Most Metal Deaths in Greek Mythology
Having just finished friend Alyx J. Shaw's surreal, metal novel Gryphons, I have lately found myself susceptible to certain vicious plot bunnies better suited to Metalocalypse than Greek mythology. However, I think Dethklok would probably approve of this catalog of Most Metal Deaths in Greek Myth:
- Antinous: Most arrogant and mean-spirited of Penelope's 108 suitors, he's the first to die when Odysseus shoots him in the throat with his great bow.
- Polydektes: King of Seriphos. Turned to stone by Perseus wielding Medusa's head.
- Hippolytus: Son of Theseus and Antiope. Cursed by his father, caught in an overturned chariot, and dragged to death by his own team of horses.
- Tydeus: Father of Diomedes, one of the original Seven Against Thebes. Died munching on the brains of his opponent, Melanippus.
- Pelias: Usurper king of Iolkos, uncle of Jason. Cut to pieces by his own daughters at the suggestion of Medea, who tricked him into thinking being hacked up and thrown into a magic cauldron would magically restore his youth.
- Pentheus: Torn to pieces by the madwomen of Thebes, including his own mother and aunts.
- Glauke and Creon: This princess of Thebes and her father burn to death after a jilted, furious Medea sends her a poisoned robe. Why Medea didn't just send a lethal tunic to Jason instead boggles the mind. I guess she thought killing the kids was sufficient.
- Minos: Scalded to death in a bath by the daughters of King Cocalus, in a trap set by Daedalus.
- Pandarus: Renowed archer of Troy during the Trojan War. Killed by Diomedes via a spear through the nose that severs his tongue. Basically, every single battlefield kill in the Iliad belongs on this list.
- Agamemnon: Getting cut to pieces in your bathtub by the mother of the daughter you sacrificed and her new lover/your creepy, estranged, incestuous cousin is a pretty nasty way to go. Sensing a pattern here with asshole kings getting punctured in bathtubs by angry women? The Greeks knew a good motif when they saw it.
- Cassandra: Princess of Troy taken as a concubine by Agamemnon. Foresees her own terrible demise, but walks into the palace of Mycenae to be gruesomely slaughtered, anyway.
- Clytemnestra: Killed by her own kids to avenge their father's murder.
- Thyestes' three sons: Killed by their uncle Atreus, chopped into bits, cooked into a stew, and served to their dad. Can we just agree that most of the House of Atreus belongs on this list?
- Orpheus: Torn to pieces by maenads in Thrace. His severed head lives on as an oracle.
- Patroklos: Companion of Achilles, killed fighting the Trojans disguised as Achilles. Racks up the highest body count during this one rampage than any other hero in the Iliad; he kills 27 named Trojans, and 27 unnamed ones. Tries to scale the walls of Troy three times and almost succeeds; it takes Apollo himself to stop this killing machine
- Herakles: In agony, his skin burning and peeling off, this ultimate Greek badass gets on his own funeral pyre and has his companion Philoctetes light it up.
There are probably some deaths I missed. Also, some deaths that might seem metal aren't really. Theseus getting shoved off a cliff or Achilles getting hit in the heel: not really that metal.