for that slip of perceived weakness.
--
“Of course” …Of course not. But Neoptolemus knows and has known Helenus’ pride. He has no wish to call the man weak as well as force him into a uncomfortable confrontation that neither of them really want to have but both of them must have. There is enough risk of being punched in the face as it is; to increase it would be the opposite of sensible.
...The opposite of what you should do in a relationship.
Not that (he barely allows himself to think it) they’re definitely in a relationship, some days he’s really not sure.
…Like today, “I don’t know.”
Today, when he looks inside and honestly doesn’t know the answer - they’ve been to Paris, yes, they’ve fucked… But one trip to Paris does not make a relationship (especially when they’ve only seen the hotel room of Paris) and fucking makes even less of one no matter how much he doesn’t want to think about that and let things carry on as they have been for the past month or more.
“Is this… What do you think it is?”
The first question still hovers on his tongue though, even if Helenus doesn’t know the answer himself: is this just sex to you?
--
He grimaced at the question being turned back on him. "I don't know either." He answered softly.
Most of the time Helenus felt a little bit lost around Neoptolemus. It was really weird sometimes. Being with him. Neoptolemus knew him, but Helenus had nothing more then reputation and some brief visions to go off of. Part of him was scared to find out more. Whenever it was just them he couldn't help but hear Polyxena and Paris and their parents' voices nagging at him. Reminding him of everything Neoptolemus had done.
During sex was the only time the guilt stopped.
"You showed up...kind of expecting me to be your friend. I don't know..." Sometimes, more often then not, he wondered if this was all another stupid game of the fates. He was supposed to end up Neoptolemus' friend and it felt like it was out of his hands.
"It's all happened really fast. Did you-stupid question. Never mind." Neoptolemus probably knew any random fact about himself that Helenus threw out.
--
Neoptolemus knows that, is actually quite perceptive under his reputation and the many things that he’s been forced into, but tries not to think about it. Tries not to think about how much opposition they face, how few people are truly happy to see them together. Definitely tries not to think of how they’re probably not even Romeo and Juliet, two against the world, because maybe, maybe, the passionate love and need for only the two of them isn’t quite there.
“I couldn’t help that-“ He stops, bites down on the whining just like he bites down on so many inconvenient thoughts. Whining will do no good, has never done any good and has never fixed anything either.
“…Did I what?”
Only getting through things, accepting the suffering and pain and the fact that he’ll never be fucking happy, will do any good at all.
--
"I'd never really-I didn't have any serious relationships back home. First I was too young to want that and then the war started..." And then he got dumped here. "Sex is good but I don't know much about the rest. Love." He thought about the kiss with Melinoe and how easy that was (with lots of alcohol but still) and how hard this was. Standing here and just talking.
"Maybe we were never supposed to be more then friends." Saying it like that made Helenus feel a little bit better, it made it all not his fault. If it wasn't supposed to happen then it wasn't supposed to. Nice and simple.
It still hurt to say.
He had wanted this to work, but he had to accept that what he wanted was not important.
--
…And that’s the point, really. Perhaps they were always too different for this to work, too separate for this to carry on. He loves quickly and deeply, Helenus has never quite experienced such a love. He’s used to relationships, Helenus is used to one night stands. He wants more, Helenus-
He’s not sure what Helenus wants.
…He wanted this to work so very, very badly. Has wanted it ever since he realized it, has wanted it more than anything else - but what he wants never seems to happen. And perhaps that’s for the best.
“I-“ don’t want this to end, want to keep struggling on in a basely unhealthy way, want it to be just you and me against the world “…I agree with you, we hurried into this too fast. And we can’t keep pretending that that’s alright.”
A pause “…Can’t keep pretending that we actually have a relationship.”
--
Helenus isn't sure what he wants, so at least they have that in common.
"I'm sorry," knowing that as much as it hurt him to end this, it had to be hurting Neoptolemus worse. He had confessed to love and Helenus still had no idea what to label what he felt.
