JE - The List (Or, My Best Friend’s Ideal Girlfriend) - Pin
Title: The List (Or, My Best Friend’s Ideal Girlfriend)
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/ Yamashita Tomohisa
Rating: R/NC-17
Author Notes: Ummm, I don't even know? I was looking at the NEWS g/f checklists with darkeyedwolf, and somehow the idea of one of the JE boys acting out one of the lists came up. AND WHO COULD BETTER DO THAT THAN JIN, I ASK YOU? Anyway. So he did. Mistakes/errors/whatever is for yours to keep. Will edit if I find any. This is dedicated to all my beloved Pin darlings ♥ ♥ ♥
It had taken Jin quite a while to figure out why his stomach did weird back flips whenever he talked to YamaPi. It had confused him greatly in the beginning - his stomach hadn’t done that before he went away to study, but now that he was back and him and Pi were going to be together in their new unit, for some reason it was different.
First Jin had thought he just had eaten something that his stomach found hard to handle. He had dismissed the theory soon, though, because what problem would his stomach have with six cheeseburgers, fries and a huge portion of ice cream? That had been normal for him for over a year (and God, he missed In ‘N’ Out Burgers a lot).
Then he had considered the high amount of physical training in the form of choreography lessons as the cause of his unnatural feelings. With the new single coming out soon and him being completely out of shape (“I’d call it fat,” Ryo had said), he’d been ordered to start working out twice as much as all his colleagues, effective immediately, and maybe his body was just telling him to go easy?
This particular theory was unlikely as well, though, because his stomach didn’t flip during work-out, but when YamaPi talked to him, or hugged him, or hit his shoulder playfully and said, “Come on, Jin, let’s do the secret hand shake!”
What made him figure out the real reason for his stomach’s odd behavior was when YamaPi showed up to karaoke with some girl, her eyes big, her hair long and shiny, and she was annoyingly clinging to YamaPi’s arm. Jin wanted to scratch her eyes out.
He found out, much later, that it hadn’t worked out between her and Pi. Still, that didn’t make it any easier for Jin.
*
“You just figured that out now?” Ryo asked, “Sadly, I am not surprised.”
“What should I do?” Jin whined and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, “I want him for myself.”
Ryo, instead of answering, pulled out a tattered magazine, opened it at a marked page and put it on the table in front of Jin.
NewS girlfriend checklist, Jin read.
*
“Hey Pi,” Jin said and flopped down on the couch next to YamaPi, “Do you think friends are important? Because I do! I really think so!”
“What?” YamaPi gave him a confused look, “Of course they are, but why are you bringing that up now?”
Jin ignored him. “And you know what? Now that I think of it, I really do get along well with your friends. U-Kun is friends with both of us and I often hang out with Ryo and - ”
He paused and frowned. Damnit, he'd have to work on Toma.
“Ryo only likes making fun of you,” YamaPi said dryly, clearly at a loss at Jin’s train of thought.
Jin gave an outraged cry and tackled Pi to the ground.
*
“Where are we going?” YamaPi asked. He sounded annoyed, possibly because of the lack of information he was getting.
Jin had woken him up and dragged him to the car without any explanation. After all it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore if he explained his plans beforehand. And it was so much better as a surprise! Jin was fairly sure that YamaPi would be absolutely thrilled once he found out how perfectly Jin fit with The List.
“On a drive,” Jin said, “I am going on a drive with you.”
“I can see that!” YamaPi exclaimed in an exasperated voice, “But where are we going? It’s the middle of the night, Jin!”
“Ah yes,” Jin replied happily, “We’re going to a 7-11 store!”
“What? What?” YamaPi sounded as if he was close to attacking Jin, but Jin reasoned with himself that it was probably because he was so perfect and YamaPi just wanted to jump him and make out with him. It was quite understandable too, after all Jin was very attractive. Even Ryo had said so, that one time when they had gotten so drunk they couldn’t even stand anymore (Jin remembered vividly what they had been able to do, but they had both agreed they wouldn’t mention that to anyone, unless it was for blackmailing purposes).
“We’re going on a drive to a convenience store? At 3 am?” YamaPi asked in disbelief.
“Exactly!” Jin nodded enthusiastically. Finally YamaPi was getting it! “I am going to the convenience store with you in the middle of the night!”
“You should really go easy on the drugs,” YamaPi said and fell back into his seat, defeated.
*
“LkI’mbrshngmateesh!” Jin mumbled, his mouth full of toothpaste foam.
He had come over at YamaPi’s place to play video games (he’d lost most of the time, but that was okay, because winning made YamaPi smile and Jin liked seeing that smile as often as possible), and he had not-so-accidentally missed the last bus, so he could work on The List. Today’s item to check off was the teeth brushing thing.
“Eh?” YamaPi asked, confused.
“I said, look, I’m brushing my teeth before bed,” Jin repeated slowly, after spitting out the toothpaste foam into the sink. He flashed YamaPi a cheerful smile. “I also brushed them this morning, just for your information.”
“…ok.” YamaPi said.
*
Jin had been to NewS concerts before, but this time he was nervous. After all, he was on a mission. He had brought as much money as he could spare and ended up buying 25 of YamaPi’s uchiwas. In a fit of creativity, he decorated several of them with ‘I LOVE YOU YAMAPI’ and ‘YAMAPI IS THE BEST’ and ‘I LIKE THE WAY YOUR HAIR FALLS IN YOUR EYES’, but he half-heartedly scratched out the last one (it was a bit too obvious), so in the end only ‘I LIKE HAIR EYES’ was readable. And on one (the one with the picture of Pi winking) he wrote ‘I CAME TO YOUR CONCERT AND BOUGHT YOUR UCHIWA.’ After all, YamaPi could be awfully dense sometimes and Jin wanted to make sure he actually understood the lengths Jin was going to fulfill YamaPi’s girlfriend requirements.
“Very subtle,” Ryo commented, and patted Jin’s shoulder in a ‘I think you are the dumbest person on earth’ kind of way. Jin was about to say something completely immature, when the object of his affection entered the room.
“Oh my God!” YamaPi shrieked when he saw Jin’s little collection and pulled his friend out into the hallway, “What are you doing?”
