The Daily Reese Journal, Volume 6
We here at the Reese News Desk would like to apologize for the delay in bringing you the latest updates. As the most devoted and dedicated team of Reese reporters, we sometimes have to go above and beyond our usual reporting to be sure we bring you the most exceptional coverage possible. And if this involves staying up for more than 48 hours with less than 3 hours of sleep, we'll do it.
Lets get you caught up.
So on Tuesday, Reese made a very good case as for why I should leave the office and visit Reese HQ. I don't remember exactly how she convinced me to do this, though I'd bet it involved her saying something along the lines of "Hello." We met, then, for a short amount of time where we played some games with each other (notably "Bed of Corruption") before I was off to the resteraunt. Later, I returned with food in hand. We dined lightly before being sucked into our next game "Oh Shit, Life can Sometimes be Very Complicated." Somehow, and against all odds, we won the game! Or, at the least, we didn't lose. The downside to this game is that we stayed up the entirity of the night playing it. Talk about exhausting!
Luckily yesterday and today have been chock full of Reese and I firing on all cylinders. We are quickly approaching game night on Saturday, which is most certainly cause for excitement.
Whats that? You want the break down of all the hot talk-on-talk action? Okay!
Wednesday:
"fights, dogs, bums"
Hm.
"Don't be a chicken - go for a bigger cock."
I wonder if the cock-chicken parallel is on purpose?
9:54 PM "Pick up your 800% BONUS"
800% of what?
"Bring back time when girls were yours"
Useful if I was a former slave owner, I guess
9:55 PM Oh no...i couldnt make this one up if i tried
"I taped Mike farting!"
I pray nobody falls for that spam.
"How about having a soldier in your pants that is ready at any time?"
9:56 PM That sounds kinda cool. PantsSoldier! Ready to combat terrorism. And sexy.
Does my spam email know all about me?
9:57 PM "Olsen Twins showed boobs!"
"Secret vid: Pitt doing Jolie"
Which would be funny if Brad actually called her Jolie in bed.
"Oh, Jolie, you're so hot!"
9:58 PM anyways, i'm done with that.
me: What does that even mean?
Reese: i don't know
but he's beautiful
me: It'd be cool if he rapped during sex.
and he rapped about the sex.
Reese: mmm
"yo yo so this girl i'm boning, her name be reese..." i got nothing
i'm so white
me: My dick is so big
make you feel like a pig
when i'm done
gonna need a cig
I have to say...i'm a slightly better rapper than you
Reese: that rap was horrible
mostly because you just called me a pig
me: Thats Mos Def talking. Not me
I would never say that
Lets see what LJ has to say about this
If you arent Reese: You suck.
Lets get you caught up.
So on Tuesday, Reese made a very good case as for why I should leave the office and visit Reese HQ. I don't remember exactly how she convinced me to do this, though I'd bet it involved her saying something along the lines of "Hello." We met, then, for a short amount of time where we played some games with each other (notably "Bed of Corruption") before I was off to the resteraunt. Later, I returned with food in hand. We dined lightly before being sucked into our next game "Oh Shit, Life can Sometimes be Very Complicated." Somehow, and against all odds, we won the game! Or, at the least, we didn't lose. The downside to this game is that we stayed up the entirity of the night playing it. Talk about exhausting!
Luckily yesterday and today have been chock full of Reese and I firing on all cylinders. We are quickly approaching game night on Saturday, which is most certainly cause for excitement.
Whats that? You want the break down of all the hot talk-on-talk action? Okay!
Wednesday:
- Diane doesn't remember morning sex.
- The woes of being unfriended by strangers
- Catty tweet-baiting
- Batman doodling to stay awake
- Salads made of money and roasted babies
- On the prowl for jealous ladies
- Zzzzing each other
- Banks fuck you hard
- Catty tweet-baiting, part 2: The plan to have chocolate eaten off of one's fingers
- DO YOU LIKE MY NEW HAIR x29
- CRRROOOSSSSFFFFIIIRE! Something something something. CROSSSFIIIRRRREEEE!
- Spiney cat penises
- Michael locks himself out of the car
- The Incredibly Stupid Jailbreak
- My analysis of my spam emails:
"fights, dogs, bums"
Hm.
"Don't be a chicken - go for a bigger cock."
I wonder if the cock-chicken parallel is on purpose?
9:54 PM "Pick up your 800% BONUS"
800% of what?
"Bring back time when girls were yours"
Useful if I was a former slave owner, I guess
9:55 PM Oh no...i couldnt make this one up if i tried
"I taped Mike farting!"
I pray nobody falls for that spam.
"How about having a soldier in your pants that is ready at any time?"
9:56 PM That sounds kinda cool. PantsSoldier! Ready to combat terrorism. And sexy.
Does my spam email know all about me?
9:57 PM "Olsen Twins showed boobs!"
"Secret vid: Pitt doing Jolie"
Which would be funny if Brad actually called her Jolie in bed.
"Oh, Jolie, you're so hot!"
9:58 PM anyways, i'm done with that.
- BBW chicken
- Lemon Shit
- "I did not listen to what you just said 299 times."
- Mos Def rapping during sex (Here is the award winning transcript of that conversation:)
me: What does that even mean?
Reese: i don't know
but he's beautiful
me: It'd be cool if he rapped during sex.
and he rapped about the sex.
Reese: mmm
"yo yo so this girl i'm boning, her name be reese..." i got nothing
i'm so white
me: My dick is so big
make you feel like a pig
when i'm done
gonna need a cig
I have to say...i'm a slightly better rapper than you
Reese: that rap was horrible
mostly because you just called me a pig
me: Thats Mos Def talking. Not me
I would never say that
Lets see what LJ has to say about this
- The boy who smelled like lasagna
- Reese's clone
- Pete is a homophobe
- Achieving victory by not stumbling into Poop Central Station
- "I'm going to put this on the fridge"
- "Girl Vampire Bikini Road Trip" Vs. "She's in the Details"
- Crazy Reese's conspiracy theories
- Cri Cri Cut gets stolen
- Guys: Unpractical lunch packers since 10 Million BC
- The Internet is down
- SOL
- The breadstick with a hand on the end of it
- My mom either hates me, or thinks I am cute
- California might have exploded. Check CNN.
- Oliver leaves a mystery cut in my ear
- DO YOU LIKE MY VAGINA? OMG, I'M ANNOYING
- B and F, where they do not stand for Butt Fart
- Former best funky rabbit holder
- Bon Iver is bad
- Only douches and salmon wear pink shirts
- Reese has the official right to say "Jew Hair"
- Someone who is quite busty is keeping me entertained right now.
If you arent Reese: You suck.