"If you want, I'll stay somewhere else for a few days. It's my turn probably." He stepped away from the counter. He would have to get used to not touching. To sleeping alone again. They would have to talk now when they were in the same room.
"I...enjoyed when we hung out. My family might still be upset, but I don't think you are who they say you are. You said we were friends before and I believe you so can we do that?" He felt like a teenager. All awkward and unsure.
--
“It’s not your fault,” he shrugs, well aware that it hasn’t quite sunk it yet, well aware that he’ll probably want to bang his head against any number of counters once he realizes that this is it and that they’ll never be able to touch again, to kiss again, to curl together so tightly ever again- no, such things haven’t sunk in yet, “I haven’t been completely honest with you… And we just weren’t meant to be together, anyway. Just fate, nothing else.”
Just fate.
…Maybe he’ll get over love, in the end. Maybe friendship is better, actually holding meaningful conversations instead of just throwing themselves together in a mad lust for flesh.
“I… I think I need to get out of the apartment too, just be by myself for a few days,” he shrugs, attempts a smile, “you can stay, if you wish, I just need some time.”
Time… Perhaps time will be good for the both of them, “I like the idea of friendship, though. We can try it?”
--
Helenus managed a hesitant smile. If their positions were reversed, he wasn't sure he would be ok with going back to being friends so easily. He really, really hated fate.
"I'm gonna, I think I left some clothes in your room." He closed the distance, not quite meeting Neoptolemus' eyes until he was there, right in front of him. Neoptolemus was still blocking the door. "I really am sorry, you" loved me and I was scared to love you back, "deserve better."
He kept his hands buried in his pockets.
--
He’s still in shock. He still hasn’t quite comprehended that it’s over. He’s probably going to smash up a hotel room when this is all over: his company can probably pay for it.
…Fuck fate.
“Alright,” he nods slowly, smile fading at Helenus so close - he could go for one final kiss now. Could go for one final bout on the floor. Could try to convince him into another go. Could try and convince them both that they’re fools and they can work this out… “And I really don’t, but thank you for saying so.”
And he steps aside, “I’ll see you in a few days, Helenus.”
--
Helenus hesitated, feeling like there was something more he should say or do. Finally he nodded. "Right. A few days." He heard himself repeating. There was so much he wanted to say. Maybe if he could voice some of it. none of this would have to happen.
But it was too late for that. He walked around Neoptolemus, headed for Neoptolemus' room first and quickly gathering everything (possibly accidentally grabbing one of Neop's shirts in his haste). He could have waited, Neoptolemus had said he would be gone for a bit, but he knew if any time passed he'd never have the courage and he really liked some of those shirts.
Hopefully it would be easy, going back to being just friends. Helenus could hope but he knew it was pointless. He just didn't want to accept that either. He wanted something in his life to go right. And if that meant he wouldn't leave his room and face anybody for the next few days, that was fine with him.
Date/Time: Just before the current event
Location: Their apartment
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: A bit of swearing, a lot of angst.
Summary: Sex does not make a relationship, kiddies.
Helenus had been trying to avoid Neoptolemus to the best of his ability. It wasn’t mature but maturity didn’t really factor in. It was easy to get distracted around Neoptolemus and not think of any of his problems. Which was not what he should be doing, not with his family around. He had to think about them and factor in what they wanted now.
He had escaped to the kitchen, grateful that Neoptolemus didn’t seem to be around. Probably still at work or something. With Mina gone now too, the place was completely empty. It seemed strangely quiet now, uncomfortably quiet even though he knew that barely two weeks ago he hadn’t minded the quiet.
He busied himself preparing a cup of tea, if only to have something to do. Between that and his own thoughts, he wasn’t paying any attention to the world around him.
--
Neoptolemus, as it happens, had just got home from work and had thought all the drive back. It was a common thing, these days - ever since Mina had departed and he had been left with room to think again instead of dealing with a mouthy, only occasionally affectionate teenager.
