Let's Make a Baby
title taken from Bette Porter's breathy request at the start of the L word, season 1. the rest has nothing at all to do with the L word.
This is a Swan Queen/Once Upon a Time story, in which Regina uses magic to make Emma have 'boy' parts and then other stuff happens. If you don't like suggestions of 'boy' parts happening in your saphic fantasy stories, give this one a pass!
Also, this was written in response to two fic requests from some folks over at tumblr. Emma and Regina have a teen daughter, and Emma gets Regina preggers!
It is a cloudy and cold day, and Emma is impossibly bored at work. One runaway iguana does not a career make. So Emma calls Regina.
“I’ll see you at home.” Regina says in reply and hangs up abruptly. A quick phone call confirms that Henry’s afterschool tutoring will be followed by dinner with his grandparents.
Awesome. They have the place to themselves.
The house has that mid-afternoon stagnant feel, but Regina cares less about opening windows and flinging back curtains, than she does about dragging Emma upstairs.
“I was thinking about this all morning.” Regina gasps as she throws herself back on their bed and positions Emma between her thighs. Regina pauses to remove her panties (which, really, why does she even bother, Emma often wonders considering how many pairs she has personally destroyed) and hikes her skirt up. Then they both think better of even that plan, and pull away temporarily to undress, flinging their clothes around the room, before resuming the position they had been in. Regina’s thighs are spread and she looks ready to be fucked on the spot. Emma tries to slow things down a little.
“Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?” Emma grins against Regina’s lips. Regina sometimes got really kinky ideas when she was bored at work. They ended up doing it in the town park one evening because Regina couldn’t get over the thought of being eaten out in public beneath the moonlight.
“This.” Regina moans and grinds herself against Emma, latching her heels behind Emma’s thighs.
“What’s uhhh…that?” Emma asks curiously peering down between her own legs. “What have you done?” She stares in dawning realization-and then horror. “Isn’t the strap-on good enough? Jesus fucking...Jesus, Regina!”
Regina shrugs and smoothes her hands over Emma’s arms. “It’s easier and quicker this way. Think of it as an early Christmas present.” She spreads her legs as far as she can and watches Emma’s eyes flit back and forth between her exposed pussy and the-whatever they want to call it-between them.
“I didn’t ask for a penis for Christmas.” Is Emma’s blasé reply. Regina laughs and kisses her. “Besides,” Emma mutters between swipes of Regina’s lips. “Get rid of those things you added. Ugh. My least favorite thing about sex with men…”
“Those things…as you call them…are necessary if you’re to come inside of me the way I want you to.” Regina grits her teeth, hating it when Emma brings up the past.
“No,” Emma shakes her head insistently. “Get. Rid. Of. Those. I can ejaculate all over you and all up in you, without those. Get rid of them. And I’m calling it a penis. I’m not calling it a cock or a dick, and I’m not slapping you across the face with it and…You know what? For that matter, I’m calling it my inside-out vagina…”
“How about your expandable clit?” Regina suggests, already laughing at Emma’s stupid porno ideas about heterosexual sex. She scowls suddenly, wondering if Emma is into all of that with men.
Emma shakes her head and kisses Regina soundly. “Hey,” She mutters against Regina’s jawline, “I’m horribly vanilla. Especially with men. I save the kinky stuff for you, all right? You’re the only person I’d ever joke about smacking with my fake pen…expandable clit…”
Regina sighs and relaxes, winding her arms around Emma’s neck. “Enough.” Regina says. “You’re ruining the mood.” It was a bad idea, apparently. Regina still isn’t sure why she couldn’t get it out of her mind. If she moves her hips though, she can make Emma’s appendage brush against her.
“Ummmm…” They both stare now. “Well. Interesting. I guess.” Emma mutters, moving her hips so that the tip of her brushes over Regina’s labia again. Emma moans, “Oh wow, really interesting. Ugh. But…” Emma shifts her hips away so that she might make things actually last and adds suddenly, “Make it bigger.” She looks between them again, feels herself twitch and harden, and wonders how she might keep from ending things too soon.
