OC Fic : What Doesn't Kill Us (2/3)

[helen_c]

Title : What doesn't kill us…

Author : Helen C.

Rating : PG-13, I guess.

Summary : What Trey did is the one thing Ryan will never be able to forgive, the one thing he doesn't want to forgive

Comments

[cheekymice]

Oh Helen you make me want to gather the woobie up in my arms and tell him that he's 'not like his brother'.

Waiting with bated breath for the next instalment.

[helen_c]

Thanks, cheeky. Glad to know I make you want to hug the poor woobie... ;)

[katwoman76]

I know avoidance is a coping mechanism, but I really hope Ryan will stop it soon. *sigh*
This "later" is a pattern he really needs to break or he will never be able to face his daemons.

It's very in character for Ryan to fear that he might someday become just like his brother and all the men who made his childhood horrible.
But I DO believe that Ryan is different.
I just hope that he will see and believe that as well at some point.

This was a really intense chapter, helen.
Only one part left?
Looking forward to reading it.

[helen_c]

It's part avoidance, and part having kept it a secret for so long that he can't really imagine acting otherwise...

Thanks. :) I too think he's different. For one thing, he doesn't hit people who can't defend himself...

[mel39]

Dear me, that was heart rending. Poor Ryan. I, like Cheeky, just wanted to pick him up and hold him. I loved how you portray the post - almost rape - relationship between him and Marissa, a realistic one I think under the circumstances, and loved to see his yearning to receive the same comfort. Oh I do hope the end of the show doesn't mean the end of fics like this.

[helen_c]

Thanks, mel! (I'm blushing, here).

Glad you think this is realistic--I wrote it before season 3 started, believe it or not...

[yessi_5]

Oh, this is so good! Somehow I must have missed part one, but reading the two parts together probably couldn't hurt.

It's a very gripping characterization of Ryan - knowing that he actually can trust the Cohens, but not able to bring himself to talking to them, because it never seems to be the right time, because he's not ready, because he can't control the aftermath, because whatever his mind can come up with.

He almost wishes they'd push, but they don't.I loved this line. I like that the Cohens didn't push him in the beginning, but they kind of missed the point, where they should have started asking questions. They should know Ryan by now, and that he has so much on his mind that needs to be shared, but that he will never do that, because he doesn't want to bother people, since he's not important enough

[helen_c]

No, he can't. Poor woobie.

Yes, the Cohens probably missed the point where they could have asked him questions (and frankly, they never got comfortable enough to actually ask, did they?)

Thanks, yessi!

[60schic]

As I was first reading I was thinking "Woman---you have to stop alluding to *it* and tell us *what*!" But then I saw that it doesn't matter so much (well, Trey's part in the betrayal does matter) It's the war going on within Ryan that does. And you have written it beautifully. This seems to sum it up for me:

And it's not like there haven't been opportunities in the past to tell them, "This happened to me, and most of the time it's not that bad to deal with, but when it's bad, it's fucking unmanageable, and I don't know what to do, and can you help me?"

...along with what followed, that he knows it's not ok, that's he's not okay, that he isn't ready to talk about it, knowing in his brain that it is affecting all of his relationships and nothing will be right until it comes out, but then he thinks:

God knows Ryan himself never thinks much about it-he actually spent years knowing it had happened, but not feeling the weight of it. He had thought, he had hoped, that it meant that he was over it.Are you really wrapping this up in one

[helen_c]

It's the war going on within Ryan that does.
I hadn't thought about it this way, but maybe you're right. And it is a war...

Are you really wrapping this up in one more chapter?
Yup. This story is the kind of story that just writes itself, and once it's done, refuses to be changed, shortened or extended in any way. ::shrugs:: Still not sure I like it, but I'm done fighting it.

Hm... How is our fresh air kid doing, these days? ::she asks anxiously::

[60schic]

Well then, I anxiously await the ending to this fic.

I have the next chapter of FA 3/4 written. It's those pesky lead in to scenes that are giving me trouble. I like getting right to the meat of a scene and don't do well tying them all together. A few more transitional paragraphs and I may have it. Thank you for asking. It is *pokes* like yours that keep me going, letting me know readers are still interested.

[helen_c]

I hear you and concur. I hate transitional paragraphs as well--which is why short stories are always so much fun to write. I'll be waiting then! Can't wait, actually. :)