…He misses her.
He misses all of his children, and often Andromache, but he wasn’t thinking about them this time. Instead he was thinking about Helenus, and Helenus’ avoidance, and Helenus coming back smelling faintly of alcohol and still not talking to them. Their relationship, in the past week or so, has receded to a point of non-existance.
He drops his keys silently on the table by the door, slowly unzips his coat as he heads towards the kitchen.
But no more, he’s decided, no more. They need to fix this, no matter what it takes, and they need to fix this quickly before it becomes another festering point between them. He isn’t willing to have Helenus unhappy, especially with him, and not talking about it.
…Ah, he’s in the kitchen. That makes things a lot easier, “Helenus?”
He leans in the door, making sure that his bulk (muscle, mainly, he still works out just in case) blocks over half of it. He half fears that Helenus would run out of the door and down the street if he did anything else.
--
Helenus froze at Neoptolemus' voice. It was a smart fear for Neoptolemus to have because one of his first thoughts as running. Coming up with some lame excuse and just going as far away as possible. Cass' room possibly. When he turned and saw Neoptolemus blocking him he struggled to come up with another option.
He leaned back against the counter, trying to act nonchalant. At the very least, leaning back give him the illusion of a little more space. His smile didn't quite match his posture and he knew it. It was a little too tight, a little too nervous. "Hey."
There was always the possibility of physically distracting Neoptolemus. His fingers clutched at the counter, resisting that option. It wouldn't help anyone at all. "Did you...uh just get done with work?"
--
Neoptolemus obediently backs up a step, just to give him breathing room, but still doesn’t vacate the door. He trusts Helenus, he’s never had any reason not to, but there’s obviously something that he doesn’t want to talk about and he fears running while that’s still hidden. He also feels that fearing running is a sensible fear.
Still, he manages a hopefully soothing smile from his position. Best to get started with vaguely nice things, best not to leap right into the dark discussion if he doesn’t have to, “hello.”
“Yes, just got back,” and best to ease it in slowly; not immediately jump forward and shove it down his throat. Neoptolemus is aware that he’s treating Helenus like a startled horse but he feels that it’s the sensible option; since screaming and anger and accusations have never solved anything for them and never will, “what have you been doing today?”
==
Helenus relaxes a little when Neoptolemus backs up, even if doesn't give him enough room for the escape he wants. Treating him like a startled horse is really the best option right then. All his thinking and he still had no real idea what he wanted to do.
"I- Not much." He gestured vaguely towards the mug he had just filled with hot water. "Made tea. Nothing exciting." He ran a hand through his hair in annoyance, feeling pathetic and awkward. "It's really quiet here now." He said quietly, not quite meeting Neoptolemus' eyes. It was probably the closest he would ever willingly get to admitting he missed Mina.
==
“…Yes,” Neoptolemus’ eyes to distant for a moment; before he forces them to refocus on Helenus. Moping will do no good, “yes, very quiet.”
Admitting that he misses Mina loud and outspoken and sitting in her bedroom most of the day will do no good. Crying over her departure, or mourning their loss, or admitting that things seemed quite happy in the fake future will help nobody.
…No, only talking will, “but you haven’t been very loud for the past few days,”
==
Damnit. This conversation was not going to lead anywhere good and it still looked like Neoptolemus wasn't going to move. "I haven't had much to say," or he's had too much and doesn't know where to start. Talking it out would be the best option, but he wasn't good at admitting his problems to anyone who wasn't Cass.
"Sorry." He doesn't know what he's apologizing for exactly but he's sure there plenty of things he's done. Ignoring the man who told him that he loved him wasn't very nice.
==
Nowhere good, no. But somewhere necessary and that really had to do… Great, he’s sounding like a self help book and they’re nowhere near the self help part yet. Best to keep pressing onwards and try to ignore the faint urge to talk like Freud.
…He’s using humour to cover his worry, pity him.