YamaPi was looking red-faced and embarrassed, probably because some of the Juniors had pointed at him excitedly and Shige had said, “I think you’ve got a not-so-secret admirer!” But Jin couldn’t quite understand the embarrassment, because wasn’t it great to be noticed by your kouhais and to be admired by someone, secret or not?
“What do you think you’re doing, Jin?” YamaPi asked again.
Jin held up the winking uchiwas in reply.
*
It took Jin three weeks and four and a half days to finally invite Pi, his parents and his cousin who had 3-year-old twins to his apartment. When YamaPi arrived, he gasped in surprise at all the other guests. Jin had told him they were going to play video games, after all. But YamaPi was not one to turn down free food (Jin had counted on that) and so he sat down with Jin’s extended family and had dinner.
Jin made a point to pet his dogs constantly and coo at the children in a high-pitched voice and he made sure his parents always had enough to eat and to drink and were feeling comfortable. The good thing was that YamaPi seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, playing with the children and the pets and talking with Jin’s parents. The bad thing was that Pi didn’t seem to notice Jin’s efforts. No, he rather appeared to be ignoring Jin completely.
After 67 minutes Jin had enough. He pulled YamaPi to his feet by his arm, mumbled something about needing help and dragged him into the kitchen.
“Don’t ignore me!” he complained, “I am trying so hard!”
“Try harder!” YamaPi retorted, “It’s rude to leave your guests like that!”
Jin thought that any girlfriend of Pi’s was living a sad, sad life.
*
“It’s a date!” Jin decided.
“It’s what?” YamaPi shook his head irritably. It was obvious that he didn’t understand Jin lately, but Jin thought that was hardly his fault. After all it was Pi who was so dense he didn’t even see what was right before he is eyes. Namely his best friend working his ass off to be the perfect girlfriend.
“A date!” Jin repeated impatiently and pulled YamaPi into the pretty park that he had chosen as the location for their date. It would be perfect, the sun would shine down on them, they would stroll through the park slowly, have deep conversations about food and video games and --
It started to rain.
“It is not supposed to be like that!” Jin said in a whiny voice, to no one in particular. “It was supposed to be a sunny day!”
YamaPi gave him another look then opened his umbrella (Why had YamaPi brought an umbrella? The weather report had predicted sunshine!) and held it over them.
“Let’s go back, ok?”
“No!” Jin protested, “I want to go for a walk! I like going for walks!”
“It is raining! It’s pouring down!” YamaPi said in an exasperated voice and grabbed Jin’s arm to pull him along, “Let’s go!”
“No!” Jin repeated, “I won’t go yet! I want to - ”
Unfortunately his resistance made him trip over his own feet and lose balance. He shrieked, flailed and miraculously managed not to fall on his ass, but his right foot landed in a weird angle, making him yelp in pain.
“I think you might have sprained it,” YamaPi assessed when he kneeled down and examined Jin’s ankle, “Let’s go and put ice on it ok? I don’t know why you keep insisting on staying here!”
Jin wanted to cry and it wasn’t because of the pain in his ankle.
*
“Jin, I don’t even need new clothes!” YamaPi protested, as Jin pulled him through the streets of Shibuya, “Seriously, I just went shopping last week!”
“One always needs clothes!” Jin insisted, “I will help you pick them out!”
Jin was getting annoyed at YamaPi for being so difficult with everything. Why did he put all that crap on The List if he ended up being bothered by someone (namely Jin) trying to make all of it happen? Why wasn’t he the least bit happy?
But YamaPi didn’t look happy. He made that face, with his mouth curling downwards just a little bit and his forehead in wrinkles and his eyes slightly narrowed. The same face he made when magazines asked him about Valentine’s, or when someone offered him cake with whipped cream, or when he lost a game. Jin usually giggled when he made that face, but Pi usually never made that face at him. It was all so very frustrating.
YamaPi took forever to find something he wanted. But finally, in a hip second hand store, he pulled out two shirts and a jacket with a satisfied smiled.
Jin, however, had other plans. It was time to show just how perfect he was.
“I think one shirt should be enough, YamaPi,” he said in a condescending voice, “And you have enough jackets already.”
“I. What?” YamaPi asked, completely baffled, “Are you trying to keep me from buying these? After we have been shopping for four hours?”
“You need to shop within your budget!” Jin declared, “That’s what I always do!”
YamaPi just shook his head in pure and utter confusion and paid for everything.
*
“Where are we?” YamaPi asked and looked around curiously.
“We’re at the summer festival!” Jin said proudly and spread his arms as if to indicate the vast number of attractions waiting for them. Only there wasn’t anything there.
“It’s winter!” Pi said with a snort, “And there is no festival here, Jin!”
Jin sighed. YamaPi was just too clever for his own good sometimes, and unfortunately he was right in this particular situation. It was winter and because of that there wasn’t any summer festival to attend! But YamaPi wanted his ideal girlfriend to “like summer” and “festivals” and Jin couldn’t wait several months! He was on a schedule!
“Well, just pretend there is one, ok? Otherwise it won’t work!”
“What won’t work?” YamaPi asked, and his forehead was all wrinkly again, and Jin hated that look an Pi’s face, because it meant YamaPi was annoyed or unhappy with the current situation.
“Sharing food at the festival!” Jin elaborated, “Oh look isn’t that girl over there cute? And I really like what they did with the lights this time, don’t you think? I think it’s very pretty.”
YamaPi looked at him blankly, because there was neither a girl, nor any pretty lights and so Jin rummaged through his bag, and pulled out a banana. He peeled it off and bit off the top, then held it out to YamaPi.
“Here,” he said, “Have some.”
“A banana?” YamaPi asked, a helpless expression on his face.
Jin couldn’t understand why Pi didn’t seem to like it. He’d thought the sexual subtext of sharing a banana was particularly brilliant.
*
“Jin,” Pi said slowly and eyed the various books scattered across the floor, “What are you doing?”
”Shut up, I’m trying to study,” Jin said, determination evident in his voice.
It bothered Jin that he had to study yet again (after having pretended to do so for over a year), but there was no way around it - he had to practice his kanji. At first he thought that particular requirement was easy - he was Japanese after all! Sadly, that didn’t seem to be enough.
(“Oh, ’ You can speak Japanese,’ one more to cross off,” Jin had said happily.
