BSG Fic: Consequences (2/2)
Title : Consequences
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Lee Adama was pissed off.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this!
Part Two
Dee sat next to Lee's bed, watching him sleep.
Déjà vu all over again.
It was like she was back in those nightmarish days when Billy's death hadn't sunk in yet, when it caused only a foggy, distant pain instead of the sharp pangs that followed and lasted to this day.
She remembered the few hours when it wasn't certain that Lee would survive the surgery to patch the wound.
It wasn't so bad this time.
At least they didn't fear for his life today.
She was, however, wondering how much more he could take-assuming what had happened wasn't too much for him already.
I'm sorry, Kara.
She had never told him she had heard him utter what sounded too much like a goodbye, and he had never asked.
He suspected, she knew he suspected, and it looked like it was one of those things they were just never going to talk about.
She hesitantly allowed her fingers to touch his arm, not lingering for fear of waking him up.
A discreet cough made her jerk her hand back and turn around.
The Admiral was standing behind her, his eyes soft.
She felt her cheeks burn. "Sir," she said, getting to her feet.
He gestured for her to sit back down. "At ease." He studied his son for a moment, finally asking, "Has he woken up yet?"
"No, Sir. Cottle-"
"I saw Cottle. He says the man didn't do too much damage."
He did enough, Dee thought, remembering the dead silence that had fallen on the CIC once they had all understood what was happening.
Tigh had motioned for her to only allow the communication to reach his and the Admiral's stations, so that no one else could hear what was going on (a small gesture to protect both Adamas privacy, the only thing he could do to help them), but Ana had also listened in.
The Admiral had gone stone faced as soon as he had understood what was going to happen, only allowing himself a brief, grim smile when Lee had said, "Frak you." She had been watching him when Lee's scream had sounded over the line, distorted and harsh.
She hoped she would never see him like that again.
"Dualla?" the Admiral said, bringing her back to the present.
She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, sir."
He sat down on the other side of the bed, facing her, and absently patted Lee's hand before leaning back in his seat. "Thanks for staying with him."
She looked up. "No problem." She just hoped he wasn't going to order her out.
He didn't. "I appreciate it. I'm sure he does too."
She met his eyes, saw the approval there, and nodded to herself. This was probably the closest he would ever come to telling her that he didn't see any objection to them having a closer relationship but it was enough for her.
They fell silent, the quiet in the room broken only by the regular beeping of the monitor, and Dee's thoughts turned again to these horrible two hours spent waiting for the S&R operation to call back with news on Lee.
She remembered the man's taunting, his reasons for doing it-yet another grieving human who lost all sense of perspective. Damn them anyway!
And damn her, for being so tired that she had made a mistake that had ended up costing 1,300 human lives.
"I'm sorry," she said, surprised when she realized she had spoken out loud.
The Admiral looked at her as if he had been expecting it. "Why?"
She almost dismissed it, but he deserved to hear it. As did Lee. "If I hadn't lost the carrier…"
"This isn't your fault." The Admiral's tone was as grim as she had ever heard him. "If you want to blame someone, blame that man's faulty coping mechanisms."
That was a cold way to look at it, but before Dee could reply, Lee threw in, "Or the toasters who invaded and kicked our asses, or the pilot who blew up the damn carrier, or that woman for holding us hostage and, apparently, starting a trend..."
She made a sound that was half-chuckle, half-sob. "Sorry," she repeated.
Lee shifted in bed, grimacing slightly. "He's right, you know," he said, motioning to his father. He smiled self-consciously. "I don't say it often."
Dee nodded seriously. "I know. It's just… I screwed up, and-"
Lee sighed and looked at his father again. The Admiral went to his feet. "I'm needed back in CIC." He squeezed Lee's hand on his way out, and Lee smiled briefly. He already looked exhausted and she wanted to tell him not to bother, to get some rest and not try to comfort her, but he didn't give her time.
"We were all exhausted, and none of us were at our best, that day."
She opened her mouth to point out that no one had made that big a mistake but again, he talked first.
"You may have noticed that I have no problem disobeying orders I'm strongly opposed to," he said with a smile that was self-conscious and strangely boyish.
She didn't dare smile.
"I'm the one who blew up the carrier," Lee said. "And I'm still not convinced it wasn't a mistake, but at the time, I just didn't see any other way out. No one did-not even more experienced officers or the President." His voice was hoarse and it was obvious he was about to fall asleep again, but he still found the strength to add, "Frankly, if the Olympic Carrier had destroyed other ships, I'd have a harder time living with it than with what I did."
