destiny gets nervous
This is actually a missing scene from The Garden of Forking Paths. You know, any excuse for more Olivia/Lloyd moments. I'm working on something from the last aired episode while trying to convince myself that this show will get renewed for a second season.
Takes place immediately after Olivia leaves the FBI building with Charlie. Nicole makes an appearance as well, and though I love her, she's taking Mark's side in this fic, because I think that's the position she would take on the show.
I also apologize in advance for the amount of times Lloyd says "Olivia", but there's something about her name rolling off of his tongue that drives me wild. I think it's the accent.
She’s squeezing Charlie too tightly as she charges through the elevator doors and out of the uncomfortable claustrophobia of the government building. There’s a promise of seeing Nicole that has Charlie grinning although she’s protesting with frequent, "Too tight Mommy!" comments but Olivia doesn’t loosen her grip until Charlie’s safely buckled into her car seat. She’s holding on too tightly to everything, for all of the wrong reasons.
Nicole’s bright-eyed as always, beaming as Charlie sprints across the lawn and envelops her in a hug. Olivia feels like the weight of a thousand books are barreling onto her chest. Breathing is a difficult and painful process, but it’s not as though she has any other choice but to press on. She exchanges a small smile with Nicole, who seems a bit distracted.
"Charlie, go pick a movie," Nicole instructs. "I’ll be right in. I’ll make popcorn."
Charlie’s face lights up as she waves goodbye to her mom and dashes inside of her house. A second later, Olivia spots the flashing lights of the tv from the picture window in the living room.
Nicole ambles over to her, hands placed uncomfortably in her pockets. "Are you all right?" she manages after a few moments, kicking up dirt with the spike of her heel.
Olivia chuckles. She and Nicole are hardly friends. "I’m just tired," she promises. Nicole wears the same concerned look that Mark donned a few minutes before. She suppresses a sigh.
Nicole nods. "And Mark?" she presses. "I know it’s not my business to pry, but..."
"You’re right. It’s not," Olivia cuts her off. She’s often too quick to snap, always on the defense, waiting for the next assault. Truth is, she’s feeling guilty and she has no one to tell these things to. Everyone’s always liked Mark better anyway. It’s not a pity party she’s having. It’s simply the truth.
"I’m sorry," Nicole offers, looking down at the sidewalk. "I heard about what happened at the carnival. Is Charlie okay?"
Olivia nods. "We think so." How can you ever really know for sure, she wonders. "She seems happy."
"Well, she adores you," Nicole blurts out.
Olivia’s not sure where this comment came from, because it doesn’t quite seem to fit. Regardless, she smiles softly.
"She seems to love playing with Dylan," Nicole adds, turning on her heel to walk away. Her head whips slowly over her shoulder. "She talks about him nonstop."
Olivia’s eyes freeze. "He’s a good kid," is all she can say. Nicole’s eyes see through her. Olivia realizes that she knows.
"Yeah," Nicole nods. "Yeah, that’s great for Charlie."
She can’t quite place Nicole’s sarcasm.
"Look," Olivia offers quickly. "A lot of people get divorced. When you’re young, you think things will always last forever, but sometimes they don’t, Nicole. Some things weren’t made to last a lifetime."
Nicole softens. "So that’s it then? It’s over?"
Olivia isn’t sure why she’s sharing this with the babysitter. She’ll run right back to Mark with this gossip, most likely. She can only guess that a part of her wants Mark to know.
"I don’t know." Her head’s empty and clouded all at once. To explain this out loud to Nicole, of all people, would be impossible. Mark’s perfect on paper. The problem, of course, lies within her. That’s how everyone will see it. "Don’t say anything to Charlie yet. She’s been through enough."
Nicole nods, eyes narrowing slightly. "Yeah," she agrees watching Olivia. "She’s been through enough."
Olivia bites down on her tongue as Nicole disappears back into the house and watches as the girl hugs Charlie, petting her daughter’s hair softly as they start the movie.