“No!” Regina hunches her hips and tries to calm herself as well. “That is the perfect size for me.” Her clit feels like it might have a mind of its own. Regina feels herself twitch as well. She presses her ass to the bed and breaths deeply. Emma mimics her breathing and they kiss again. Emma seems utterly distracted by her new body part and keeps looking down.
“I’m no size queen babe, but I’m not exactly well endowed here. It’s embarrassing.” Emma looks down again. “I’ve been with much, much bigger…”
Regina clamps a hand on Emma’s mouth and glares. They both have a jealous streak a mile wide. Regina’s is especially terrible.
“Sorry.” Emma can barely be heard saying. Regina’s hand stays clamped on her mouth even as she reaches between them and slips Emma inside of her, squeezing and letting go rhythmically. For a few seconds, only the whites of Emma’s eyes can be seen, while Regina engulfs her and holds still.
Their breathing evens out and then Emma starts to move.
A minute later, Emma has a towel in hand and is apologizing like crazy while she wipes the soft skin of Regina’s thighs.
Regina touches with the tips of her fingers and takes a taste.
“No, what?” Emma gasps, but doesn’t pull Regina’s hand away in time.
“It tastes like you.” Regina licks her fingers again, a dreamy expression on her face. “It tastes like you always taste. Hmmmm…” She pulled Emma down on top of her and wraps her legs around her waist again.
Sometime around sunset, Emma gets the hang of things. She fucks Regina slowly, pulling in and out of her while Regina lays on her stomach and spreads her legs as far as she can.
“Come now.” Regina whispers, smiling as she feels Emma speed up her movements and tremble inside of her. She reaches back to tangle her fingers in blonde, sweaty hair, and pulled Emma back down for a kiss.
“Ok, so…now can I have my vadge back?” Emma asks, trying not to let herself rub against Regina’s swaying ass.
“We’ll see.” Regina hums and rolls away, grabbing Emma between the legs. “I like this for some reason. Just for today.” She jumps off the bed and laughs as Emma follows her to the bathroom.
“I want my vagina back. Now. Give me back my magical, magical vadge.” Emma fumes, climbing into the shower behind Regina. Right on schedule though, Emma’s anatomy betrays her and she finds herself poking right into Regina’s right bum cheek.
Regina turns swiftly, latches her mouth to Emma’s, and holds on while Emma hitches one of Regina’s legs up and over her hip. Emma slides easily into Regina, rocking her hips in slow, small circles.
“Oh, ugh…omigod…” Emma can’t stop talking and processing through all of it. “If I imagine doing this with my actual clit, it’s really fucking hot. Like…omgiod…” Emma thrusts quickly back and forth and then takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Like…what if I could g-spot ejaculate all over you, like all the time, really easily. Fuck, I’d come all over your face every chance I got…”
“Less talking, more fucking.” Regina laughs, reaching back with one hand to spread herself further. “And nobody comes on my face…” She sounds suddenly doubtful though.
Emma stops moving and stares at Regina’s lips. “No? Are you sure?” She shifts so that she’s sunk into Regina fully and lets herself enjoy the feeling of their hip bones touching.
“Ummm…” Regina squirms. Their bellies slap together as she moves back and then takes Emma inside of herself fully again. “Maybe.” Her eyes narrow. “If I can do the same.” Her foot is tired from holding up most of her weight and she considers asking if they might move this to the bed, but suddenly Emma seems to realize what Regina is suggesting.
She kind of mutters, says “ugh” and starts to thrust herself inside of Regina, feeling the muscles in Regina’s cunt as they pull her deeper and pulsate all around her sex. Emma starts to fuck Regina harder and faster, her eyes rolling back at the thought. “You should…you should totally…come all over me…” Emma gasps. “Oh god, that’s so hot…”
As Emma’s hips thrust, Regina shouts against Emma’s neck. She pushes down hard, rotating her hips and grinding herself against Emma’s pubic bone. Regina concentrates on letting go. “Ok…Now…” She yells hoarsely.
The water has grown lukewarm as Emma kneels, quickly sliding her fingers into Regina’s pussy. She curls her fingers, quick and hard, finding that swollen rough spot, and sticks out her tongue for Regina to watch.
Regina screams as she begins to come, shaking and clinging onto Emma’s head as she squirts over Emma’s tongue and chin.