“What are you talking about?” Ryo had replied with a mocking tone in his voice, “You can’t even spell you own name correctly.”
“Can too!” Jin had pouted and then proceeded to write his name on Ryo’s arm with a waterproof pen.
“That’s in English,” Ryo observed, “Also, I am going to kill you now.”)
Jin was convinced, for a while, that speaking didn’t necessarily require writing, but he couldn’t be sure, and he really wanted to win over that stupid list. Why did YamaPi require Japanese anyway? Didn’t he know foreign languages were really hot? And you could swear and no one in Japan would understand you, even if you said really juicy stuff. It was awesome.
In the end, Jin bought children’s Kanji books.
(“Hey Ryo,” YamaPi had asked his band mate a day later, “Why is Jin’s name on your arm?”
“One day in the soon future I’m going to strangle both of you,” Ryo had replied with a distant look on his face, “It’ll be a beautiful day.”)
*
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Jin asked his best friend and his lips curled into a soft, serene smile. “The fresh smell of the ocean, the soothing sound of the waves, building castles in the sand, surfing - ”
“And it’s December and I’m freezing! Why the hell are we here?”
Jin realized with a frown that YamaPi still wasn’t getting it at all! It was frustrating, really! He had practiced his speech about the beauty of the ocean for days (and words like ‘soothing’ weren’t in his everyday vocabulary, so that had been really hard) and now YamaPi had just interrupted him and he was looking pissed and unhappy, even though he was supposed to be happy, because Jin was doing this for him.
“We are here to enjoy the beauty of the ocean,” Jin said, then took off his jacket and held it out to YamaPi, because he had said he was freezing and Jin didn’t want to be responsible for Pi catching a cold or becoming an icicle. That would be kind of hard to explain to Johnny-san.
YamaPi shook his head irritably (Jin thought his expression clearly said ‘I AM NOT A GIRL,’ but Jin also thought one couldn’t be too sure with Pi’s current hair style) and pushed Jin’s hand back. Jin rolled his eyes and held out his jacket to YamaPi again. He noticed (now that he was only wearing his sweater) that it was really fucking cold and why the hell couldn’t it be summer? YamaPi proudly pushed his hand away again, and this went on for a while until Jin got annoyed and started to tickle Pi and Pi tickled him back and suddenly they both lost balance and fell into the cold sand.
“Pfdskjgl,” Jin said and spit out a mouthful of sand.
“Aklhdshl,” YamaPi replied and coughed violently, “Bakanishi! We’re leaving.”
“But!” Jin whined, “I wanted to watch the fireworks with you!”
“What fireworks?” YamaPi asked and stopped pulling Jin, “Where? I don’t see any!”
Jin looked at Pi with big, sad eyes.
“I forget it at home.”
*
”What do you need it for?” the doctor asked him.
“I am not feeling well,” Jin said and it was only a half-lie, since Jin hated going to the hospital and he was feeling kind of squirmy and the x-ray machine had really scared him.
“Yes, but why do you need to take it with you? I can just send it over to other doctors, if you want a second opinion. But it really looks like you’re fine.”
“I am moving abroad soon,” Jin lied again. And this was only a half-lie again, since he’d just come back from being abroad a little earlier, so instead of speaking of the future he was speaking of the past, but the facts were still the same!
The doctor gave in, then, and Jin grinned to himself all the way to YamaPi’s apartment and when he finally got there, he squealed out loud and proudly showed his x-ray to his best friend.
“…ok?” YamaPi said, sounding confused. “Why are you showing me an x-ray picture?”
“I have a beautiful heart!” Jin declared.
*
Jin wasn’t particularly surprised that three requirements on The List were about food. YamaPi liked eating (and he needed it, too, otherwise he would lose his boobs), and Jin liked eating too, the only problem was that Jin couldn’t cook. He had no idea how to cook, in general (except cup ramen and instant yakisoba, maybe), he didn’t know how to make edible rice and he wasn’t any good at grilling squid either.
Why the hell did YamaPi want that, anyway? They had more than enough money to just order food or go out to eat or maybe hire a cook. Why was he making it so hard for Jin?
But he didn’t want to give up, no matter what. So he’d bought some squid to grill, he’d printed out instructions for cooking rice and he was planning to cook some other side dishes too. Pi was coming over to his place, and he was going to impress him tremendously! He had even asked his Mom for recipes, but she had told him to stay away from cooking under any and all circumstances. Jin had decided to ignore her warnings.
At first it seemed to work well. He found two rice cookers in his kitchen (how had they gotten there? He hadn’t even know he had them!) and chose the one that looked prettier. The rice bowls for the cooker were in another drawer (so complicated!), and he chose the pretty one too. Pretty with pretty, perfect! Jin found the ON button on his rice cooker almost instantly, which immediately lightened his mood. Hey, maybe cooking wasn’t that hard, after all!
Jin measured both the rice and the water and added it to the inner bowl, closed the lid and, just like the instructions told him, “activated the cooking cycle”. He stood in front of the rice cooker for a moment, proud at his tremendous accomplishments, when he remembered that rice was not the only dish he wanted to serve.
With a small, self-satisfied cackle, Jin heated the grill, rinsed the squid under cold water and then dried it with paper towels, when suddenly an assortment of vegetables caught his eyes and he realized with a shock that he hadn’t even washed and cut them yet! Jin flailed and threw the paper towels into the air with a shriek, then grabbed the vegetables. He would win this challenge!
Things started to get downhill from there. His pretty, pretty rice cooker was suddenly flowing over and no matter what button Jin pushed it wouldn’t stop and it was playing an annoying melody that filled Jin with complete and utter panic. He kept hitting the rice cooker until suddenly he smelled something funny, and upon turning around he broke into a terrified scream, because, his kitchen was on fire! How had the paper towels landed on the grill, hadn’t he put them in the bowl with the squid? And why was the fire getting bigger, HELP!
Jin could hear the key turning in his front door (Help was coming! Yamapi!) and he shrieked even loader and flailed and pushed over the bowls with the squid and the vegetables, so everything was spread on the floor, and he tried to make the fire stop by waving his hands wildly, but failed miserably, which made him cry out in a terrified voice some more.
“Jin?” YamaPi asked and entered the apartment, “Why are you yelling? What - what is this smell?”