She turns back to her car hesitantly. She keeps biting until she tastes blood.
"Olivia."
His sense of shock seems to be more from her current condition than the fact that she’s standing outside of his doorway in the middle of the afternoon.
"Can I come in?"
It isn’t so much a question as an order, and he backs away to let her through.
Lloyd shuts the door behind her, turning to face her curiously.
"Is Dylan here?" she asks bluntly.
Lloyd shakes his head. "It’s a school day," he replies, eyes lit with amusement.
Olivia lowers her head, blonde hair cascading over her shoulders. "Oh, right," she remembers, laughing slightly. "We let Charlie stay home because of...." She doesn’t finish because he knows all about it. He’d been the person she called to calm her down while Charlie slept and Mark and the rest of the FBI conducted their search.
Lloyd nods, taking a step closer to her, his hand wrapping around her wrist. "How is she?"
Olivia pauses. "All right. She’s with Nicole." Olivia’s eyes slowly trail up from the carpet to meet his. "I have surgery in a few hours," she adds.
Lloyd squeezes her wrist before he lets his hand fall back to his side. "And how are you?"
His voice makes her want to cry. It’s the one question no one’s bothered to ask her yet. Even Mark had failed to worry about her.
She shrugs lightly. "It was just a really bad night." Her voice cracks and she tells herself she isn’t going to cry anymore.
When Lloyd hugs her, she snaps, crumbling to pieces in his arms. She can’t act around him. She can’t hold herself together or pretend to be someone she’s not.
He strokes her hair gently and she cries softly, burying her head into his shirt.
Lloyd kisses her forehead. She squeezes her eyes shut. Mark’s looking at her longingly and telling her it was really good to see her. Even then she’s pushing him away.
"It’s okay now," Lloyd tells her, using his thumb to brush her tears from her cheeks. She’s never felt so exposed in her life and for the first time, she’s not worried about letting her guard down. It’s the furthest thought from her mind.
"She could have been..." Olivia begins.
"But she’s wasn’t," Lloyd reminds her. His thumb brushes her jaw line softly. "You’re always so strong for everyone," he points out. "Who’s going to be strong for you?"
Her lips part as the words stumble out of his mouth and she’s thinking of Harvard and Boston and how this man would have never expected her to compromise her dreams for him. She’s picturing the two of them walking around Cambridge and she’s laughing as he tries to explain some physics theory to her and she’s giddy with her first experience in an actual operating room.
He brings her back to reality as his fingers brush over her lips. Her nails dig into his arms desperately.
"We shouldn’t," he tells her quietly, and she sees Mark holding a green jelly bean to her lips and she’s shaking her head because when she’s with her husband she feels like she’s cheating on a man she barely knows.
"I know," she agrees quickly. She’s aware of the dangers and the risk she’s taking. Maybe she should be stronger, but he’s right, she’s so tired of being so strong all the time. It’s breaking her apart.
His hand falls to her waist and she closes her eyes slowly, taking in the feeling of being with him. It’s different than when she’s with Mark. It’s more intimate. He knows her without trying to. She has nothing to explain or account for with him. Even when she’s a mess he’s looking at her like she’s the most remarkable creature he’s ever encountered.
"Olivia," he repeats and she knows he’s wondering if she’s okay. This can’t be healthy, she knows. Minutes before she was crying and an hour before that she was with Mark, feeling like she was on trial every time he looked at her.
"I don’t want to talk about it," she insists, bringing her lips to his roughly. She kisses him until she’s dizzy, until all of her guilt and shame and defenses disappear.
Lloyd pulls away first, pushing her off of him her body hitting the wall softly. His hands rest on either side of her shoulders, her breathing uneven and quick, and he’s sure to keep his distance.
"Are you sure?" he whispers slowly, restraining himself.
Olivia exhales loudly, hands wrapping around his neck. She nods her head yes. "No," she says quickly.