As Regina falls to her knees, Emma catches her and laughs when water gets up her nose and she has to sputter and spray it out again.
“Oh.” Regina says, looking between Emma’s thighs. “Our friend seems to be gone. My spell must have had a different time limit than I thought. Did you come?”
“Yeah, I did. Sorry, I didn’t let you know. That’s ok though, right?” Emma babbles cheerfully as Regina kisses her neck. “I can’t like…you know…get you pregnant or anything.” Emma wipes her eyes as water sprays into them and snickers again. “I think I came inside of you five or six times tonite. The rest is on the towels.”
Regina feels something flutter inside her and suddenly gets a sinking, terrified feeling.
“Ummm…’Gina?” Emma’s eyes grow wide. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Regina just rests her cheek on Emma’s shoulder and closes her eyes tightly.
They spend weeks and weeks walking on eggshells before Regina, in an effort to reduce her stress, decides that she can’t possibly be pregnant.
“You need a ‘Y’ chromosome and my dear, you don’t have one of those.” Regina decides, three months later.
“Women are ‘XX’ babe.” Emma squeezes Regina’s shoulder tightly and sits closer to her. “I do have two of those to contribute.” They watch Titanic without the sound on and try not to admit to the fact that Regina has been eating really strange foods for days and her breasts are tender and she can’t stop crying when they see babies around town and she suddenly wants to redecorate the entire house and hole up with Emma every night watching stupid movies instead of working and…
…and…
Emma is the one to buy the pregnancy test and the pharmacist sneezes on her in surprise and shock. So Emma smiles benignly and fetches three more tests so that she won’t have to repeat this embarrassing fucking trip.
Sixteen years later…
“I hate you both and I’m going to go live with Snow White!”
The angry voice of a teenage girl, echoes through the front foyer of Emma and Regina’s house. Regina looks like she might cry; Emma’s lips turn white and thin with anger.
“I’ll call your grandmother then, and see what she thinks.” Emma speaks with a frightening sort of smile. “I’m sure she’ll love hearing about how you were caught smoking pot with Cinderella’s son. Alone. In the backseat of his car. With your shirt off.” Every word is punctuated by a step forward. Cinderella’s son is a nice kid, but dumb as a bag of nails. And if that dumbass gets her daughter pregnant, Emma is pretty sure she’ll have to kill him.
Leah-Marie Mills was just told, the year before, that her origins are the result of magic. She has been acting out ever since. As one mother glares at her, and her other mother swipes at an errant tear, Leah stomps her foot and flings herself into the arms of the more sympathetic of the pair. By the time they are both done crying, Emma has made dinner and is waiting for them in the kitchen.
Henry has his own place and works as a science teacher at the high school. He is obsessed with time travel and geometrics and thermodynamics and whenever he has his sister stay with him at his apartment, she comes back to the house with a random new technology designed to utilize energy at archeological sites in order to change the movement of time. Once, she returned with a flight device much like a jet pack, which Emma promptly returned to Henry.
“Sorry about what I said.” Leah mutters into her peas.
“That’s ok.” Emma mutters into her potatoes.
“No, I mean, I’m sorry I said I wish you guys had just gone to a fucking sperm bank like every other dyke couple.” Leah elaborates on a shouting fight they had had a week previous. “And I’m sorry I said ‘fucking’,” she adds quickly, “And dyke,” she says and then starts crying again and this time throws herself into Emma’s arms.
“Uhhhh. Ok.” Emma pats the kid’s back and makes her take a deep breath when her crying turns to sobs and she can’t talk anymore.
“And…huh…I…don’t…huh…wanna…date…that…dumbass…any…more…” Leah sobs, her chest hitching violently.
“Well then, sweetheart, you’ll have to let him down gently.” Regina has regained her calm, now that Emma and Leah are on good terms again. She daintily takes a bite of the chicken stir fry that Emma had made for just the two of them. Leah is a self-proclaimed vegetarian and has been since she was 4 years old. “Shall we stay in and watch a movie tonite?”
Leah nods and wipes her nose on Emma’s shirt. It’s an old joke. Emma messes up her perfectly coifed (bleached) blonde hair in retaliation.
