lost

[hellaleanne]

i feel like i am in different worlds.
each world distinct.
each world with good and bad qualities.
each world with no place for me.
i really wish i could find a place for me.
a place where i feel comfortable.
a place where the people want me there too.
i dont want to feel like a hypocrite.
but it is hard to know what your hypocracy lies on when you dont know what you stand for.
i am so afraid that sac state is going to keep me in my stagnent worlds.
college is supposed to be a time of self discovery.
A time to find your nitch in the world.
sac state is the glue that binds me to my so so life.
i watch the people around me change.
some throwing there lives down the drain.
others flourishing in new relationships and adventures.
and i am jealous of the movement of their lives.
when will it be my turn to move.
i cant stay here anymore.
i have lost what gave me control in my life.
but staying still is better than going back.