“Really, even after suddenly gaining a daughter and then losing her again?” He’s frowning a little now; not angry, but more… Questioning. Hoping to draw out the secrets of life, or Helenus, with a few wrinkles upon his forehead “Are you sure?”
==
Helenus felt as if something inside him was twisting up painfully. He had tried not to care about her. He hadn't wanted it to be real and if he had accepted her, he might as well have just accepted that somehow he had lost 20 years. And all the choices that would have happened in that time. He had accepted the fates were really really powerful and couldn't be escaped a long time ago, but to just skip 20 years had been too much to accept.
Despite all his attempts to stay out, he couldn't ever go far and she was there whenever he came back. Somehow in that short time he had cared. Even though every second she was around, was a moment he might have seen how she died. Something else to haunt him for the rest of his life.
He squeezed his eyes shut. Blocking out Neoptolemus and this apartment and time and maybe when he opened them again he would be back in Troy. At the moment, a burned out city and a people who hated him seemed safer then his conversation. But after a long minute, the counter remained just as solid against his back. "What do you want me to say?" He whispered. "I didn't want to be a father? I was terrified of caring for her?"
==
Neoptolemus desperately wants to reach out at that moment. Wants to pull Helenus to his chest and close his eyes and just avoid all the world until they can somehow feel alright again. It’s another thing that they share now, the loss of a child, and a even worse thing than hi loss. For while his children, his babies, might yet arrive here Mina is gone forever, gone away. And it’s terrible but they could mourn her together…
“No, of course not,” he spreads his hands awkwardly, keeps his place, “I just… Want to know why you’ve been avoiding me for the past week; that’s all.”
…But they cannot.
They have to have this conversation. And that means no getting distracted, no falling apart. And no matter how much he just wants to hold Helenus and be held… Well, he can’t. Because he suspects Helenus would just stiffen and avoid things and he can’t allow that no matter how much he wants to.
==
The one thing he hadn't wanted to talk about, and now it was out here. He could deny it, blame it on schedules or something, but that sounded weak even in his head. He wished he had just tried to distract Neoptolemus from the beginning. There was no teenager anymore to have to worry about walking in on them. But it was too late now, he highly doubted Neoptolemus would let him get away with that.
Reluctantly, he opened his eyes again, accepting that he was here. Stuck here. He still can't make himself look at Neoptolemus. Not sure what he'll see in the other man's eyes but confident he wouldn't like any of it. Instead, he turned around. Finally accepting that looking for ways to escape wouldn't work, and pulled his almost forgotten tea to him. Wasting more time by taking a long sip.
He took the chance to collect himself, to push aside thoughts of Mina and family and what could have been. "I've been thinking." He finally said. "Trying to think."
==
He wouldn’t. Even if he wanted to. There can be no distractions, can be no dropping this for a physical connection. There is sex, yes, but there is the relationship that surrounds it and the relationship is always more important no matter what.
…He hopes that their relationship isn’t just sex.
He licks his lips before spitting that out, tilts his head slowly instead and tries to keep sensible and calm. The only way to get though this is to get through this, the only way to get through this… “thinking about what?”
--
Helenus mentally berated himself for being so cowardly and weak the he couldn't face Neoptolemus. So he made himself turn, made himself now meet Neoptolemus' eyes. His fingers were clutched tight enough around his mug that his knuckles were white. He'd faced down an angry council of old men, he could handle one man. "I've been thinking about us. And..." if his hands had been free he would have waved one vaguely, but instead he settled for a shrug. Trying to encompass their whole relationship and whatever that meant. "This. Being here."
His gaze trailed down to his tea. "Having family here." If they had never shown up, this would have all been so much easier.
--
And Neoptolemus has faced down… Nobody, really. Somehow he has always managed to slip out of most confrontations, like a Karma Houdini who really never wanted to be a karma Houdini. The fact that he was his father’s son (and that his father’s sperm apparently made his son magical and shiny and always right despite being a irrational teenage boy, thanks dad) meant that the commanders took a long time to realize his faults, the swift ending of the war meant that he was never confronted for those faults, He just fell into the manipulation of that old seer, and he left so quickly with only two Trojans basically in deep shock… Yes, he’s basically properly faced down practically nobody before.