“Fire! Fire!” Jin screamed in horror and ran to hide behind YamaPi.
YamaPi shrieked as well, but proved to be a little less terrified than Jin when he grabbed a cup, filled it with water and poured it over the grill. There was a hissing sound and a lot of smoke and Jin cowered behind the kitchen table in fear.
“Are you crazy?” YamaPi asked, once the smoke had cleared, “Why are you setting your own apartment on fire? Do you want to move? You just should have said something!”
“I can cook! Even though it might not look like it, I really can!” Jin said with a dramatic pout, crossed his arms, and sulked.
YamaPi picked up his phone to order pizza.
*
Desperate times called for desperate measures, Jin thought. He had tried everything and still, still, Pi didn’t seem to get it at all! He had tried to cook! He had practiced his kanji, he had bought twenty-five YamaPi uchiwas which were now hidden under his bed!
This was his last chance, he realized. The last thing on The List, and quite possible the most difficult. But, and Jin grinned widely at that, also the most enjoyable one if he managed to make it work.
Jin had stolen YamaPi’s spare key when YamaPi was busy eating and now he had let himself into his friend’s apartment while said friend was still away doing some interview. He had lit a whole lot of candles (and that had been a lot of work) and put on good music (the KAT-TUN album) and then he had shed his clothes and propped himself up on YamaPi’s couch in a suggestive pose.
Only YamaPi still hadn’t come home yet. And Jin’s leg had fallen asleep and his back hurt like hell and the candles where burning down and it was getting rather cold, especially around that area.
So when Jin finally, finally heard the key turning in the front door, he was unfortunate enough to be in an awkward position, his legs oddly bent (so he could feel them again) and his head in his lap. He was trying to blow warm air onto his most precious body part, so it wouldn’t feel so incredibly cold.
“J-Jin?” YamaPi choked, his eyes wide and his cheeks crimson, “What. I. How - What are you doing?”
Jin was about to whine about how he had waited forever and ever, how it was fucking cold and the candles were almost burned down and where the hell had YamaPi been, but then he realized that YamaPi wasn’t talking to his face, but rather to his dick, and that gave Jin a painful erection almost immediately, and maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to tell YamaPi the whole truth.
“Foreplay,” Jin said, and did his tongue thing.
*
It had taken Jin three tries of smothering looks and a crooked finger to get YamaPi to sit on the couch next to him. Pi had been rooted to the spot for exactly 4 minutes and 28 seconds (Jin had counted), until Jin had thought it the right moment to play his card. He had wrapped his own hand around his cock and looked at YamaPi out of dark, dark eyes and he’d said, “YamaPi,” in a breathless voice.
YamaPi had made a strangled sound, dropped his jacked and keys to the floor and moved to sit next to Jin on the couch. But he still wasn’t doing anything. He was looking at Jin with wide eyes, licking his lips nervously, and Jin smirked a little to himself before finally grabbing YamaPi’s face in his hands and kissing him hard.
Jin buried one hand in YamaPi’s hair (God, it had gotten longer than his own!) and slid his other hand under YamaPi’s shirt, running his fingers down his chest ever so slowly, lower, lower, and YamaPi made a whimpering sound deep in the back of his throat and Jin thought he had never heard anything hotter. In a joint effort they took off YamaPi’s shirt and Jin undid YamaPi’s pants impatiently and suddenly he wasn’t feeling cold anymore, and Pi was still looking a little unsure, but in a determined way and with a gulp he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Jin’s erection.
For a moment Jin lost all coherent thought, threw his head back and moaned shamelessly, because God, that felt good, amazing, better than he could have ever imagined, ever. Nothing could ever prove better, nothing, but then YamaPi started to stroke him, slowly, steadily, and Jin gasped and moaned and arched his hips into YamaPi’s hand desperately.
He then remembered that Pi was still wearing his jeans and Jin caught his breath just long enough to pull them off along with his boxers and wrapped his hand about YamaPi’s erection (and God, he was huge!). YamaPi all but growled, and grabbed Jin harder and Jin’s breath hitched and he almost lost it right then and there. They kissed again, all tongues sliding against each other, teeth scraping their lips in painful pleasure and hands grabbing at each other’s hair, stroking each other, together, in sync, faster, faster, and Pi was thumbing the head of his cock and Jin did likewise, because he should be returning the favor, shouldn’t he, and they both arched their hips and pressed against each other. And just when Jin’s wondered briefly, in the back of his head, if this even counted for ‘You will sleep with me,’ they both groaned loudly and Jin’s toes curled and they came together.
*
“You are not keeping up your end of the bargain!” Jin complained, a week later, and made sure that his pout was actually audible through the phone.
“What?” YamaPi said, “What are you talking about?”
“Well,” Jin said with a huff, “’ If you call, he’ll always come,’ that’s what it said! But you’re not!”
“Am too!” YamaPi retorted, “I am right now.”
“You are lying,” Jin said, still sounding like a five-year-old who has been denied his favorite toy, “You sound perfectly normal, that’s not what people sound like when they are coming.”
The reply was muffled and there was a lot of noise Jin couldn’t quite decipher. Maybe YamaPi was coming now. Or maybe he had just dropped his cell phone.
*
“You’re such an idiot,” YamaPi said later, when they were both lying on Jin’s bed, completely out of breath, sticky, naked, and with identical grins on their faces, “Why’d you act out the girlfriend checklist, anyway? You’re not even a girl!”
“You ungrateful bastard!” Jin shrieked, “I did it all for you! Now take out the garbage!”
“What?” YamaPi asked.
“‘I will take out the garbage for you,’ that’s what it said,” Jin recited cheerfully, “Also, you’re supposed to protect me! So when Ryo tries to kill me tomorrow, you will stand up for me, right? That would really make me happy, and that’s supposed to be a benefit as well.”
“What did you do this time?” YamaPi wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.
(“Stop calling me dumb!” Jin had shrieked at Ryo, “I don’t care for your opinion anyway! You’re just pissed because your stupid drunk princess isn’t there, and you’re short and you have a midget complex and your face is UGLY.”
Ryo had screamed bloody murder.)
“Oh, nothing much,” Jin said, “Now what about my garbage?”