“After I break up with idiot.” Leah swipes at brown eyes so much like Regina’s. “Can we call Snow?”
“Ok.” Regina concedes. Her children both have unexpectedly deep bonds with their grandmother.
“Uhhh…and, you won’t tell her, right?” Leah tugs her green hoodie down over her wrists, just like Regina does with her own clothes when she’s ill at ease.
Regina and Emma exchange a look.
“For now.” Emma decides, “but listen, kid, you’ve been off the deep end for months now. We just want to help you. And if telling Snow…”
“All right, all right, I get it.” Leah interrupts. “I’m a mess. I’m sorting it out. Sorry.” She pauses. “It’s nice, in a way, you know?”
“What is?” Emma asks.
“Well, like, you’re my mom and my mom and my dad.” Leah shrugs. “So that’s cool.”
Emma misses the significance of one of the ‘ands’ but it hurts her head to worry much anyway.
Snow, James and Henry come over an hour later, and the bunch of them jam themselves into the living room to watch the latest of Leah’s pirated holographic movie displays. Emma keeps asking her to stop downloading shit for free, but Leah insists that she’s part of the global effort to destroy capitalism once and for all.
“Batwoman Begins.” Henry claps excitedly as the title displays on the wall. “It only took them sixteen years to make the film!” Of course he and Leah talk all through the movie, deciding which parts are realistic and which are not. It doesn’t take long for the over-30s to wander into the kitchen in search of wine.
“What the hell is going on.” Snow cuts right to the chase. “Cinderella called me. She said you threatened to tie concrete blocks to her son’s ankles and then make him swim laps.” Snow pauses when James starts to giggle. “She’s sure he deserved it, but wants to know what happened.”
Emma explains everything, in hushed tones. James nods at the end of the story and smacks his daughter on the arm.
“Job well done.” James exclaims. “I think I might go and issue that swim challenge to the kid myself.”
Regina rolls her eyes and answers drolly, “Considering that he cried on the phone like an infant after she broke up with him, I think he might jump at the chance. Leave the poor boy alone. Besides, Leah made as many stupid decisions as he did. You don’t see Cinderella threatening her.”
Before James and Emma can interject with their confused sputtering, Snow says, “We’re taking her for the weekend.” She glances sideways at Regina who shrugs and holds her hands out.
“Sure.” Regina agrees. “She likes us again, so we’re ok with a bit of time apart. Take her into the woods and show her something useful. Like fishing. Or chopping wood. Make her chop all the wood.” Regina smirks. “That’s what my father did when I hit puberty. He gave me chores. Many, many solitary chores. It almost worked.”
Snow pales at that and frowns.
“Anyhow.” Regina adds, “Take her. Like I said…”
“She likes you again.” James says quietly. “So what do you mean by that? Did something happen?”
“You know what, we don’t need to worry about it.” Snow jumps in. She has gone from pale to bright red rather quickly. Emma follows suit. Regina stares at mother and daughter with a horrified look on her face.
“You told her.” Regina hisses.
“She figured it out years ago!” Emma says, flustered. She chugs her wine and pours some more.
“What?” James asks politely.
“Nothing!” All three women turn on him and he grows quiet.
“Weird.” James mutters. “You’re all really, really weird. I’m going to spend time with my grandchildren. You can stay in here and be odd.”
“I’ll go with you. We’ll talk to the kids together.” Snow pats him on the arm and they go back to the family room.
“So.” Emma swirls her wine in her glass and bats her eyes at Regina.
“So?” Regina returns the strange look with an inquisitive glance.
“what do you want to do with the house all to ourselves?” Emma asks.
“Clean. Eat food. And then have sex, of course.” Regina states blandly. She blinks as Emma snickers. “Also, I was thinking…”
“Thinking…Not good. What?” Emma grows suspicious and takes a big gulp of wine.
“About, you know. What we did. Sixteen years ago…” Regina’s is coy as she brushes the back of her hand over Emma’s cheek. “We haven’t since. It obviously happened for a reason, but perhaps this time we could try…other things…”
“Nuh uh.” Emma whispers. “No way.”
“We’ll see.” Regina chuckles, leans forward, and kisses Emma softly. “We’ll see.” She smirks and closes her eyes happily as Emma buries her blushing face against her neck.