…But he has to do it now.
Great.
“Have they been… Confronting you again?” He asks, softly. Half wanting to confront them again and half thinking about what they awakened him to when he dared.
--
"No." Helenus straightens slightly because something in the question touched on his pride. "I can handle it if they were." Which was a straight up lie but the best liars always believe themselves. Right now he was certainly convinced he could handle it, though his current state and the tension that seemed to haunt everything he did said the exact opposite. He was a prince and they were family. Their family might be deranged and dysfunctional, but he didn't want to lose the few he had left. It didn't help that everything with Cass had been off ever since that stupid event when they'd all been so angry. And Neoptolemus was...something else.
Not quite an enemy anymore, but he wasn't (couldn't be because of the family Helenus was actually related to) family.
He sagged against the counter. "What are we?" His confusion leaked into his voice and he immediately pursed his lips, hating himself for that slip of perceived weakness.
--
“Of course” …Of course not. But Neoptolemus knows and has known Helenus’ pride. He has no wish to call the man weak as well as force him into a uncomfortable confrontation that neither of them really want to have but both of them must have. There is enough risk of being punched in the face as it is; to increase it would be the opposite of sensible.
...The opposite of what you should do in a relationship.
Not that (he barely allows himself to think it) they’re definitely in a relationship, some days he’s really not sure.
…Like today, “I don’t know.”
Today, when he looks inside and honestly doesn’t know the answer - they’ve been to Paris, yes, they’ve fucked… But one trip to Paris does not make a relationship (especially when they’ve only seen the hotel room of Paris) and fucking makes even less of one no matter how much he doesn’t want to think about that and let things carry on as they have been for the past month or more.
“Is this… What do you think it is?”
The first question still hovers on his tongue though, even if Helenus doesn’t know the answer himself: is this just sex to you?
--
He grimaced at the question being turned back on him. "I don't know either." He answered softly.
Most of the time Helenus felt a little bit lost around Neoptolemus. It was really weird sometimes. Being with him. Neoptolemus knew him, but Helenus had nothing more then reputation and some brief visions to go off of. Part of him was scared to find out more. Whenever it was just them he couldn't help but hear Polyxena and Paris and their parents' voices nagging at him. Reminding him of everything Neoptolemus had done.
During sex was the only time the guilt stopped.
"You showed up...kind of expecting me to be your friend. I don't know..." Sometimes, more often then not, he wondered if this was all another stupid game of the fates. He was supposed to end up Neoptolemus' friend and it felt like it was out of his hands.
"It's all happened really fast. Did you-stupid question. Never mind." Neoptolemus probably knew any random fact about himself that Helenus threw out.
--
Neoptolemus knows that, is actually quite perceptive under his reputation and the many things that he’s been forced into, but tries not to think about it. Tries not to think about how much opposition they face, how few people are truly happy to see them together. Definitely tries not to think of how they’re probably not even Romeo and Juliet, two against the world, because maybe, maybe, the passionate love and need for only the two of them isn’t quite there.
“I couldn’t help that-“ He stops, bites down on the whining just like he bites down on so many inconvenient thoughts. Whining will do no good, has never done any good and has never fixed anything either.
“…Did I what?”
Only getting through things, accepting the suffering and pain and the fact that he’ll never be fucking happy, will do any good at all.
--
"I'd never really-I didn't have any serious relationships back home. First I was too young to want that and then the war started..." And then he got dumped here. "Sex is good but I don't know much about the rest. Love." He thought about the kiss with Melinoe and how easy that was (with lots of alcohol but still) and how hard this was. Standing here and just talking.
"Maybe we were never supposed to be more then friends." Saying it like that made Helenus feel a little bit better, it made it all not his fault. If it wasn't supposed to happen then it wasn't supposed to. Nice and simple.