FIN
Pairing: Akanishi Jin/ Yamashita Tomohisa
Rating: R/NC-17
Author Notes: Ummm, I don't even know? I was looking at the NEWS g/f checklists with darkeyedwolf, and somehow the idea of one of the JE boys acting out one of the lists came up. AND WHO COULD BETTER DO THAT THAN JIN, I ASK YOU? Anyway. So he did. Mistakes/errors/whatever is for yours to keep. Will edit if I find any. This is dedicated to all my beloved Pin darlings ♥ ♥ ♥
It had taken Jin quite a while to figure out why his stomach did weird back flips whenever he talked to YamaPi. It had confused him greatly in the beginning - his stomach hadn’t done that before he went away to study, but now that he was back and him and Pi were going to be together in their new unit, for some reason it was different.
First Jin had thought he just had eaten something that his stomach found hard to handle. He had dismissed the theory soon, though, because what problem would his stomach have with six cheeseburgers, fries and a huge portion of ice cream? That had been normal for him for over a year (and God, he missed In ‘N’ Out Burgers a lot).
Then he had considered the high amount of physical training in the form of choreography lessons as the cause of his unnatural feelings. With the new single coming out soon and him being completely out of shape (“I’d call it fat,” Ryo had said), he’d been ordered to start working out twice as much as all his colleagues, effective immediately, and maybe his body was just telling him to go easy?
This particular theory was unlikely as well, though, because his stomach didn’t flip during work-out, but when YamaPi talked to him, or hugged him, or hit his shoulder playfully and said, “Come on, Jin, let’s do the secret hand shake!”
What made him figure out the real reason for his stomach’s odd behavior was when YamaPi showed up to karaoke with some girl, her eyes big, her hair long and shiny, and she was annoyingly clinging to YamaPi’s arm. Jin wanted to scratch her eyes out.
He found out, much later, that it hadn’t worked out between her and Pi. Still, that didn’t make it any easier for Jin.
*
“You just figured that out now?” Ryo asked, “Sadly, I am not surprised.”
“What should I do?” Jin whined and stuck out his bottom lip in a pout, “I want him for myself.”
Ryo, instead of answering, pulled out a tattered magazine, opened it at a marked page and put it on the table in front of Jin.
NewS girlfriend checklist, Jin read.
*
“Hey Pi,” Jin said and flopped down on the couch next to YamaPi, “Do you think friends are important? Because I do! I really think so!”
“What?” YamaPi gave him a confused look, “Of course they are, but why are you bringing that up now?”
Jin ignored him. “And you know what? Now that I think of it, I really do get along well with your friends. U-Kun is friends with both of us and I often hang out with Ryo and - ”
He paused and frowned. Damnit, he'd have to work on Toma.
“Ryo only likes making fun of you,” YamaPi said dryly, clearly at a loss at Jin’s train of thought.
Jin gave an outraged cry and tackled Pi to the ground.
*
“Where are we going?” YamaPi asked. He sounded annoyed, possibly because of the lack of information he was getting.
Jin had woken him up and dragged him to the car without any explanation. After all it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore if he explained his plans beforehand. And it was so much better as a surprise! Jin was fairly sure that YamaPi would be absolutely thrilled once he found out how perfectly Jin fit with The List.
“On a drive,” Jin said, “I am going on a drive with you.”
“I can see that!” YamaPi exclaimed in an exasperated voice, “But where are we going? It’s the middle of the night, Jin!”
“Ah yes,” Jin replied happily, “We’re going to a 7-11 store!”
“What? What?” YamaPi sounded as if he was close to attacking Jin, but Jin reasoned with himself that it was probably because he was so perfect and YamaPi just wanted to jump him and make out with him. It was quite understandable too, after all Jin was very attractive. Even Ryo had said so, that one time when they had gotten so drunk they couldn’t even stand anymore (Jin remembered vividly what they had been able to do, but they had both agreed they wouldn’t mention that to anyone, unless it was for blackmailing purposes).
“We’re going on a drive to a convenience store? At 3 am?” YamaPi asked in disbelief.
“Exactly!” Jin nodded enthusiastically. Finally YamaPi was getting it! “I am going to the convenience store with you in the middle of the night!”
“You should really go easy on the drugs,” YamaPi said and fell back into his seat, defeated.
*
“LkI’mbrshngmateesh!” Jin mumbled, his mouth full of toothpaste foam.
He had come over at YamaPi’s place to play video games (he’d lost most of the time, but that was okay, because winning made YamaPi smile and Jin liked seeing that smile as often as possible), and he had not-so-accidentally missed the last bus, so he could work on The List. Today’s item to check off was the teeth brushing thing.
“Eh?” YamaPi asked, confused.
“I said, look, I’m brushing my teeth before bed,” Jin repeated slowly, after spitting out the toothpaste foam into the sink. He flashed YamaPi a cheerful smile. “I also brushed them this morning, just for your information.”
“…ok.” YamaPi said.
*
Jin had been to NewS concerts before, but this time he was nervous. After all, he was on a mission. He had brought as much money as he could spare and ended up buying 25 of YamaPi’s uchiwas. In a fit of creativity, he decorated several of them with ‘I LOVE YOU YAMAPI’ and ‘YAMAPI IS THE BEST’ and ‘I LIKE THE WAY YOUR HAIR FALLS IN YOUR EYES’, but he half-heartedly scratched out the last one (it was a bit too obvious), so in the end only ‘I LIKE HAIR EYES’ was readable. And on one (the one with the picture of Pi winking) he wrote ‘I CAME TO YOUR CONCERT AND BOUGHT YOUR UCHIWA.’ After all, YamaPi could be awfully dense sometimes and Jin wanted to make sure he actually understood the lengths Jin was going to fulfill YamaPi’s girlfriend requirements.
“Very subtle,” Ryo commented, and patted Jin’s shoulder in a ‘I think you are the dumbest person on earth’ kind of way. Jin was about to say something completely immature, when the object of his affection entered the room.
“Oh my God!” YamaPi shrieked when he saw Jin’s little collection and pulled his friend out into the hallway, “What are you doing?”
YamaPi was looking red-faced and embarrassed, probably because some of the Juniors had pointed at him excitedly and Shige had said, “I think you’ve got a not-so-secret admirer!” But Jin couldn’t quite understand the embarrassment, because wasn’t it great to be noticed by your kouhais and to be admired by someone, secret or not?
