joy and the state of my heart.
Wow, so the way that my soul has changed in the last month or so since i wrote that last post...it's just night and day, i think.
So I've been searching my heart a whole heck of a lot, Coming to God, discussing, reading books, reading the Bible, and all around just living life and trying to experience manliness in all its forms.
What i love is, after all of this, there are still no words to explain, at least no summarized version, what, and who a man is.
i will say this though, it has a lot to do with patience, it has a lot to do with deciphering G-d's voice and figuring out what wisdom he is giving me at any given moment. When to fight, when to take a stand...and when to fall back, lay down arms and be humbled.
I've been learning to take charge, to get things done, to speak my mind and not pussyfoot around topics. to love unabashedly, to not care whether or not i look like a fool (most of the time i do). To choose happiness over sadness, and Joy over complaining. To enjoy whatever i am doing and giving it over to G-d and thanking him for the gifts he brings. Gifts like work and sleep and friends and food and Romance.
i want to be ever-greatful for the things and people and circumstances that He puts in my way.
It's an interesting dichotomy because on one hand i have never felt more mature and "adult"(whatever that means) but on the other, i've never felt more like a child, just unabashedly fallowing Jesus in faith. Realizing that its not the "how" in my life that i should be concerned about, if i move then He will provide the way, and if i listen and obey, he will be there to guide me in the direction of becoming the man he want's me to be.
for once in my life, I, the only child of a widowed mother have come to grips with the fact that A) i AM a man, and there is no shame (or resentment) in that any more! and B) with that manhood, i must take responsibility, AND not be afraid of it (which im not any more)!
do you know how free i feel? this is what life in Christ is all about!
I am so excited about the future and all that God has to bring me but i am still focused on the here and now; the past is behind me, there's no shame anymore; the future is ahead, and is infinitely full of possibilities.
i am man. here me live!
So I've been searching my heart a whole heck of a lot, Coming to God, discussing, reading books, reading the Bible, and all around just living life and trying to experience manliness in all its forms.
What i love is, after all of this, there are still no words to explain, at least no summarized version, what, and who a man is.
i will say this though, it has a lot to do with patience, it has a lot to do with deciphering G-d's voice and figuring out what wisdom he is giving me at any given moment. When to fight, when to take a stand...and when to fall back, lay down arms and be humbled.
I've been learning to take charge, to get things done, to speak my mind and not pussyfoot around topics. to love unabashedly, to not care whether or not i look like a fool (most of the time i do). To choose happiness over sadness, and Joy over complaining. To enjoy whatever i am doing and giving it over to G-d and thanking him for the gifts he brings. Gifts like work and sleep and friends and food and Romance.
i want to be ever-greatful for the things and people and circumstances that He puts in my way.
It's an interesting dichotomy because on one hand i have never felt more mature and "adult"(whatever that means) but on the other, i've never felt more like a child, just unabashedly fallowing Jesus in faith. Realizing that its not the "how" in my life that i should be concerned about, if i move then He will provide the way, and if i listen and obey, he will be there to guide me in the direction of becoming the man he want's me to be.
for once in my life, I, the only child of a widowed mother have come to grips with the fact that A) i AM a man, and there is no shame (or resentment) in that any more! and B) with that manhood, i must take responsibility, AND not be afraid of it (which im not any more)!
do you know how free i feel? this is what life in Christ is all about!
I am so excited about the future and all that God has to bring me but i am still focused on the here and now; the past is behind me, there's no shame anymore; the future is ahead, and is infinitely full of possibilities.
i am man. here me live!