It still hurt to say.
He had wanted this to work, but he had to accept that what he wanted was not important.
--
…And that’s the point, really. Perhaps they were always too different for this to work, too separate for this to carry on. He loves quickly and deeply, Helenus has never quite experienced such a love. He’s used to relationships, Helenus is used to one night stands. He wants more, Helenus-
He’s not sure what Helenus wants.
…He wanted this to work so very, very badly. Has wanted it ever since he realized it, has wanted it more than anything else - but what he wants never seems to happen. And perhaps that’s for the best.
“I-“ don’t want this to end, want to keep struggling on in a basely unhealthy way, want it to be just you and me against the world “…I agree with you, we hurried into this too fast. And we can’t keep pretending that that’s alright.”
A pause “…Can’t keep pretending that we actually have a relationship.”
--
Helenus isn't sure what he wants, so at least they have that in common.
"I'm sorry," knowing that as much as it hurt him to end this, it had to be hurting Neoptolemus worse. He had confessed to love and Helenus still had no idea what to label what he felt.
"If you want, I'll stay somewhere else for a few days. It's my turn probably." He stepped away from the counter. He would have to get used to not touching. To sleeping alone again. They would have to talk now when they were in the same room.
"I...enjoyed when we hung out. My family might still be upset, but I don't think you are who they say you are. You said we were friends before and I believe you so can we do that?" He felt like a teenager. All awkward and unsure.
--
“It’s not your fault,” he shrugs, well aware that it hasn’t quite sunk it yet, well aware that he’ll probably want to bang his head against any number of counters once he realizes that this is it and that they’ll never be able to touch again, to kiss again, to curl together so tightly ever again- no, such things haven’t sunk in yet, “I haven’t been completely honest with you… And we just weren’t meant to be together, anyway. Just fate, nothing else.”
Just fate.
…Maybe he’ll get over love, in the end. Maybe friendship is better, actually holding meaningful conversations instead of just throwing themselves together in a mad lust for flesh.
“I… I think I need to get out of the apartment too, just be by myself for a few days,” he shrugs, attempts a smile, “you can stay, if you wish, I just need some time.”
Time… Perhaps time will be good for the both of them, “I like the idea of friendship, though. We can try it?”
--
Helenus managed a hesitant smile. If their positions were reversed, he wasn't sure he would be ok with going back to being friends so easily. He really, really hated fate.
"I'm gonna, I think I left some clothes in your room." He closed the distance, not quite meeting Neoptolemus' eyes until he was there, right in front of him. Neoptolemus was still blocking the door. "I really am sorry, you" loved me and I was scared to love you back, "deserve better."
He kept his hands buried in his pockets.
--
He’s still in shock. He still hasn’t quite comprehended that it’s over. He’s probably going to smash up a hotel room when this is all over: his company can probably pay for it.
…Fuck fate.
“Alright,” he nods slowly, smile fading at Helenus so close - he could go for one final kiss now. Could go for one final bout on the floor. Could try to convince him into another go. Could try and convince them both that they’re fools and they can work this out… “And I really don’t, but thank you for saying so.”
And he steps aside, “I’ll see you in a few days, Helenus.”
--
Helenus hesitated, feeling like there was something more he should say or do. Finally he nodded. "Right. A few days." He heard himself repeating. There was so much he wanted to say. Maybe if he could voice some of it. none of this would have to happen.
But it was too late for that. He walked around Neoptolemus, headed for Neoptolemus' room first and quickly gathering everything (possibly accidentally grabbing one of Neop's shirts in his haste). He could have waited, Neoptolemus had said he would be gone for a bit, but he knew if any time passed he'd never have the courage and he really liked some of those shirts.
Hopefully it would be easy, going back to being just friends. Helenus could hope but he knew it was pointless. He just didn't want to accept that either. He wanted something in his life to go right. And if that meant he wouldn't leave his room and face anybody for the next few days, that was fine with him.