She nodded, thinking that it wasn't the same, that he had been put in this situation because of her and that if she had been more careful, he wouldn't have had to make that call.
His sentences growing shorter and his voice weaker, he went on, "The President talked to me about it, afterwards. Said that President Adar kept a list of mistakes he had done. Kept it in a drawer in his office. She said he looked at it sometimes. Tried to remember not to make them again. She showed me the list she had started." He reached out to her, taking her hand. "I started my own list that day."
It seemed like an awfully private thing to admit to her, but she knew why he was doing it, and she held on tighter to his hand, grateful. "Does it help?"
"No." He frowned, than added, almost reluctantly, "Yes."
She nodded as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.
*
When Bill entered sickbay later that day, Cottle was adjusting the IV in his Lee's hand.
Lee was almost as pale as he was after he had gotten shot, but he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. "How is he doing?" he asked.
"Fine, considering. We have to give him some pretty strong pain meds, but that's not surprising."
Adama managed to keep his face neutral.
He had always known that having his son under his orders was going to be difficult.
He had never expected it to be as difficult as it had been in the last few weeks, though. Almost losing Lee three times in short succession made him feel older and more tired than he was-made him want to give up and stop caring.
But he had left his family once and Lee hadn't forgiven him for that yet. Maybe he never would.
He wouldn't get any other chances to make things right.
"When will you release him?" he asked as Cottle was leaving.
"Ten days. Maybe a little less, depending on how he does." Bill couldn't keep his surprise from showing-on a battlestar, in the middle of a war, the policy was usually to send people on their way as soon as they could keep standing long enough.
Cottle raised his hands. "What did you expect? He was recovering from a near-fatal gunshot wound, and now he's gotten himself tortured before that had healed. It was traumatic, and bodies, Admiral, take time to recover from traumas."
Bill nodded, but privately wished good luck to the doctor. Lee wasn't going to take the news that he was stuck here for so long very well.
He sat down next to the bed as Cottle was leaving, startling when Lee said, "I don't supposed that ten days thing is negotiable."
Bill chuckled. "Feel free to take it up to Cottle. At your own risk."
Lee smiled. Bill nodded with relief that he looked less drained than the last time he had seen him.
Lee's voice was thick and hesitant when he spoke next, betraying the influence of the painkillers. "Can I ask you something and chalk it up to the drugs?" He was smiling, but Bill could tell it was mostly for show.
Keeping his own tone light, he nodded. "Go ahead. We'll pretend you were stoned."
"I am stoned," Lee replied. He frowned and rubbed his eyes, as if gathering his thoughts. "There were survivors on Caprica," he said at last.
"Yes," Bill said, allowing Lee time to put his thoughts in order.
"Did you ever think about going back? Checking to see if mom was really dead, or if maybe she had survived?"
The implication that his son had thought about it (and probably more than once, if he knew Lee at all) wasn't surprising. Bill was just surprised that it had taken so long for Lee to have this discussion.
"Yes, I did." His reply didn't seem to surprise Lee. "I would have if it had been just me. But..."
"There was the Fleet to worry about," Lee said.
Bill shook his head. "And you." Mostly Lee, if he was honest with himself. He was a Commander, had been a soldier and an officer for so long that he had forgotten how to be anything else, but now that Lee was back into his life, he also remembered what it was like to be a father. He didn't think he would sacrifice the whole Fleet to save his son, but it would be touch and go, and Saul would probably have to kick his ass a little to get him to make the right decision.
For half a second, he expected Lee to ask whether he would have gone back, if Lee had still been on Caprica.
The question didn't come, to his relief.
Maybe they were, at last, past that stage.
He and his son had always found ways to bring out the worst in each other-so much anger between them, so much resentment on Lee's part, and yes, Bill had to admit that he found it damn near impossible to figure out his son.
But he hoped that by now, they had at least reached the point where they believed that the other wouldn't just up and leave without a fight.
Lee was starting to struggle to stay awake, and Bill slowly got to his feet.
"Thanks for coming," Lee said drowsily.
Bill turned back to him, but his son seemed unconscious again. "You're welcome," he said anyway. "You're welcome."
end
Author : Helen C.
Rating : PG-13
Summary : Lee Adama was pissed off.
