You don't wanna go there, kid

[dodgyallround]

Midgar was due for completion in little over a week, or thereabouts. Zexion had got in touch with Lexaeus, which Xigbar had expected, and Lexaeus had passed on the message, which Xigbar had not expected. The gist of it was simple enough; stay away from Midgar. The place was about to get very briefly lethal, and from the sound of it, very brief in

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[innatelunacy]

Saix was familiar with this treatment from Vexen. He got it when he'd bought the wrong teabags (it had been news to him that there was such a thing as the wrong teabags since they all contained tea, but apparently tea was more complex than that, and it was after saying as much that he'd been ignored in favour of a book for the rest of the day), or put a book away that Vexen had been using, (really, no, really, yes, despite the fact that it had been sat open on the same page for three days on the bedside cabinet, it had been left there for a reason and not forgotten about, and Vexen did not appreciate the insinuation or that Saix had lost his page), or tried to distract Vexen from a book, especially around the full moon (and that went double if it was in the aftermath of a row about one of the other reasons for him getting the treatment). It meant that Saix had done wrong, and had ground to make up to get back into Vexen's favour, unless he really liked the couch.

Unfortunately, Saix didn't have time to work his way back into Vexen's favour by the long route.

"Someone is planning to blow up Midgar," he said, his voice low and quiet, but unmistakeable as he settled next to Vexen. Since he didn't have time to soothe Vexen's ego and reassure him of his affection, Saix instead chose to take the blunt and direct route.

[empiricism]

Vexen looked up from his book after marking his page with his finger. Despite the dire message, he took his time getting to the end of a paragraph and made no effort to hurry himself. When he did, he stared at Saix with a surprising amount of venom in his green eyes.

"And?" He spat some with the word to go with it.

[innatelunacy]

There was no concern in Vexen's tone. Saix hadn't expected any; he thought Axel's venture was foolhardy at best, needlessly self sacrificing at worst. If Vexen had been openly concerned for Midgar's welfare, Saix would have had to be concerned that there was something wrong with his own reactions.

"Axel intends on travelling there to rescue someone," he said. Vexen was making his annoyance very plain, so Saix was prepared for a bad reaction to the next bit he'd have to say, and wanted to delay it a little.

He was under no illusions that Vexen would object to Axel travelling to a location that was about to be destroyed.

[empiricism]

Vexen kept his gaze level. The look on his face didn't change and, after a moment of silence following Saix's words, he spoke.

"Refrain from making me repeat myself every time you pause significantly, Saix."

[innatelunacy]

The corner of Saix's mouth twitched as he successfully restrained a smirk and replied, "I wanted to give you chance to come out with a scathing remark and thinly veiled deathwish against him." He paused before he continued, more seriously, "Before I inform you that I'm going with him."

[empiricism]

Vexen kept his silence for an uncomfortably long moment. His mind whirled with a combination of the kind of scathing insults that Saix had just mentioned and concern for Saix's safety. In the end, he gave himself over to anger rather than worry.

"Oh no you're not!" He snapped, incensed at Saix's apparent lack of disregard for his own safety. "I knew you were an idiot, but this is rather more proof of that fact that I ever needed to hear!"

[innatelunacy]

The reaction was roughly as bad as Saix had expected, and yet, somehow, that didn't make it easier to deal with.

"Vexen," he said, calmly, his mind racing to wrap words around the notion he needed to express, and to wrap it in the right words that Vexen would accept it, "I'm aware of the difficulties, and how unwise a course this is." He also knew that didn't make it any better. "Still, I intend to go. Partly because it is Axel in need of my help," he admitted that, before it came up negatively, which it would if he didn't head it off quickly, "and partly because I have a lot of ground to make up." He tried to meet Vexen's eyes, and hold his gaze. "It is not the smart thing, but I expect it is the right thing."

[empiricism]

"'Ground to make up'?" He spat, looking just as annoyed as he did before Saix made an attempt to try and placate him with the reasons. "You are correct -- it is absolutely not the smart thing, and not least because you may die in the attempt."

Did he really think that sugar-coating an idiotic decision with the notion that he was doing to to get back onto Axel's good side was going to gain him any favour? There was an unspoken threat in both Vexen's eyes and in the way that he kept his mouth pressed into a thin line. He was not happy with the idea that his husband, insufferable though he often was, was heading off to a doomed and dangerous city that meant nothing to him for the benefit of a man he couldn't stand and hated him associating with.

