Why Can't I Stay?
When I was younger, I always thought death was final. That death would be the end of everything, that it was the equation that would never have a solution. Then I got lost for five years, and every now and then I thought that maybe I had died and gone to hell. But it wasn't true. The real hell wasn't that picturesque. I had simply gotten lost. I had been this close to dying more than once in Pylea... almost... but not quite.
My real death came rather abruptly. I didn't think my life would end that way either. Not in a million years. Who knew that the fable was true, I guess curiosity did kill the cat. And in this case Fred. Was it painful? You bet it was. Just think of how it feels to have your organs liquefy inside of you in a day’s time. Yep. Not really a picnic or a walk in a park. But what hurt the most was seeing him suffer with me-- because of me. Seeing his grief stricken face... thinking of what could have been or what we could of had. Realizing that you found the one person that compliments you in everyway, the one person that truly makes you happy, and truly understands you. And then, watching them die with you. Not literally dying with you, of course, but you know, deep down inside a part of them dies, as you die. I tried to be strong for him, I really did. But it the end, death was stronger than the both of us.
But I was one of the lucky few. He was there with me, through everything. He held my hands, he made me feel safe, and for brief moment I felt peace. The kind of peace that falls before the tempest. It's true what they say, your whole life does flash before your eyes, and even more so. You think about what could have been, and all the things you never got to do. What my life would have been with him. Him, the book man, me the science nerd that I always was. Love, life, kids, growing old together.
Did I deserve to die? No. I did not. Was it unfair? Yeah, it kinda was. No, wait... actually it REALLY was. And just when I was starting to live my life too. Just when I had found something that truly mattered in the world. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But since when was life fair? Things... life is never fair. Was I bitter? Yeah, you could say that I was... but I got over that. It's not easy dying, not like that anyway.
I guess it was just simply the way things worked out. I had come to accept that now. I had to. I couldn't move on if I didn't. Move on to where or what? I didn't know. It had taken quite a long time for me to come to terms with the circumstances of my own death. But what else was I gonna do? I was dead, and nothing could change that. Nothing.
Now, here I was, somewhere in the afterlife. Didn't feel like heaven. Would be so lucky if it were. But I could tell that it wasn't. And if it was, than my dreams had been so very wrong.
My real death came rather abruptly. I didn't think my life would end that way either. Not in a million years. Who knew that the fable was true, I guess curiosity did kill the cat. And in this case Fred. Was it painful? You bet it was. Just think of how it feels to have your organs liquefy inside of you in a day’s time. Yep. Not really a picnic or a walk in a park. But what hurt the most was seeing him suffer with me-- because of me. Seeing his grief stricken face... thinking of what could have been or what we could of had. Realizing that you found the one person that compliments you in everyway, the one person that truly makes you happy, and truly understands you. And then, watching them die with you. Not literally dying with you, of course, but you know, deep down inside a part of them dies, as you die. I tried to be strong for him, I really did. But it the end, death was stronger than the both of us.
But I was one of the lucky few. He was there with me, through everything. He held my hands, he made me feel safe, and for brief moment I felt peace. The kind of peace that falls before the tempest. It's true what they say, your whole life does flash before your eyes, and even more so. You think about what could have been, and all the things you never got to do. What my life would have been with him. Him, the book man, me the science nerd that I always was. Love, life, kids, growing old together.
Did I deserve to die? No. I did not. Was it unfair? Yeah, it kinda was. No, wait... actually it REALLY was. And just when I was starting to live my life too. Just when I had found something that truly mattered in the world. Doesn't sound fair, does it? But since when was life fair? Things... life is never fair. Was I bitter? Yeah, you could say that I was... but I got over that. It's not easy dying, not like that anyway.
I guess it was just simply the way things worked out. I had come to accept that now. I had to. I couldn't move on if I didn't. Move on to where or what? I didn't know. It had taken quite a long time for me to come to terms with the circumstances of my own death. But what else was I gonna do? I was dead, and nothing could change that. Nothing.
Now, here I was, somewhere in the afterlife. Didn't feel like heaven. Would be so lucky if it were. But I could tell that it wasn't. And if it was, than my dreams had been so very wrong.