Lloyd’s hands cover hers, holding her against the wall, and she tenses. She’s ready to let go and forget everything, if only for a little while. She needs him to just touch her and let herself get lost in him, but he’s keeping her at arm’s length and she can’t figure out what she done wrong.
A moment later she’s struggling to break free of his grasp. "Let me go," she demands, embarrassed and humiliated. She’s never been this open before and to have him reject her stings more than she ever thought possible.
"Damn it," he mutters, throwing his hands down in surrender as he turns away from her. She takes a step towards him daringly, puzzled by his strange reaction.
"Lloyd," she says softly, her hand reaching for his arm.
He turns around quickly, his hands cupping her face instantly. "I’m trying to be a good guy here," he growls, eyes boring into her. "You’re not making this easy."
She freezes. For an instant, it’s as if time is suspended and she’s holding her breath, counting the seconds quietly to herself. She’s not running scared anymore and he’s not holding back any longer. For a moment, time stops and they’re both forced to realize the full weight of their decisions.
A few feet away, the ringing of the phone causes her to jump back, fingers pressed into the smooth wall behind her.
Lloyd’s eyes drift over to her cell phone, glowing from her purse. He leans down and picks it up, offering it to her. Neither mention the name on the caller ID. It’d be pointless to go there, anyway.
Olivia’s fingers press the red button, rejecting the call. Still, it’s not as if she can put her entire life on hold, so she checks the voice mail despite the protests in her head. Lloyd watches her.
"Hey," Mark’s voice begins, a sigh restrained in his throat. "I was just thinking and...everything with Charlie...I’m just...look I’m sorry. And I hope you’re okay. I never even asked you that. Are you? You can...you can talk to me if you need to. You can still talk to me."
His voice fades and the phone weighs heavily in her hand as she steadies herself against the wall. "Too little, too late," she whispers.
She expects to feel guilty, or sad at the very least.
Lloyd squeezes her shoulder and kisses the top of her head before disappearing into the kitchen.
She watches him go.
It strikes her that none of this feels wrong.
Takes place immediately after Olivia leaves the FBI building with Charlie. Nicole makes an appearance as well, and though I love her, she's taking Mark's side in this fic, because I think that's the position she would take on the show.
I also apologize in advance for the amount of times Lloyd says "Olivia", but there's something about her name rolling off of his tongue that drives me wild. I think it's the accent.
She’s squeezing Charlie too tightly as she charges through the elevator doors and out of the uncomfortable claustrophobia of the government building. There’s a promise of seeing Nicole that has Charlie grinning although she’s protesting with frequent, "Too tight Mommy!" comments but Olivia doesn’t loosen her grip until Charlie’s safely buckled into her car seat. She’s holding on too tightly to everything, for all of the wrong reasons.
Nicole’s bright-eyed as always, beaming as Charlie sprints across the lawn and envelops her in a hug. Olivia feels like the weight of a thousand books are barreling onto her chest. Breathing is a difficult and painful process, but it’s not as though she has any other choice but to press on. She exchanges a small smile with Nicole, who seems a bit distracted.
"Charlie, go pick a movie," Nicole instructs. "I’ll be right in. I’ll make popcorn."
Charlie’s face lights up as she waves goodbye to her mom and dashes inside of her house. A second later, Olivia spots the flashing lights of the tv from the picture window in the living room.
Nicole ambles over to her, hands placed uncomfortably in her pockets. "Are you all right?" she manages after a few moments, kicking up dirt with the spike of her heel.
Olivia chuckles. She and Nicole are hardly friends. "I’m just tired," she promises. Nicole wears the same concerned look that Mark donned a few minutes before. She suppresses a sigh.
Nicole nods. "And Mark?" she presses. "I know it’s not my business to pry, but..."
