IRONY
We've gone 6 months with no living room furniture. A big carpeted space for cartwheels, handstands and airplane rides. On Saturday we will host an 8 year old fairy birthday party. In that room I've planned a relay race, a craft and the bulk of the wiggle-giggling of 12 little girls.
I just got word that our baby grand piano is being delivered tomorrow.
And...
I can't write Jay.
There are very few people in this world that I let myself only react to without ever taking the reigns of being myself. I spend a lot of my emotional energy and mental time calculating how my words & action effect others. I'm always ready to manipulate conversations to please. I constantly over analyze the way interaction goes down a certain path. So I was startled this week by someone I've known for years. Our exchange was all too familiar, predictable, and by every account exactly where I expected it to go. So why the blip that has left me circle dancing around the same thoughts unable to reply? It was not the content of his words but my eyes finally opening to my involuntary reaction. Let's cut straight to it...
Jay sent me mail that said,"yadeeyadeeyadee...I think I take it for granted that you are in my life. blah blah blah." Now comes my skillful blame shifting techniques that I've honed to perfection. My insides flare up in a rage of why does he treat me like a school girl with a crush on him. There it is... He treats me. He treats me? No. Why do I treat him like I'm a school girl with a crush?
I asked for communication, I'm speechless.
I just got word that our baby grand piano is being delivered tomorrow.
And...
I can't write Jay.
There are very few people in this world that I let myself only react to without ever taking the reigns of being myself. I spend a lot of my emotional energy and mental time calculating how my words & action effect others. I'm always ready to manipulate conversations to please. I constantly over analyze the way interaction goes down a certain path. So I was startled this week by someone I've known for years. Our exchange was all too familiar, predictable, and by every account exactly where I expected it to go. So why the blip that has left me circle dancing around the same thoughts unable to reply? It was not the content of his words but my eyes finally opening to my involuntary reaction. Let's cut straight to it...
Jay sent me mail that said,"yadeeyadeeyadee...I think I take it for granted that you are in my life. blah blah blah." Now comes my skillful blame shifting techniques that I've honed to perfection. My insides flare up in a rage of why does he treat me like a school girl with a crush on him. There it is... He treats me. He treats me? No. Why do I treat him like I'm a school girl with a crush?
I asked for communication, I'm speechless.