“What do you think you’re doing, Jin?” YamaPi asked again.
Jin held up the winking uchiwas in reply.
*
It took Jin three weeks and four and a half days to finally invite Pi, his parents and his cousin who had 3-year-old twins to his apartment. When YamaPi arrived, he gasped in surprise at all the other guests. Jin had told him they were going to play video games, after all. But YamaPi was not one to turn down free food (Jin had counted on that) and so he sat down with Jin’s extended family and had dinner.
Jin made a point to pet his dogs constantly and coo at the children in a high-pitched voice and he made sure his parents always had enough to eat and to drink and were feeling comfortable. The good thing was that YamaPi seemed to be enjoying himself immensely, playing with the children and the pets and talking with Jin’s parents. The bad thing was that Pi didn’t seem to notice Jin’s efforts. No, he rather appeared to be ignoring Jin completely.
After 67 minutes Jin had enough. He pulled YamaPi to his feet by his arm, mumbled something about needing help and dragged him into the kitchen.
“Don’t ignore me!” he complained, “I am trying so hard!”
“Try harder!” YamaPi retorted, “It’s rude to leave your guests like that!”
Jin thought that any girlfriend of Pi’s was living a sad, sad life.
*
“It’s a date!” Jin decided.
“It’s what?” YamaPi shook his head irritably. It was obvious that he didn’t understand Jin lately, but Jin thought that was hardly his fault. After all it was Pi who was so dense he didn’t even see what was right before he is eyes. Namely his best friend working his ass off to be the perfect girlfriend.
“A date!” Jin repeated impatiently and pulled YamaPi into the pretty park that he had chosen as the location for their date. It would be perfect, the sun would shine down on them, they would stroll through the park slowly, have deep conversations about food and video games and --
It started to rain.
“It is not supposed to be like that!” Jin said in a whiny voice, to no one in particular. “It was supposed to be a sunny day!”
YamaPi gave him another look then opened his umbrella (Why had YamaPi brought an umbrella? The weather report had predicted sunshine!) and held it over them.
“Let’s go back, ok?”
“No!” Jin protested, “I want to go for a walk! I like going for walks!”
“It is raining! It’s pouring down!” YamaPi said in an exasperated voice and grabbed Jin’s arm to pull him along, “Let’s go!”
“No!” Jin repeated, “I won’t go yet! I want to - ”
Unfortunately his resistance made him trip over his own feet and lose balance. He shrieked, flailed and miraculously managed not to fall on his ass, but his right foot landed in a weird angle, making him yelp in pain.
“I think you might have sprained it,” YamaPi assessed when he kneeled down and examined Jin’s ankle, “Let’s go and put ice on it ok? I don’t know why you keep insisting on staying here!”
Jin wanted to cry and it wasn’t because of the pain in his ankle.
*
“Jin, I don’t even need new clothes!” YamaPi protested, as Jin pulled him through the streets of Shibuya, “Seriously, I just went shopping last week!”
“One always needs clothes!” Jin insisted, “I will help you pick them out!”
Jin was getting annoyed at YamaPi for being so difficult with everything. Why did he put all that crap on The List if he ended up being bothered by someone (namely Jin) trying to make all of it happen? Why wasn’t he the least bit happy?
But YamaPi didn’t look happy. He made that face, with his mouth curling downwards just a little bit and his forehead in wrinkles and his eyes slightly narrowed. The same face he made when magazines asked him about Valentine’s, or when someone offered him cake with whipped cream, or when he lost a game. Jin usually giggled when he made that face, but Pi usually never made that face at him. It was all so very frustrating.
YamaPi took forever to find something he wanted. But finally, in a hip second hand store, he pulled out two shirts and a jacket with a satisfied smiled.
Jin, however, had other plans. It was time to show just how perfect he was.
“I think one shirt should be enough, YamaPi,” he said in a condescending voice, “And you have enough jackets already.”
“I. What?” YamaPi asked, completely baffled, “Are you trying to keep me from buying these? After we have been shopping for four hours?”
“You need to shop within your budget!” Jin declared, “That’s what I always do!”
YamaPi just shook his head in pure and utter confusion and paid for everything.
*
“Where are we?” YamaPi asked and looked around curiously.
“We’re at the summer festival!” Jin said proudly and spread his arms as if to indicate the vast number of attractions waiting for them. Only there wasn’t anything there.
“It’s winter!” Pi said with a snort, “And there is no festival here, Jin!”
Jin sighed. YamaPi was just too clever for his own good sometimes, and unfortunately he was right in this particular situation. It was winter and because of that there wasn’t any summer festival to attend! But YamaPi wanted his ideal girlfriend to “like summer” and “festivals” and Jin couldn’t wait several months! He was on a schedule!
“Well, just pretend there is one, ok? Otherwise it won’t work!”
“What won’t work?” YamaPi asked, and his forehead was all wrinkly again, and Jin hated that look an Pi’s face, because it meant YamaPi was annoyed or unhappy with the current situation.
“Sharing food at the festival!” Jin elaborated, “Oh look isn’t that girl over there cute? And I really like what they did with the lights this time, don’t you think? I think it’s very pretty.”
YamaPi looked at him blankly, because there was neither a girl, nor any pretty lights and so Jin rummaged through his bag, and pulled out a banana. He peeled it off and bit off the top, then held it out to YamaPi.
“Here,” he said, “Have some.”
“A banana?” YamaPi asked, a helpless expression on his face.
Jin couldn’t understand why Pi didn’t seem to like it. He’d thought the sexual subtext of sharing a banana was particularly brilliant.
*
“Jin,” Pi said slowly and eyed the various books scattered across the floor, “What are you doing?”
”Shut up, I’m trying to study,” Jin said, determination evident in his voice.
It bothered Jin that he had to study yet again (after having pretended to do so for over a year), but there was no way around it - he had to practice his kanji. At first he thought that particular requirement was easy - he was Japanese after all! Sadly, that didn’t seem to be enough.
(“Oh, ’ You can speak Japanese,’ one more to cross off,” Jin had said happily.
“What are you talking about?” Ryo had replied with a mocking tone in his voice, “You can’t even spell you own name correctly.”