This is a Swan Queen/Once Upon a Time story, in which Regina uses magic to make Emma have 'boy' parts and then other stuff happens. If you don't like suggestions of 'boy' parts happening in your saphic fantasy stories, give this one a pass!
Also, this was written in response to two fic requests from some folks over at tumblr. Emma and Regina have a teen daughter, and Emma gets Regina preggers!
It is a cloudy and cold day, and Emma is impossibly bored at work. One runaway iguana does not a career make. So Emma calls Regina.
“I’ll see you at home.” Regina says in reply and hangs up abruptly. A quick phone call confirms that Henry’s afterschool tutoring will be followed by dinner with his grandparents.
Awesome. They have the place to themselves.
The house has that mid-afternoon stagnant feel, but Regina cares less about opening windows and flinging back curtains, than she does about dragging Emma upstairs.
“I was thinking about this all morning.” Regina gasps as she throws herself back on their bed and positions Emma between her thighs. Regina pauses to remove her panties (which, really, why does she even bother, Emma often wonders considering how many pairs she has personally destroyed) and hikes her skirt up. Then they both think better of even that plan, and pull away temporarily to undress, flinging their clothes around the room, before resuming the position they had been in. Regina’s thighs are spread and she looks ready to be fucked on the spot. Emma tries to slow things down a little.
“Oh yeah? What were you thinking about?” Emma grins against Regina’s lips. Regina sometimes got really kinky ideas when she was bored at work. They ended up doing it in the town park one evening because Regina couldn’t get over the thought of being eaten out in public beneath the moonlight.
“This.” Regina moans and grinds herself against Emma, latching her heels behind Emma’s thighs.
“What’s uhhh…that?” Emma asks curiously peering down between her own legs. “What have you done?” She stares in dawning realization-and then horror. “Isn’t the strap-on good enough? Jesus fucking...Jesus, Regina!”
Regina shrugs and smoothes her hands over Emma’s arms. “It’s easier and quicker this way. Think of it as an early Christmas present.” She spreads her legs as far as she can and watches Emma’s eyes flit back and forth between her exposed pussy and the-whatever they want to call it-between them.
“I didn’t ask for a penis for Christmas.” Is Emma’s blasé reply. Regina laughs and kisses her. “Besides,” Emma mutters between swipes of Regina’s lips. “Get rid of those things you added. Ugh. My least favorite thing about sex with men…”
“Those things…as you call them…are necessary if you’re to come inside of me the way I want you to.” Regina grits her teeth, hating it when Emma brings up the past.
“No,” Emma shakes her head insistently. “Get. Rid. Of. Those. I can ejaculate all over you and all up in you, without those. Get rid of them. And I’m calling it a penis. I’m not calling it a cock or a dick, and I’m not slapping you across the face with it and…You know what? For that matter, I’m calling it my inside-out vagina…”
“How about your expandable clit?” Regina suggests, already laughing at Emma’s stupid porno ideas about heterosexual sex. She scowls suddenly, wondering if Emma is into all of that with men.
Emma shakes her head and kisses Regina soundly. “Hey,” She mutters against Regina’s jawline, “I’m horribly vanilla. Especially with men. I save the kinky stuff for you, all right? You’re the only person I’d ever joke about smacking with my fake pen…expandable clit…”
Regina sighs and relaxes, winding her arms around Emma’s neck. “Enough.” Regina says. “You’re ruining the mood.” It was a bad idea, apparently. Regina still isn’t sure why she couldn’t get it out of her mind. If she moves her hips though, she can make Emma’s appendage brush against her.
“Ummmm…” They both stare now. “Well. Interesting. I guess.” Emma mutters, moving her hips so that the tip of her brushes over Regina’s labia again. Emma moans, “Oh wow, really interesting. Ugh. But…” Emma shifts her hips away so that she might make things actually last and adds suddenly, “Make it bigger.” She looks between them again, feels herself twitch and harden, and wonders how she might keep from ending things too soon.
“No!” Regina hunches her hips and tries to calm herself as well. “That is the perfect size for me.” Her clit feels like it might have a mind of its own. Regina feels herself twitch as well. She presses her ass to the bed and breaths deeply. Emma mimics her breathing and they kiss again. Emma seems utterly distracted by her new body part and keeps looking down.
