im pissed!
so my sister told me that i could get a free phone if i go to the sprint store and tell them that mines fucked up...so i did just that. and all the guy did was GIVE ME A NEW BATTERY. i was like...what about the new phone!?!? it was sad. i wasted gas just to get a new battery when mines not even fucked up. i guess thats what i get for lying. ehhh....
this weekend was great!! steph and sarah came down and we had boatloads of fun. we kited a lot of flys. ha that sounds so weird. no one knows what im talking about haaaaa! anyway it was good. i cant wait til next weekend when i can see them again. that sounds so gay! but really theyre all i have. its sad actually. im getting better i think. im slowly starting to feel like i dont need a guy in my life. i mean a certain guy. we all know who he is...but we do not speak his name. haa. im so bitter now. i hate that im bitter about guys. because i dont think i was always like this. it just seems as though guys enjoy fucking up my life. i really do hate them. actually i just really hate him. i hate how ive let him ruin everything else for me. but then maybe its just me ruining everything for myself. fuck this. sarah and i wallowed this weekend. but see i think i wallow too often. an every once in a while wallow is fine. but i think i wallow like every other day. thats bad! im bad! im bad! you know it! oh god i just pictured zach doing it...DEATH. haha that was funny. anyway...all i do in my free time is read, or listen to depressing music and cry and write poetry. ITS FUCKED UP! im a nice person i shouldnt have to feel like this. and then i feel like a freak because im not totally over him yet and its been like 2 fucking months. and ive had opportunities to date others and i just cant do it. I CANT. i dont even enjoy flirting with hot guys anymore. i mean i do it, but only because its a habit. i couldnt care less about guys right now. but that sucks because im missing good dating opportunities right?? i just think i shouldnt be feeling this way. at all. im so confused. the only reason i dont crawl in a hole and die is because i go to work and school. it takes my mind off of everything. then im tired when i come home so i usually just read and go to sleep. thats the routine. and that will be the routine for like, the next 4 months. this routine sucks ass! i have no friends here, everyones gone. sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend just so that it would at least fill some of the void..but then i remember that im stupid and dont want a boyfriend at all. i have a feeling ill probably wallow a lot until i leave in january. im so excited about it. its weird because i want to enjoy the time i have left with my family, because i know once im gone it will be totally different..but i really want to leave!!! right now!!! i want to be in huntsville with my friends!!! its going to be a lot of fun. getting away from everything here. but when i leave my parents are moving into a smaller house, because ill be gone and jolene and fred will be gone this weekend. WHAT THE FUCK. thats another thing that im sad about! jolene and fred are moving into their house on saturday! so not only will i be without my friends, but ill be without my sister too! this is bad. the hits just keep on coming. i wish i was in a coma until january. well..maybe til christmas. i would want to be awake for presents. oh god i have to get ready for work. thisssss sucksssssssssssss
this weekend was great!! steph and sarah came down and we had boatloads of fun. we kited a lot of flys. ha that sounds so weird. no one knows what im talking about haaaaa! anyway it was good. i cant wait til next weekend when i can see them again. that sounds so gay! but really theyre all i have. its sad actually. im getting better i think. im slowly starting to feel like i dont need a guy in my life. i mean a certain guy. we all know who he is...but we do not speak his name. haa. im so bitter now. i hate that im bitter about guys. because i dont think i was always like this. it just seems as though guys enjoy fucking up my life. i really do hate them. actually i just really hate him. i hate how ive let him ruin everything else for me. but then maybe its just me ruining everything for myself. fuck this. sarah and i wallowed this weekend. but see i think i wallow too often. an every once in a while wallow is fine. but i think i wallow like every other day. thats bad! im bad! im bad! you know it! oh god i just pictured zach doing it...DEATH. haha that was funny. anyway...all i do in my free time is read, or listen to depressing music and cry and write poetry. ITS FUCKED UP! im a nice person i shouldnt have to feel like this. and then i feel like a freak because im not totally over him yet and its been like 2 fucking months. and ive had opportunities to date others and i just cant do it. I CANT. i dont even enjoy flirting with hot guys anymore. i mean i do it, but only because its a habit. i couldnt care less about guys right now. but that sucks because im missing good dating opportunities right?? i just think i shouldnt be feeling this way. at all. im so confused. the only reason i dont crawl in a hole and die is because i go to work and school. it takes my mind off of everything. then im tired when i come home so i usually just read and go to sleep. thats the routine. and that will be the routine for like, the next 4 months. this routine sucks ass! i have no friends here, everyones gone. sometimes i wish i had a boyfriend just so that it would at least fill some of the void..but then i remember that im stupid and dont want a boyfriend at all. i have a feeling ill probably wallow a lot until i leave in january. im so excited about it. its weird because i want to enjoy the time i have left with my family, because i know once im gone it will be totally different..but i really want to leave!!! right now!!! i want to be in huntsville with my friends!!! its going to be a lot of fun. getting away from everything here. but when i leave my parents are moving into a smaller house, because ill be gone and jolene and fred will be gone this weekend. WHAT THE FUCK. thats another thing that im sad about! jolene and fred are moving into their house on saturday! so not only will i be without my friends, but ill be without my sister too! this is bad. the hits just keep on coming. i wish i was in a coma until january. well..maybe til christmas. i would want to be awake for presents. oh god i have to get ready for work. thisssss sucksssssssssssss