“Can too!” Jin had pouted and then proceeded to write his name on Ryo’s arm with a waterproof pen.
“That’s in English,” Ryo observed, “Also, I am going to kill you now.”)
Jin was convinced, for a while, that speaking didn’t necessarily require writing, but he couldn’t be sure, and he really wanted to win over that stupid list. Why did YamaPi require Japanese anyway? Didn’t he know foreign languages were really hot? And you could swear and no one in Japan would understand you, even if you said really juicy stuff. It was awesome.
In the end, Jin bought children’s Kanji books.
(“Hey Ryo,” YamaPi had asked his band mate a day later, “Why is Jin’s name on your arm?”
“One day in the soon future I’m going to strangle both of you,” Ryo had replied with a distant look on his face, “It’ll be a beautiful day.”)
*
“Isn’t it beautiful?” Jin asked his best friend and his lips curled into a soft, serene smile. “The fresh smell of the ocean, the soothing sound of the waves, building castles in the sand, surfing - ”
“And it’s December and I’m freezing! Why the hell are we here?”
Jin realized with a frown that YamaPi still wasn’t getting it at all! It was frustrating, really! He had practiced his speech about the beauty of the ocean for days (and words like ‘soothing’ weren’t in his everyday vocabulary, so that had been really hard) and now YamaPi had just interrupted him and he was looking pissed and unhappy, even though he was supposed to be happy, because Jin was doing this for him.
“We are here to enjoy the beauty of the ocean,” Jin said, then took off his jacket and held it out to YamaPi, because he had said he was freezing and Jin didn’t want to be responsible for Pi catching a cold or becoming an icicle. That would be kind of hard to explain to Johnny-san.
YamaPi shook his head irritably (Jin thought his expression clearly said ‘I AM NOT A GIRL,’ but Jin also thought one couldn’t be too sure with Pi’s current hair style) and pushed Jin’s hand back. Jin rolled his eyes and held out his jacket to YamaPi again. He noticed (now that he was only wearing his sweater) that it was really fucking cold and why the hell couldn’t it be summer? YamaPi proudly pushed his hand away again, and this went on for a while until Jin got annoyed and started to tickle Pi and Pi tickled him back and suddenly they both lost balance and fell into the cold sand.
“Pfdskjgl,” Jin said and spit out a mouthful of sand.
“Aklhdshl,” YamaPi replied and coughed violently, “Bakanishi! We’re leaving.”
“But!” Jin whined, “I wanted to watch the fireworks with you!”
“What fireworks?” YamaPi asked and stopped pulling Jin, “Where? I don’t see any!”
Jin looked at Pi with big, sad eyes.
“I forget it at home.”
*
”What do you need it for?” the doctor asked him.
“I am not feeling well,” Jin said and it was only a half-lie, since Jin hated going to the hospital and he was feeling kind of squirmy and the x-ray machine had really scared him.
“Yes, but why do you need to take it with you? I can just send it over to other doctors, if you want a second opinion. But it really looks like you’re fine.”
“I am moving abroad soon,” Jin lied again. And this was only a half-lie again, since he’d just come back from being abroad a little earlier, so instead of speaking of the future he was speaking of the past, but the facts were still the same!
The doctor gave in, then, and Jin grinned to himself all the way to YamaPi’s apartment and when he finally got there, he squealed out loud and proudly showed his x-ray to his best friend.
“…ok?” YamaPi said, sounding confused. “Why are you showing me an x-ray picture?”
“I have a beautiful heart!” Jin declared.
*
Jin wasn’t particularly surprised that three requirements on The List were about food. YamaPi liked eating (and he needed it, too, otherwise he would lose his boobs), and Jin liked eating too, the only problem was that Jin couldn’t cook. He had no idea how to cook, in general (except cup ramen and instant yakisoba, maybe), he didn’t know how to make edible rice and he wasn’t any good at grilling squid either.
Why the hell did YamaPi want that, anyway? They had more than enough money to just order food or go out to eat or maybe hire a cook. Why was he making it so hard for Jin?
But he didn’t want to give up, no matter what. So he’d bought some squid to grill, he’d printed out instructions for cooking rice and he was planning to cook some other side dishes too. Pi was coming over to his place, and he was going to impress him tremendously! He had even asked his Mom for recipes, but she had told him to stay away from cooking under any and all circumstances. Jin had decided to ignore her warnings.
At first it seemed to work well. He found two rice cookers in his kitchen (how had they gotten there? He hadn’t even know he had them!) and chose the one that looked prettier. The rice bowls for the cooker were in another drawer (so complicated!), and he chose the pretty one too. Pretty with pretty, perfect! Jin found the ON button on his rice cooker almost instantly, which immediately lightened his mood. Hey, maybe cooking wasn’t that hard, after all!
Jin measured both the rice and the water and added it to the inner bowl, closed the lid and, just like the instructions told him, “activated the cooking cycle”. He stood in front of the rice cooker for a moment, proud at his tremendous accomplishments, when he remembered that rice was not the only dish he wanted to serve.
With a small, self-satisfied cackle, Jin heated the grill, rinsed the squid under cold water and then dried it with paper towels, when suddenly an assortment of vegetables caught his eyes and he realized with a shock that he hadn’t even washed and cut them yet! Jin flailed and threw the paper towels into the air with a shriek, then grabbed the vegetables. He would win this challenge!
Things started to get downhill from there. His pretty, pretty rice cooker was suddenly flowing over and no matter what button Jin pushed it wouldn’t stop and it was playing an annoying melody that filled Jin with complete and utter panic. He kept hitting the rice cooker until suddenly he smelled something funny, and upon turning around he broke into a terrified scream, because, his kitchen was on fire! How had the paper towels landed on the grill, hadn’t he put them in the bowl with the squid? And why was the fire getting bigger, HELP!
Jin could hear the key turning in his front door (Help was coming! Yamapi!) and he shrieked even loader and flailed and pushed over the bowls with the squid and the vegetables, so everything was spread on the floor, and he tried to make the fire stop by waving his hands wildly, but failed miserably, which made him cry out in a terrified voice some more.
“Jin?” YamaPi asked and entered the apartment, “Why are you yelling? What - what is this smell?”