“I’m no size queen babe, but I’m not exactly well endowed here. It’s embarrassing.” Emma looks down again. “I’ve been with much, much bigger…”
Regina clamps a hand on Emma’s mouth and glares. They both have a jealous streak a mile wide. Regina’s is especially terrible.
“Sorry.” Emma can barely be heard saying. Regina’s hand stays clamped on her mouth even as she reaches between them and slips Emma inside of her, squeezing and letting go rhythmically. For a few seconds, only the whites of Emma’s eyes can be seen, while Regina engulfs her and holds still.
Their breathing evens out and then Emma starts to move.
A minute later, Emma has a towel in hand and is apologizing like crazy while she wipes the soft skin of Regina’s thighs.
Regina touches with the tips of her fingers and takes a taste.
“No, what?” Emma gasps, but doesn’t pull Regina’s hand away in time.
“It tastes like you.” Regina licks her fingers again, a dreamy expression on her face. “It tastes like you always taste. Hmmmm…” She pulled Emma down on top of her and wraps her legs around her waist again.
Sometime around sunset, Emma gets the hang of things. She fucks Regina slowly, pulling in and out of her while Regina lays on her stomach and spreads her legs as far as she can.
“Come now.” Regina whispers, smiling as she feels Emma speed up her movements and tremble inside of her. She reaches back to tangle her fingers in blonde, sweaty hair, and pulled Emma back down for a kiss.
“Ok, so…now can I have my vadge back?” Emma asks, trying not to let herself rub against Regina’s swaying ass.
“We’ll see.” Regina hums and rolls away, grabbing Emma between the legs. “I like this for some reason. Just for today.” She jumps off the bed and laughs as Emma follows her to the bathroom.
“I want my vagina back. Now. Give me back my magical, magical vadge.” Emma fumes, climbing into the shower behind Regina. Right on schedule though, Emma’s anatomy betrays her and she finds herself poking right into Regina’s right bum cheek.
Regina turns swiftly, latches her mouth to Emma’s, and holds on while Emma hitches one of Regina’s legs up and over her hip. Emma slides easily into Regina, rocking her hips in slow, small circles.
“Oh, ugh…omigod…” Emma can’t stop talking and processing through all of it. “If I imagine doing this with my actual clit, it’s really fucking hot. Like…omgiod…” Emma thrusts quickly back and forth and then takes a deep, shuddering breath. “Like…what if I could g-spot ejaculate all over you, like all the time, really easily. Fuck, I’d come all over your face every chance I got…”
“Less talking, more fucking.” Regina laughs, reaching back with one hand to spread herself further. “And nobody comes on my face…” She sounds suddenly doubtful though.
Emma stops moving and stares at Regina’s lips. “No? Are you sure?” She shifts so that she’s sunk into Regina fully and lets herself enjoy the feeling of their hip bones touching.
“Ummm…” Regina squirms. Their bellies slap together as she moves back and then takes Emma inside of herself fully again. “Maybe.” Her eyes narrow. “If I can do the same.” Her foot is tired from holding up most of her weight and she considers asking if they might move this to the bed, but suddenly Emma seems to realize what Regina is suggesting.
She kind of mutters, says “ugh” and starts to thrust herself inside of Regina, feeling the muscles in Regina’s cunt as they pull her deeper and pulsate all around her sex. Emma starts to fuck Regina harder and faster, her eyes rolling back at the thought. “You should…you should totally…come all over me…” Emma gasps. “Oh god, that’s so hot…”
As Emma’s hips thrust, Regina shouts against Emma’s neck. She pushes down hard, rotating her hips and grinding herself against Emma’s pubic bone. Regina concentrates on letting go. “Ok…Now…” She yells hoarsely.
The water has grown lukewarm as Emma kneels, quickly sliding her fingers into Regina’s pussy. She curls her fingers, quick and hard, finding that swollen rough spot, and sticks out her tongue for Regina to watch.
Regina screams as she begins to come, shaking and clinging onto Emma’s head as she squirts over Emma’s tongue and chin.
As Regina falls to her knees, Emma catches her and laughs when water gets up her nose and she has to sputter and spray it out again.
