i slowly become some why that you live with [VFW: Ramon]

[tendencytostart]

There are few things St. John dislikes worse than being cooped up because nature is doing something that prevents him escape. Amongst those are root canals, the Shop, and getting seeds stuck in his teeth

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[susurrosmuertos]

He sniffs, which maybe was intended to sound dismissive, or just one of those sounds you make to cover up how uncomfortable you feel, but, as with all things Ramon-related, it sounds pathetic. He ducks his head and rubs a hand at the back of his neck, causing his bangs to fall all the more severely into his face.

"...I-I don't really know sometimes, St. John. I try, I really, really try. I kn-know it's never going to get any easier. It's...yeah, n-never going to go away. But..."

He trails off, fiddling with one of his pawns in the lull, rolling his finger on top of it and making it tip, but never tumble, over.

"Sometimes I w-wonder that too. If I can, y-yeah, keep dealing with it. If it's ever gonna, you know, get to be-...If there's only so long be-before I just-..."

Ramon stops talking immediately, his lips pressing together tighly, making the corners of them go white. Pouring out your heart to St. John...well, he wouldn't say it never goes WELL, since it sometimes grants him perspective or at least helps a little in getting him to harden the fuck up, but come on. He's certain confessing the fear that someday he's going to go crazy from all of this just isn't something Sinjin wants to hear. And it's not like he's the only one present in good ol' Hell, WI that's thought their sanity was in danger.

Besides, he feels weirdly selfish talking about his problems when Nica's passing is still so fresh. They both wanted a distraction from talking about her, but this doesn't seem like a suitable one.

So instead of carrying on with the conversation just yet, Ramon moves of one his bishops, thusly nixing that exposed knight of St. John's. Derp.

[tendencytostart]

"You know," St. John returns conversationally, hair hiding most of his face (which is probably fortunate), "if you were going to lose it, you'd have done already." This is an entirely new take on cold comfort, but Ramon probably knows better than to expect more. Whether or not it's sufficient - because really, what could be - is certain to be buried somewhere in the cobwebby back of St. John's brainmeats, along with things like common decency and when was the last time he had a haircut.

Still, on the subject of certainty, he does sound it, like this is the only logical conclusion to come to. If Ramon isn't a gibbering wreck already, he ought to be fine. Again, cold comfort - for a boy who can freeze things with a touch or a glance, Bobby Drake very often has about a thousand times more warmth than St. John. Oh the delicious irony. It tastes like pancakes.

Meanwhile, he is rapidly losing pieces left and right. Strategy is generally one of his strong points, but...well. It's been a weird week. "You'll be fine," he adds blandly, shoving his other knight somewhere. Again, that unflagging sureness, which is born entirely of an inner conviction that if he loses anyone else, something drastic will happen. Bobby's dramatic return has unsettled him - he'd set himself for that punch already.

[susurrosmuertos]

"...You really think so." It's kind of hard to classify that statement. The wording sounds hopeful, is phrased like a question, but is said in a flat tone that isn't quite skeptical and certainly doesn't have that lilt of an inquiry. Ramon will always be a failure at normal human inflection, so you're welcome to take that as you will, St. John.

"I d-dunno, it just always seems to get worse and worse around here, doesn't it? S'funny. Since the place is called, you know, Hell." His voice betrays that he doesn't find this to be funny at all. "So...yeah." Ramon will also always fail at proper conclusions to a statement.

Ramon is, in fact, also unusually good at chess, as all geeks like him should be. The fact that he's been playing this whole time so offhandedly and in sure, decisive moves is probably not going to make him any less an infuriating opponent.

"...I met a little girl today," he suddenly adds in an abrupt shifting of conversational gears. "Here at the...place." He has no idea what this building is actually called. "I think she can see them too." Ramon feels guilty that he's even just a tiny bit excited at this prospect, but at the same time, it still sounds like he just told St. John that today, he met someone who had cancer.

[tendencytostart]

"It's a VFW," he informs the other boy (who is always going to be a boy around here, friends, until he is 80 - presuming any of them live that long). "Whatever the hell that is." The concept of 'Veterans of Foreign Wars' for the two of them is probably at least a slightly muzzy one, running the gamut from subtly to completely foreign as they do themselves.

Not that the rest of this statement isn't obviously the more important part. St. John is just going to take his sweet damn time grooving over to the new conversational plane. Apparently since he is miserably losing at chess he will take his small pleasures where he can find them. Obstinate goob.

Thus, rather than asking probing questions which might indicate that he cares in some fashion, he will just lean back in his chair and cross his arms over his stomach. Do continue, Ramon!

[susurrosmuertos]

There's a long silence in which Ramon seems to either be waiting for St. John to make his move, or to keep speaking. He'd spent this time either studying the board or the ceiling. (He's pretty sure he just felt some water hit his neck.) But when there's neither after a good minute or so, it occurs to him to actually look at St. John and realize that he's looking at him in that aloof, expectant way. Oh.

"...Uh. She-...Yeah. Little girl? There was...another little girl in here tonight too. A-...She was, you know." He makes a pained frown at just recalling it. But Ramon's aware he's probably not being clear enough, so he muscles his way through saying it as best he can. "...The other little girl was...one of them." Don't make him say 'dead'. Please. "And th-the one who was talking to me, she-...She could see her too."

He looks up at his companion across from him, eyes wide in confusion. "But she didn't seem scared."