"You’re right. It’s not," Olivia cuts her off. She’s often too quick to snap, always on the defense, waiting for the next assault. Truth is, she’s feeling guilty and she has no one to tell these things to. Everyone’s always liked Mark better anyway. It’s not a pity party she’s having. It’s simply the truth.
"I’m sorry," Nicole offers, looking down at the sidewalk. "I heard about what happened at the carnival. Is Charlie okay?"
Olivia nods. "We think so." How can you ever really know for sure, she wonders. "She seems happy."
"Well, she adores you," Nicole blurts out.
Olivia’s not sure where this comment came from, because it doesn’t quite seem to fit. Regardless, she smiles softly.
"She seems to love playing with Dylan," Nicole adds, turning on her heel to walk away. Her head whips slowly over her shoulder. "She talks about him nonstop."
Olivia’s eyes freeze. "He’s a good kid," is all she can say. Nicole’s eyes see through her. Olivia realizes that she knows.
"Yeah," Nicole nods. "Yeah, that’s great for Charlie."
She can’t quite place Nicole’s sarcasm.
"Look," Olivia offers quickly. "A lot of people get divorced. When you’re young, you think things will always last forever, but sometimes they don’t, Nicole. Some things weren’t made to last a lifetime."
Nicole softens. "So that’s it then? It’s over?"
Olivia isn’t sure why she’s sharing this with the babysitter. She’ll run right back to Mark with this gossip, most likely. She can only guess that a part of her wants Mark to know.
"I don’t know." Her head’s empty and clouded all at once. To explain this out loud to Nicole, of all people, would be impossible. Mark’s perfect on paper. The problem, of course, lies within her. That’s how everyone will see it. "Don’t say anything to Charlie yet. She’s been through enough."
Nicole nods, eyes narrowing slightly. "Yeah," she agrees watching Olivia. "She’s been through enough."
Olivia bites down on her tongue as Nicole disappears back into the house and watches as the girl hugs Charlie, petting her daughter’s hair softly as they start the movie.
She turns back to her car hesitantly. She keeps biting until she tastes blood.
"Olivia."
His sense of shock seems to be more from her current condition than the fact that she’s standing outside of his doorway in the middle of the afternoon.
"Can I come in?"
It isn’t so much a question as an order, and he backs away to let her through.
Lloyd shuts the door behind her, turning to face her curiously.
"Is Dylan here?" she asks bluntly.
Lloyd shakes his head. "It’s a school day," he replies, eyes lit with amusement.
Olivia lowers her head, blonde hair cascading over her shoulders. "Oh, right," she remembers, laughing slightly. "We let Charlie stay home because of...." She doesn’t finish because he knows all about it. He’d been the person she called to calm her down while Charlie slept and Mark and the rest of the FBI conducted their search.
Lloyd nods, taking a step closer to her, his hand wrapping around her wrist. "How is she?"
Olivia pauses. "All right. She’s with Nicole." Olivia’s eyes slowly trail up from the carpet to meet his. "I have surgery in a few hours," she adds.
Lloyd squeezes her wrist before he lets his hand fall back to his side. "And how are you?"
His voice makes her want to cry. It’s the one question no one’s bothered to ask her yet. Even Mark had failed to worry about her.
She shrugs lightly. "It was just a really bad night." Her voice cracks and she tells herself she isn’t going to cry anymore.
When Lloyd hugs her, she snaps, crumbling to pieces in his arms. She can’t act around him. She can’t hold herself together or pretend to be someone she’s not.
He strokes her hair gently and she cries softly, burying her head into his shirt.
Lloyd kisses her forehead. She squeezes her eyes shut. Mark’s looking at her longingly and telling her it was really good to see her. Even then she’s pushing him away.
"It’s okay now," Lloyd tells her, using his thumb to brush her tears from her cheeks. She’s never felt so exposed in her life and for the first time, she’s not worried about letting her guard down. It’s the furthest thought from her mind.
"She could have been..." Olivia begins.
