...it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling.
This is all I found when I went searching for "home"... two big hairy beasts that go by the names Samson and Christopher respectively. There were glimmers of hope in my sister and my mom, but I left yesterday, after an (un)expected turn of events resembling a scandalous 7th Heaven episode, feeling absolutely free and unremorseful to say goodbye to "my parent's house." It's the ending of an era, and the beginning of 2005- Happy New Year's, kids.
I don't know how to get away without still keeping my family- my siblings and my mother. Everything feels so strained, so stretched and thin and scared, like at any moment we could break right through ourselves. I don't want to be a ghost of anyone anymore, not of my mother or dad or step-father or even the person I was when I left Texas the first time around. When do you leave this shitty stretch of endless transitions and find your own space to move forward without feeling those tugs backward? Not here or now, so when?