“Oh.” Regina says, looking between Emma’s thighs. “Our friend seems to be gone. My spell must have had a different time limit than I thought. Did you come?”
“Yeah, I did. Sorry, I didn’t let you know. That’s ok though, right?” Emma babbles cheerfully as Regina kisses her neck. “I can’t like…you know…get you pregnant or anything.” Emma wipes her eyes as water sprays into them and snickers again. “I think I came inside of you five or six times tonite. The rest is on the towels.”
Regina feels something flutter inside her and suddenly gets a sinking, terrified feeling.
“Ummm…’Gina?” Emma’s eyes grow wide. “Is there something you’re not telling me?”
Regina just rests her cheek on Emma’s shoulder and closes her eyes tightly.
They spend weeks and weeks walking on eggshells before Regina, in an effort to reduce her stress, decides that she can’t possibly be pregnant.
“You need a ‘Y’ chromosome and my dear, you don’t have one of those.” Regina decides, three months later.
“Women are ‘XX’ babe.” Emma squeezes Regina’s shoulder tightly and sits closer to her. “I do have two of those to contribute.” They watch Titanic without the sound on and try not to admit to the fact that Regina has been eating really strange foods for days and her breasts are tender and she can’t stop crying when they see babies around town and she suddenly wants to redecorate the entire house and hole up with Emma every night watching stupid movies instead of working and…
…and…
Emma is the one to buy the pregnancy test and the pharmacist sneezes on her in surprise and shock. So Emma smiles benignly and fetches three more tests so that she won’t have to repeat this embarrassing fucking trip.
Sixteen years later…
“I hate you both and I’m going to go live with Snow White!”
The angry voice of a teenage girl, echoes through the front foyer of Emma and Regina’s house. Regina looks like she might cry; Emma’s lips turn white and thin with anger.
“I’ll call your grandmother then, and see what she thinks.” Emma speaks with a frightening sort of smile. “I’m sure she’ll love hearing about how you were caught smoking pot with Cinderella’s son. Alone. In the backseat of his car. With your shirt off.” Every word is punctuated by a step forward. Cinderella’s son is a nice kid, but dumb as a bag of nails. And if that dumbass gets her daughter pregnant, Emma is pretty sure she’ll have to kill him.
Leah-Marie Mills was just told, the year before, that her origins are the result of magic. She has been acting out ever since. As one mother glares at her, and her other mother swipes at an errant tear, Leah stomps her foot and flings herself into the arms of the more sympathetic of the pair. By the time they are both done crying, Emma has made dinner and is waiting for them in the kitchen.
Henry has his own place and works as a science teacher at the high school. He is obsessed with time travel and geometrics and thermodynamics and whenever he has his sister stay with him at his apartment, she comes back to the house with a random new technology designed to utilize energy at archeological sites in order to change the movement of time. Once, she returned with a flight device much like a jet pack, which Emma promptly returned to Henry.
“Sorry about what I said.” Leah mutters into her peas.
“That’s ok.” Emma mutters into her potatoes.
“No, I mean, I’m sorry I said I wish you guys had just gone to a fucking sperm bank like every other dyke couple.” Leah elaborates on a shouting fight they had had a week previous. “And I’m sorry I said ‘fucking’,” she adds quickly, “And dyke,” she says and then starts crying again and this time throws herself into Emma’s arms.
“Uhhhh. Ok.” Emma pats the kid’s back and makes her take a deep breath when her crying turns to sobs and she can’t talk anymore.
“And…huh…I…don’t…huh…wanna…date…that…dumbass…any…more…” Leah sobs, her chest hitching violently.
“Well then, sweetheart, you’ll have to let him down gently.” Regina has regained her calm, now that Emma and Leah are on good terms again. She daintily takes a bite of the chicken stir fry that Emma had made for just the two of them. Leah is a self-proclaimed vegetarian and has been since she was 4 years old. “Shall we stay in and watch a movie tonite?”
Leah nods and wipes her nose on Emma’s shirt. It’s an old joke. Emma messes up her perfectly coifed (bleached) blonde hair in retaliation.
“After I break up with idiot.” Leah swipes at brown eyes so much like Regina’s. “Can we call Snow?”