Disclaimer : The characters and the universe were created and are owned by Ronald D. Moore and Universal Television Studios to name but a few. No money is being made. No copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
AN. Many thanks to joey51 for beta'ing this!
Part Two
Dee sat next to Lee's bed, watching him sleep.
Déjà vu all over again.
It was like she was back in those nightmarish days when Billy's death hadn't sunk in yet, when it caused only a foggy, distant pain instead of the sharp pangs that followed and lasted to this day.
She remembered the few hours when it wasn't certain that Lee would survive the surgery to patch the wound.
It wasn't so bad this time.
At least they didn't fear for his life today.
She was, however, wondering how much more he could take-assuming what had happened wasn't too much for him already.
I'm sorry, Kara.
She had never told him she had heard him utter what sounded too much like a goodbye, and he had never asked.
He suspected, she knew he suspected, and it looked like it was one of those things they were just never going to talk about.
She hesitantly allowed her fingers to touch his arm, not lingering for fear of waking him up.
A discreet cough made her jerk her hand back and turn around.
The Admiral was standing behind her, his eyes soft.
She felt her cheeks burn. "Sir," she said, getting to her feet.
He gestured for her to sit back down. "At ease." He studied his son for a moment, finally asking, "Has he woken up yet?"
"No, Sir. Cottle-"
"I saw Cottle. He says the man didn't do too much damage."
He did enough, Dee thought, remembering the dead silence that had fallen on the CIC once they had all understood what was happening.
Tigh had motioned for her to only allow the communication to reach his and the Admiral's stations, so that no one else could hear what was going on (a small gesture to protect both Adamas privacy, the only thing he could do to help them), but Ana had also listened in.
The Admiral had gone stone faced as soon as he had understood what was going to happen, only allowing himself a brief, grim smile when Lee had said, "Frak you." She had been watching him when Lee's scream had sounded over the line, distorted and harsh.
She hoped she would never see him like that again.
"Dualla?" the Admiral said, bringing her back to the present.
She smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, sir."
He sat down on the other side of the bed, facing her, and absently patted Lee's hand before leaning back in his seat. "Thanks for staying with him."
She looked up. "No problem." She just hoped he wasn't going to order her out.
He didn't. "I appreciate it. I'm sure he does too."
She met his eyes, saw the approval there, and nodded to herself. This was probably the closest he would ever come to telling her that he didn't see any objection to them having a closer relationship but it was enough for her.
They fell silent, the quiet in the room broken only by the regular beeping of the monitor, and Dee's thoughts turned again to these horrible two hours spent waiting for the S&R operation to call back with news on Lee.
She remembered the man's taunting, his reasons for doing it-yet another grieving human who lost all sense of perspective. Damn them anyway!
And damn her, for being so tired that she had made a mistake that had ended up costing 1,300 human lives.
"I'm sorry," she said, surprised when she realized she had spoken out loud.
The Admiral looked at her as if he had been expecting it. "Why?"
She almost dismissed it, but he deserved to hear it. As did Lee. "If I hadn't lost the carrier…"
"This isn't your fault." The Admiral's tone was as grim as she had ever heard him. "If you want to blame someone, blame that man's faulty coping mechanisms."
That was a cold way to look at it, but before Dee could reply, Lee threw in, "Or the toasters who invaded and kicked our asses, or the pilot who blew up the damn carrier, or that woman for holding us hostage and, apparently, starting a trend..."
She made a sound that was half-chuckle, half-sob. "Sorry," she repeated.
Lee shifted in bed, grimacing slightly. "He's right, you know," he said, motioning to his father. He smiled self-consciously. "I don't say it often."
Dee nodded seriously. "I know. It's just… I screwed up, and-"
Lee sighed and looked at his father again. The Admiral went to his feet. "I'm needed back in CIC." He squeezed Lee's hand on his way out, and Lee smiled briefly. He already looked exhausted and she wanted to tell him not to bother, to get some rest and not try to comfort her, but he didn't give her time.
"We were all exhausted, and none of us were at our best, that day."
She opened her mouth to point out that no one had made that big a mistake but again, he talked first.
"You may have noticed that I have no problem disobeying orders I'm strongly opposed to," he said with a smile that was self-conscious and strangely boyish.
She didn't dare smile.