“Fire! Fire!” Jin screamed in horror and ran to hide behind YamaPi.
YamaPi shrieked as well, but proved to be a little less terrified than Jin when he grabbed a cup, filled it with water and poured it over the grill. There was a hissing sound and a lot of smoke and Jin cowered behind the kitchen table in fear.
“Are you crazy?” YamaPi asked, once the smoke had cleared, “Why are you setting your own apartment on fire? Do you want to move? You just should have said something!”
“I can cook! Even though it might not look like it, I really can!” Jin said with a dramatic pout, crossed his arms, and sulked.
YamaPi picked up his phone to order pizza.
*
Desperate times called for desperate measures, Jin thought. He had tried everything and still, still, Pi didn’t seem to get it at all! He had tried to cook! He had practiced his kanji, he had bought twenty-five YamaPi uchiwas which were now hidden under his bed!
This was his last chance, he realized. The last thing on The List, and quite possible the most difficult. But, and Jin grinned widely at that, also the most enjoyable one if he managed to make it work.
Jin had stolen YamaPi’s spare key when YamaPi was busy eating and now he had let himself into his friend’s apartment while said friend was still away doing some interview. He had lit a whole lot of candles (and that had been a lot of work) and put on good music (the KAT-TUN album) and then he had shed his clothes and propped himself up on YamaPi’s couch in a suggestive pose.
Only YamaPi still hadn’t come home yet. And Jin’s leg had fallen asleep and his back hurt like hell and the candles where burning down and it was getting rather cold, especially around that area.
So when Jin finally, finally heard the key turning in the front door, he was unfortunate enough to be in an awkward position, his legs oddly bent (so he could feel them again) and his head in his lap. He was trying to blow warm air onto his most precious body part, so it wouldn’t feel so incredibly cold.
“J-Jin?” YamaPi choked, his eyes wide and his cheeks crimson, “What. I. How - What are you doing?”
Jin was about to whine about how he had waited forever and ever, how it was fucking cold and the candles were almost burned down and where the hell had YamaPi been, but then he realized that YamaPi wasn’t talking to his face, but rather to his dick, and that gave Jin a painful erection almost immediately, and maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to tell YamaPi the whole truth.
“Foreplay,” Jin said, and did his tongue thing.
*
It had taken Jin three tries of smothering looks and a crooked finger to get YamaPi to sit on the couch next to him. Pi had been rooted to the spot for exactly 4 minutes and 28 seconds (Jin had counted), until Jin had thought it the right moment to play his card. He had wrapped his own hand around his cock and looked at YamaPi out of dark, dark eyes and he’d said, “YamaPi,” in a breathless voice.
YamaPi had made a strangled sound, dropped his jacked and keys to the floor and moved to sit next to Jin on the couch. But he still wasn’t doing anything. He was looking at Jin with wide eyes, licking his lips nervously, and Jin smirked a little to himself before finally grabbing YamaPi’s face in his hands and kissing him hard.
Jin buried one hand in YamaPi’s hair (God, it had gotten longer than his own!) and slid his other hand under YamaPi’s shirt, running his fingers down his chest ever so slowly, lower, lower, and YamaPi made a whimpering sound deep in the back of his throat and Jin thought he had never heard anything hotter. In a joint effort they took off YamaPi’s shirt and Jin undid YamaPi’s pants impatiently and suddenly he wasn’t feeling cold anymore, and Pi was still looking a little unsure, but in a determined way and with a gulp he reached out and wrapped his fingers around Jin’s erection.
For a moment Jin lost all coherent thought, threw his head back and moaned shamelessly, because God, that felt good, amazing, better than he could have ever imagined, ever. Nothing could ever prove better, nothing, but then YamaPi started to stroke him, slowly, steadily, and Jin gasped and moaned and arched his hips into YamaPi’s hand desperately.
He then remembered that Pi was still wearing his jeans and Jin caught his breath just long enough to pull them off along with his boxers and wrapped his hand about YamaPi’s erection (and God, he was huge!). YamaPi all but growled, and grabbed Jin harder and Jin’s breath hitched and he almost lost it right then and there. They kissed again, all tongues sliding against each other, teeth scraping their lips in painful pleasure and hands grabbing at each other’s hair, stroking each other, together, in sync, faster, faster, and Pi was thumbing the head of his cock and Jin did likewise, because he should be returning the favor, shouldn’t he, and they both arched their hips and pressed against each other. And just when Jin’s wondered briefly, in the back of his head, if this even counted for ‘You will sleep with me,’ they both groaned loudly and Jin’s toes curled and they came together.
*
“You are not keeping up your end of the bargain!” Jin complained, a week later, and made sure that his pout was actually audible through the phone.
“What?” YamaPi said, “What are you talking about?”
“Well,” Jin said with a huff, “’ If you call, he’ll always come,’ that’s what it said! But you’re not!”
“Am too!” YamaPi retorted, “I am right now.”
“You are lying,” Jin said, still sounding like a five-year-old who has been denied his favorite toy, “You sound perfectly normal, that’s not what people sound like when they are coming.”
The reply was muffled and there was a lot of noise Jin couldn’t quite decipher. Maybe YamaPi was coming now. Or maybe he had just dropped his cell phone.
*
“You’re such an idiot,” YamaPi said later, when they were both lying on Jin’s bed, completely out of breath, sticky, naked, and with identical grins on their faces, “Why’d you act out the girlfriend checklist, anyway? You’re not even a girl!”
“You ungrateful bastard!” Jin shrieked, “I did it all for you! Now take out the garbage!”
“What?” YamaPi asked.
“‘I will take out the garbage for you,’ that’s what it said,” Jin recited cheerfully, “Also, you’re supposed to protect me! So when Ryo tries to kill me tomorrow, you will stand up for me, right? That would really make me happy, and that’s supposed to be a benefit as well.”
“What did you do this time?” YamaPi wasn’t sure he really wanted to know.
(“Stop calling me dumb!” Jin had shrieked at Ryo, “I don’t care for your opinion anyway! You’re just pissed because your stupid drunk princess isn’t there, and you’re short and you have a midget complex and your face is UGLY.”
Ryo had screamed bloody murder.)
“Oh, nothing much,” Jin said, “Now what about my garbage?”
FIN