A Slighty Baby Teeth Thanksgiving
I was going to let it slide, but I like having entries on holidays. They are signposts I will appreciate in a few years when I can't remember a damn thing.
I'm currently reading Tolle's A New Earth. It is a sort of "now what?" response to the self-acceptance of the Power of Now. I fought off boredom confused as loneliness by polishing off a good portion of the book today. One of the few deeply affecting passages dealt with dehumanization through conceptualization. The example was of tribal warfare, in which a mass of individuals is conceptualized as a single entity worthy of destruction. Individuality is a lost concept when group thinking takes over; what we lose in ourselves we will fail to find in others.
Dehumanization through conceptualization. What immediately came to mind were gender roles. One thing Tolle and I are in 100% agreement upon is that their assignation and enforcement from an early age is damaging to individuality and self-acceptance, sometimes permanently. A previous entry on sexual objectification didn't draw a single comment, but the topic has stayed on my mind as I've examined my own gender prejudices and preferences. I think of all the genuinely cool girls I grew up with who drifted out of my life because, for whatever reason, simply being friends no longer seemed worthwhile.
Obviously I've had my mind on my personal relationships. I feel like I've come to a great place when it comes to self-acceptance, so I've been dedicating more mental mileage to how I can be a positive force in the lives of others. To quote Homer Simpson, "I'm not running for Jesus," but I make the best of the opportunities I'm given. I stay loose and positive at work. I take myself much less seriously when I'm with people I love. Most importantly, for me, is fighting the urge to label a moment or activity as not enough. While this labeling actually occurs when I'm alone with my thoughts, it has an undeniable effect on how I perceive my relationships with others.
Simply put, when I'm unhappy alone I begin seeing other people as an escape from that unhappiness. The error is not in seeking cheering up and mutual diversion with the people I love - that is valid and beautiful. The error is in not recognizing that, no matter how intimate the relationship, there will inevitably be a return to the self. It may only be a few hours a day if the relationship is time consuming and engrossing for the mind. In the case of a break up, the return to self could last for the rest of your life. This concept of the return to self is one that I will claim as my own until I read about it or hear about it somewhere else. Everyone has experienced it countless times. Your mind slows down and finally stops on a single thought, "I am alone." No one to look at and judge. No one to listen to my thoughts, no one to tell me their own.
Recent experience has yet again confirmed that mental practice does indeed bring perfection, in my case total acceptance of the inevitability of the return to self. I don't always accept that spending the night alone helps me, but I always accept that it does not harm me. I still fight an intense sadness when, for example, I leave the presence of someone I love and find myself alone. What helps is the acceptance that you cannot obtain another person, only share a time and place. At my best, I'm able to replace thoughts of loneliness and possessiveness with thoughts of gratitude for what is. This is self-acceptance, an acceptance that one only possesses oneself, and if other people did not wholly possess themselves we could not be so incredibly desirous of sharing a time and place with them. At my best, I fight tears of joy when I let the beauty of the people I love warm me like sunshine.
I'm thankful for the incredible people that have come into my life and changed how I see myself. I'm thankful that people can still prove me wrong. I'm thankful that I found the strength to be honest about how important other people are to me. I'm thankful that I found the strength to disconnect my self-worth from the judgments of others, most importantly how important they treat me. I'm thankful for my best and I'm thankful I've got plenty of time (and room) for improvement.
With love,
J.D.G.
I'm currently reading Tolle's A New Earth. It is a sort of "now what?" response to the self-acceptance of the Power of Now. I fought off boredom confused as loneliness by polishing off a good portion of the book today. One of the few deeply affecting passages dealt with dehumanization through conceptualization. The example was of tribal warfare, in which a mass of individuals is conceptualized as a single entity worthy of destruction. Individuality is a lost concept when group thinking takes over; what we lose in ourselves we will fail to find in others.
Dehumanization through conceptualization. What immediately came to mind were gender roles. One thing Tolle and I are in 100% agreement upon is that their assignation and enforcement from an early age is damaging to individuality and self-acceptance, sometimes permanently. A previous entry on sexual objectification didn't draw a single comment, but the topic has stayed on my mind as I've examined my own gender prejudices and preferences. I think of all the genuinely cool girls I grew up with who drifted out of my life because, for whatever reason, simply being friends no longer seemed worthwhile.
Obviously I've had my mind on my personal relationships. I feel like I've come to a great place when it comes to self-acceptance, so I've been dedicating more mental mileage to how I can be a positive force in the lives of others. To quote Homer Simpson, "I'm not running for Jesus," but I make the best of the opportunities I'm given. I stay loose and positive at work. I take myself much less seriously when I'm with people I love. Most importantly, for me, is fighting the urge to label a moment or activity as not enough. While this labeling actually occurs when I'm alone with my thoughts, it has an undeniable effect on how I perceive my relationships with others.
Simply put, when I'm unhappy alone I begin seeing other people as an escape from that unhappiness. The error is not in seeking cheering up and mutual diversion with the people I love - that is valid and beautiful. The error is in not recognizing that, no matter how intimate the relationship, there will inevitably be a return to the self. It may only be a few hours a day if the relationship is time consuming and engrossing for the mind. In the case of a break up, the return to self could last for the rest of your life. This concept of the return to self is one that I will claim as my own until I read about it or hear about it somewhere else. Everyone has experienced it countless times. Your mind slows down and finally stops on a single thought, "I am alone." No one to look at and judge. No one to listen to my thoughts, no one to tell me their own.
Recent experience has yet again confirmed that mental practice does indeed bring perfection, in my case total acceptance of the inevitability of the return to self. I don't always accept that spending the night alone helps me, but I always accept that it does not harm me. I still fight an intense sadness when, for example, I leave the presence of someone I love and find myself alone. What helps is the acceptance that you cannot obtain another person, only share a time and place. At my best, I'm able to replace thoughts of loneliness and possessiveness with thoughts of gratitude for what is. This is self-acceptance, an acceptance that one only possesses oneself, and if other people did not wholly possess themselves we could not be so incredibly desirous of sharing a time and place with them. At my best, I fight tears of joy when I let the beauty of the people I love warm me like sunshine.
I'm thankful for the incredible people that have come into my life and changed how I see myself. I'm thankful that people can still prove me wrong. I'm thankful that I found the strength to be honest about how important other people are to me. I'm thankful that I found the strength to disconnect my self-worth from the judgments of others, most importantly how important they treat me. I'm thankful for my best and I'm thankful I've got plenty of time (and room) for improvement.
With love,
J.D.G.