“Ok.” Regina concedes. Her children both have unexpectedly deep bonds with their grandmother.
“Uhhh…and, you won’t tell her, right?” Leah tugs her green hoodie down over her wrists, just like Regina does with her own clothes when she’s ill at ease.
Regina and Emma exchange a look.
“For now.” Emma decides, “but listen, kid, you’ve been off the deep end for months now. We just want to help you. And if telling Snow…”
“All right, all right, I get it.” Leah interrupts. “I’m a mess. I’m sorting it out. Sorry.” She pauses. “It’s nice, in a way, you know?”
“What is?” Emma asks.
“Well, like, you’re my mom and my mom and my dad.” Leah shrugs. “So that’s cool.”
Emma misses the significance of one of the ‘ands’ but it hurts her head to worry much anyway.
Snow, James and Henry come over an hour later, and the bunch of them jam themselves into the living room to watch the latest of Leah’s pirated holographic movie displays. Emma keeps asking her to stop downloading shit for free, but Leah insists that she’s part of the global effort to destroy capitalism once and for all.
“Batwoman Begins.” Henry claps excitedly as the title displays on the wall. “It only took them sixteen years to make the film!” Of course he and Leah talk all through the movie, deciding which parts are realistic and which are not. It doesn’t take long for the over-30s to wander into the kitchen in search of wine.
“What the hell is going on.” Snow cuts right to the chase. “Cinderella called me. She said you threatened to tie concrete blocks to her son’s ankles and then make him swim laps.” Snow pauses when James starts to giggle. “She’s sure he deserved it, but wants to know what happened.”
Emma explains everything, in hushed tones. James nods at the end of the story and smacks his daughter on the arm.
“Job well done.” James exclaims. “I think I might go and issue that swim challenge to the kid myself.”
Regina rolls her eyes and answers drolly, “Considering that he cried on the phone like an infant after she broke up with him, I think he might jump at the chance. Leave the poor boy alone. Besides, Leah made as many stupid decisions as he did. You don’t see Cinderella threatening her.”
Before James and Emma can interject with their confused sputtering, Snow says, “We’re taking her for the weekend.” She glances sideways at Regina who shrugs and holds her hands out.
“Sure.” Regina agrees. “She likes us again, so we’re ok with a bit of time apart. Take her into the woods and show her something useful. Like fishing. Or chopping wood. Make her chop all the wood.” Regina smirks. “That’s what my father did when I hit puberty. He gave me chores. Many, many solitary chores. It almost worked.”
Snow pales at that and frowns.
“Anyhow.” Regina adds, “Take her. Like I said…”
“She likes you again.” James says quietly. “So what do you mean by that? Did something happen?”
“You know what, we don’t need to worry about it.” Snow jumps in. She has gone from pale to bright red rather quickly. Emma follows suit. Regina stares at mother and daughter with a horrified look on her face.
“You told her.” Regina hisses.
“She figured it out years ago!” Emma says, flustered. She chugs her wine and pours some more.
“What?” James asks politely.
“Nothing!” All three women turn on him and he grows quiet.
“Weird.” James mutters. “You’re all really, really weird. I’m going to spend time with my grandchildren. You can stay in here and be odd.”
“I’ll go with you. We’ll talk to the kids together.” Snow pats him on the arm and they go back to the family room.
“So.” Emma swirls her wine in her glass and bats her eyes at Regina.
“So?” Regina returns the strange look with an inquisitive glance.
“what do you want to do with the house all to ourselves?” Emma asks.
“Clean. Eat food. And then have sex, of course.” Regina states blandly. She blinks as Emma snickers. “Also, I was thinking…”
“Thinking…Not good. What?” Emma grows suspicious and takes a big gulp of wine.
“About, you know. What we did. Sixteen years ago…” Regina’s is coy as she brushes the back of her hand over Emma’s cheek. “We haven’t since. It obviously happened for a reason, but perhaps this time we could try…other things…”
“Nuh uh.” Emma whispers. “No way.”
“We’ll see.” Regina chuckles, leans forward, and kisses Emma softly. “We’ll see.” She smirks and closes her eyes happily as Emma buries her blushing face against her neck.