Johnny Sweatpants
I am home safe and sane following the best Christmas in memory. Opening presents has never been so cathartic.
My parents have some sort of uber cable and I watched six hours of Bret Michaels Rock of Love. Women compete for a chance to "rock" his "world", but as Bret himself points out, "No one really knows who did what with who." My sister and her boyfriend kept shouting at the girl who eventually won, "You're too good for him!" Then, just as you think Bret is going to pick his true love connection, he asks them both to be his girlfriend. Of course, this is after one of the girls got his name tattooed on the back of her neck - and he doesn't even pick her! This show gets the J.D. Christmas Award for Wonderful Christmases.
My thoughts were on the music industry anyway, as I've been contemplating my next step creatively and geographically. I chatted with my mom and dad about where I might wind up and it made me feel better about coming to a decision. I still have a lot of thinking to do, as where I'd move depends on what style of music I want to write and play. I enjoy writing and performing pop songs, but it lacks the release of a rock or hardcore project. In a sense, with pop stuff, I feel more comfortable but less confident that I'm getting my fucking point across. Look at Bret. He rocked out and slugged beers but their biggest hit was a chick magnet ballad.
I've got plenty to think about before my lease is up in July, including the area of carpet behind the entertainment center that I just learned the cat destroyed. However, one of my new year's resolutions is to be more conscious of over-thinking decisions. I've already come to a place of acceptance when it comes to thoughts; they are seeds of action and must not be wasted.
I unexpectedly found myself in an emotional conversation with an old friend while in Green Bay. The topic was the past, and what it has to say about our present and future. I'm still on the fence. I know that those who do not understand the past are condemned to repeat it. I also know that the past can never be "understood", only interpreted through the present. Finally, I know that while the past made me who I am today, there is no obstacle outside of myself to stop me from being different tomorrow.
This year was less a chapter in my life as it was a series of epilogues and introductions. Too often I forgot that I was as "in control" of my life as anyone else was. In other words, I should have spent more time on my self and less time on other people's conceptions of me - something I have limited control over. This concept in general, that no matter how hard I try I cannot "make" someone see me how I see myself, may go down as the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn. I'm in agreement with Sartre that modern day intimate relationships are continuing efforts to win the people we love over to our own self conceptions, and therefore people will love us as much as we love ourselves. His take seems fairly close to one of my favorite oxymorons - unassailable logic.
I've had more than one person tell me that conceptualizing personal relationships for the sake of existentialism is cheapening. I agree. My only defense is that I always try to think in abstract, but even that is abstractly my own. I don't approach relationships as experiments and I treat everyone as the unique individual that they are. All the other bullshit goes out the window the minute I'm face to face with someone, being afforded the opportunity to listen and praying for the chance to be heard.
Which reminds me, can everyone do me a personal fucking favor and make not interrupting people a new year's resolution? It really isn't that hard. Here's a step-by-step (ooh, baby) guide.
1. Listen to the people you are talking to.
2. Don't talk while they are talking. (It makes it harder to hear both people.)
3. When you inevitably forget 1 and 2, simply catch yourself and tell the original speaker to "Go ahead."
I was all over the map on this one, but I'm sure everyone understands. This whole "holiday season" thing is incredibly distracting. My thoughts have been stratified into brittle sheets and I'm well tucked in. I hope everyone had a great holiday; I'd love to hear from you.
Truthfully,
J.D.G.
My parents have some sort of uber cable and I watched six hours of Bret Michaels Rock of Love. Women compete for a chance to "rock" his "world", but as Bret himself points out, "No one really knows who did what with who." My sister and her boyfriend kept shouting at the girl who eventually won, "You're too good for him!" Then, just as you think Bret is going to pick his true love connection, he asks them both to be his girlfriend. Of course, this is after one of the girls got his name tattooed on the back of her neck - and he doesn't even pick her! This show gets the J.D. Christmas Award for Wonderful Christmases.
My thoughts were on the music industry anyway, as I've been contemplating my next step creatively and geographically. I chatted with my mom and dad about where I might wind up and it made me feel better about coming to a decision. I still have a lot of thinking to do, as where I'd move depends on what style of music I want to write and play. I enjoy writing and performing pop songs, but it lacks the release of a rock or hardcore project. In a sense, with pop stuff, I feel more comfortable but less confident that I'm getting my fucking point across. Look at Bret. He rocked out and slugged beers but their biggest hit was a chick magnet ballad.
I've got plenty to think about before my lease is up in July, including the area of carpet behind the entertainment center that I just learned the cat destroyed. However, one of my new year's resolutions is to be more conscious of over-thinking decisions. I've already come to a place of acceptance when it comes to thoughts; they are seeds of action and must not be wasted.
I unexpectedly found myself in an emotional conversation with an old friend while in Green Bay. The topic was the past, and what it has to say about our present and future. I'm still on the fence. I know that those who do not understand the past are condemned to repeat it. I also know that the past can never be "understood", only interpreted through the present. Finally, I know that while the past made me who I am today, there is no obstacle outside of myself to stop me from being different tomorrow.
This year was less a chapter in my life as it was a series of epilogues and introductions. Too often I forgot that I was as "in control" of my life as anyone else was. In other words, I should have spent more time on my self and less time on other people's conceptions of me - something I have limited control over. This concept in general, that no matter how hard I try I cannot "make" someone see me how I see myself, may go down as the hardest lesson I've ever had to learn. I'm in agreement with Sartre that modern day intimate relationships are continuing efforts to win the people we love over to our own self conceptions, and therefore people will love us as much as we love ourselves. His take seems fairly close to one of my favorite oxymorons - unassailable logic.
I've had more than one person tell me that conceptualizing personal relationships for the sake of existentialism is cheapening. I agree. My only defense is that I always try to think in abstract, but even that is abstractly my own. I don't approach relationships as experiments and I treat everyone as the unique individual that they are. All the other bullshit goes out the window the minute I'm face to face with someone, being afforded the opportunity to listen and praying for the chance to be heard.
Which reminds me, can everyone do me a personal fucking favor and make not interrupting people a new year's resolution? It really isn't that hard. Here's a step-by-step (ooh, baby) guide.
1. Listen to the people you are talking to.
2. Don't talk while they are talking. (It makes it harder to hear both people.)
3. When you inevitably forget 1 and 2, simply catch yourself and tell the original speaker to "Go ahead."
I was all over the map on this one, but I'm sure everyone understands. This whole "holiday season" thing is incredibly distracting. My thoughts have been stratified into brittle sheets and I'm well tucked in. I hope everyone had a great holiday; I'd love to hear from you.
Truthfully,
J.D.G.