[innatelunacy]

"He's not the only one with whom I have to make amends," Saix answered, quietly, turning his gaze away from Vexen. "I have done unforgivable things to people I now care about, because at the time, it best suited me to do them." He frowned deeper than usual. "This is stupid, risky, and serves me no likely benefit. I have to begin somewhere."

He looked back at Vexen, out of the corner of his eye, and added, "I have no intention of getting hurt. We have over a week before it happens. We should be able to get out in plenty of time. If it looks as though it will take longer, I will leave them behind, if I must." Although he didn't like the idea, he still had a strong sense of self preservation. "I won't be taking unnecessary risks. Dying on you would be the last unforgivable crime I could commit; I won't do it easily. Can you trust me that far?"

[empiricism]

Vexen listened, his expression not changing. He was right -- he had done unforgivable things to people he now cares about and, as far as Vexen was concerned, leaving his husband to go on a dangerous mission with his husbands bitterest enemy was going to add to his list.

Could he trust him? He had lied before. Vexen had no doubt he would do it again. He should have seen this coming. He was going against his wishes for Axel's benefit. He shook his head.

"No," he said, very flatly and with his eyes narrowed to slits. "If you go, whatever comes of your pathetic attempt at heroics to please him is on your head. I have no intention of stopping you, but I don't trust you."

It has been a long time since Vexen has trusted him, and he isn't about to start now.

[innatelunacy]

Odd how a statement like that could sting. Saix remembered a time when it didn't all too well. Now, it just left his chest feeling uncomfortably empty and cold.

"Very well," Saix said, knowing he deserved it, and refraining from showing any frustration at the fact that something like this was supposed to help build trust, not make things worse. "But I don't want you to think this is to please him. Nor to think that I wouldn't go much further than this for you."

There were other things he wanted to say, but he refrained because he wasn't in the mood for a public row, which was an inevitability if Saix said what else was on his mind.

Things like pointing out that Vexen was employing an emotionally based double standard for him and Axel, and that Saix was growing weary of being the buffer between the two.

They didn't have to get along, but the cessation of open hostility at the mention of the other's name would be appreciated.

[empiricism]

"Ah, of course," he said, sarcasm sharpening his words. "Because selflessly running off to save the denizens of doomed cities is such a clear and often-seen aspect of your personality."

He gave him a withering look. If Saix honestly expected him to believe that he was doing something so against the grain and contrary to every single thing he'd ever seen from him for reasons other than 'I want to go with Axel', he had another think coming. He certainly wasn't doing it for his benefit, regardless of whatever he was blathering about regarding 'making up lost ground'. Vexen really could not care less about what happened to those in Midgar, so Saix gallivanting off to save people had no impact on him whatsoever.

"Run along," he snapped, opening the book that he had closed around his fingers. He fixed his eyes on its pages with a certain amount of determination not to look up clear on his face.

[innatelunacy]

Saix suppressed a sigh. Vexen was being deliberately difficult, and his careless dismissal made it hard for Saix to simply stand up and walk away.

He put his hand over Vexen's page, anticipating severely frostbitten fingers at best for the action. "I love you. I may not make that easy to believe, and I may not always show it in the best ways, but I do. No matter what fool things I may take off to do, I love you, and only ever you. This once, I want to try and do something good, because I do not always wish to be the heartless person who manipulated my best friend into murdering the man I would grow to love. If that is all I will ever be capable of, then I do not deserve these second chances. I cannot force you to understand that point of view, and I know you cannot trust me because of the kind of person I am. I regret that you can't, and that all I can do is remind you that I love you, and promise to return in one piece."

He frowned, and finished, "You can tear me limb from limb when I return, if you wish."

Then he calmly removed his hand from Vexen's page.

[empiricism]

The chill that crept through in the air when Saix covered his page was tangible. It spread out from the hand that held his book like a field of cold fury and, before Saix had finished speaking, it was possible to see the breath of those in close proximity to the two in the air.

"I assure you, Saix, that I will want little to do with you if you return from this fool's errand." His words were every bit as icy as his element.

[innatelunacy]

Saix frowned deeper, but he nodded in acknowledgement. The chill in the air was pricking his skin with goosebumps, and it was always a clear sign of just how angry Vexen was with him.

"I'll see you when I return," he said, quietly. There wasn't much else he could say in response to Vexen's statement. That he deserved it, and that he was going anyway, wouldn't make it any better. It was more likely to make it worse.

He stood up to leave, feeling his chest pang uncomfortably, and resolutely ignoring it.