"But she’s wasn’t," Lloyd reminds her. His thumb brushes her jaw line softly. "You’re always so strong for everyone," he points out. "Who’s going to be strong for you?"
Her lips part as the words stumble out of his mouth and she’s thinking of Harvard and Boston and how this man would have never expected her to compromise her dreams for him. She’s picturing the two of them walking around Cambridge and she’s laughing as he tries to explain some physics theory to her and she’s giddy with her first experience in an actual operating room.
He brings her back to reality as his fingers brush over her lips. Her nails dig into his arms desperately.
"We shouldn’t," he tells her quietly, and she sees Mark holding a green jelly bean to her lips and she’s shaking her head because when she’s with her husband she feels like she’s cheating on a man she barely knows.
"I know," she agrees quickly. She’s aware of the dangers and the risk she’s taking. Maybe she should be stronger, but he’s right, she’s so tired of being so strong all the time. It’s breaking her apart.
His hand falls to her waist and she closes her eyes slowly, taking in the feeling of being with him. It’s different than when she’s with Mark. It’s more intimate. He knows her without trying to. She has nothing to explain or account for with him. Even when she’s a mess he’s looking at her like she’s the most remarkable creature he’s ever encountered.
"Olivia," he repeats and she knows he’s wondering if she’s okay. This can’t be healthy, she knows. Minutes before she was crying and an hour before that she was with Mark, feeling like she was on trial every time he looked at her.
"I don’t want to talk about it," she insists, bringing her lips to his roughly. She kisses him until she’s dizzy, until all of her guilt and shame and defenses disappear.
Lloyd pulls away first, pushing her off of him her body hitting the wall softly. His hands rest on either side of her shoulders, her breathing uneven and quick, and he’s sure to keep his distance.
"Are you sure?" he whispers slowly, restraining himself.
Olivia exhales loudly, hands wrapping around his neck. She nods her head yes. "No," she says quickly.
Lloyd’s hands cover hers, holding her against the wall, and she tenses. She’s ready to let go and forget everything, if only for a little while. She needs him to just touch her and let herself get lost in him, but he’s keeping her at arm’s length and she can’t figure out what she done wrong.
A moment later she’s struggling to break free of his grasp. "Let me go," she demands, embarrassed and humiliated. She’s never been this open before and to have him reject her stings more than she ever thought possible.
"Damn it," he mutters, throwing his hands down in surrender as he turns away from her. She takes a step towards him daringly, puzzled by his strange reaction.
"Lloyd," she says softly, her hand reaching for his arm.
He turns around quickly, his hands cupping her face instantly. "I’m trying to be a good guy here," he growls, eyes boring into her. "You’re not making this easy."
She freezes. For an instant, it’s as if time is suspended and she’s holding her breath, counting the seconds quietly to herself. She’s not running scared anymore and he’s not holding back any longer. For a moment, time stops and they’re both forced to realize the full weight of their decisions.
A few feet away, the ringing of the phone causes her to jump back, fingers pressed into the smooth wall behind her.
Lloyd’s eyes drift over to her cell phone, glowing from her purse. He leans down and picks it up, offering it to her. Neither mention the name on the caller ID. It’d be pointless to go there, anyway.
Olivia’s fingers press the red button, rejecting the call. Still, it’s not as if she can put her entire life on hold, so she checks the voice mail despite the protests in her head. Lloyd watches her.
"Hey," Mark’s voice begins, a sigh restrained in his throat. "I was just thinking and...everything with Charlie...I’m just...look I’m sorry. And I hope you’re okay. I never even asked you that. Are you? You can...you can talk to me if you need to. You can still talk to me."
His voice fades and the phone weighs heavily in her hand as she steadies herself against the wall. "Too little, too late," she whispers.
She expects to feel guilty, or sad at the very least.
Lloyd squeezes her shoulder and kisses the top of her head before disappearing into the kitchen.
She watches him go.
It strikes her that none of this feels wrong.