"I'm the one who blew up the carrier," Lee said. "And I'm still not convinced it wasn't a mistake, but at the time, I just didn't see any other way out. No one did-not even more experienced officers or the President." His voice was hoarse and it was obvious he was about to fall asleep again, but he still found the strength to add, "Frankly, if the Olympic Carrier had destroyed other ships, I'd have a harder time living with it than with what I did."
She nodded, thinking that it wasn't the same, that he had been put in this situation because of her and that if she had been more careful, he wouldn't have had to make that call.
His sentences growing shorter and his voice weaker, he went on, "The President talked to me about it, afterwards. Said that President Adar kept a list of mistakes he had done. Kept it in a drawer in his office. She said he looked at it sometimes. Tried to remember not to make them again. She showed me the list she had started." He reached out to her, taking her hand. "I started my own list that day."
It seemed like an awfully private thing to admit to her, but she knew why he was doing it, and she held on tighter to his hand, grateful. "Does it help?"
"No." He frowned, than added, almost reluctantly, "Yes."
She nodded as his eyes closed and his breathing evened out.
*
When Bill entered sickbay later that day, Cottle was adjusting the IV in his Lee's hand.
Lee was almost as pale as he was after he had gotten shot, but he seemed to be sleeping peacefully. "How is he doing?" he asked.
"Fine, considering. We have to give him some pretty strong pain meds, but that's not surprising."
Adama managed to keep his face neutral.
He had always known that having his son under his orders was going to be difficult.
He had never expected it to be as difficult as it had been in the last few weeks, though. Almost losing Lee three times in short succession made him feel older and more tired than he was-made him want to give up and stop caring.
But he had left his family once and Lee hadn't forgiven him for that yet. Maybe he never would.
He wouldn't get any other chances to make things right.
"When will you release him?" he asked as Cottle was leaving.
"Ten days. Maybe a little less, depending on how he does." Bill couldn't keep his surprise from showing-on a battlestar, in the middle of a war, the policy was usually to send people on their way as soon as they could keep standing long enough.
Cottle raised his hands. "What did you expect? He was recovering from a near-fatal gunshot wound, and now he's gotten himself tortured before that had healed. It was traumatic, and bodies, Admiral, take time to recover from traumas."
Bill nodded, but privately wished good luck to the doctor. Lee wasn't going to take the news that he was stuck here for so long very well.
He sat down next to the bed as Cottle was leaving, startling when Lee said, "I don't supposed that ten days thing is negotiable."
Bill chuckled. "Feel free to take it up to Cottle. At your own risk."
Lee smiled. Bill nodded with relief that he looked less drained than the last time he had seen him.
Lee's voice was thick and hesitant when he spoke next, betraying the influence of the painkillers. "Can I ask you something and chalk it up to the drugs?" He was smiling, but Bill could tell it was mostly for show.
Keeping his own tone light, he nodded. "Go ahead. We'll pretend you were stoned."
"I am stoned," Lee replied. He frowned and rubbed his eyes, as if gathering his thoughts. "There were survivors on Caprica," he said at last.
"Yes," Bill said, allowing Lee time to put his thoughts in order.
"Did you ever think about going back? Checking to see if mom was really dead, or if maybe she had survived?"
The implication that his son had thought about it (and probably more than once, if he knew Lee at all) wasn't surprising. Bill was just surprised that it had taken so long for Lee to have this discussion.
"Yes, I did." His reply didn't seem to surprise Lee. "I would have if it had been just me. But..."
"There was the Fleet to worry about," Lee said.
Bill shook his head. "And you." Mostly Lee, if he was honest with himself. He was a Commander, had been a soldier and an officer for so long that he had forgotten how to be anything else, but now that Lee was back into his life, he also remembered what it was like to be a father. He didn't think he would sacrifice the whole Fleet to save his son, but it would be touch and go, and Saul would probably have to kick his ass a little to get him to make the right decision.
For half a second, he expected Lee to ask whether he would have gone back, if Lee had still been on Caprica.
The question didn't come, to his relief.
Maybe they were, at last, past that stage.
He and his son had always found ways to bring out the worst in each other-so much anger between them, so much resentment on Lee's part, and yes, Bill had to admit that he found it damn near impossible to figure out his son.
But he hoped that by now, they had at least reached the point where they believed that the other wouldn't just up and leave without a fight.
Lee was starting to struggle to stay awake, and Bill slowly got to his feet.
"Thanks for coming," Lee said drowsily.
Bill turned back to him, but his son seemed unconscious again. "You're welcome," he said anyway. "You're welcome."
end