Comments | helaas: The Siren Call and the Porcelain Throne

helaas

The Siren Call and the Porcelain Throne

Jan 18, 2015 13:00

Title: The Siren Call and the Porcelain Throne
Pairing: Jongin/Yixing
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 5.4k
Summary: Jongin keeps hearing a beautiful voice around campus and struggles to find the owner. Baekhyun is not helpful.
Notes: Written for Round 1 of kaixingforyou

( Jongin's early morning bowel movement is a treasured moment in an otherwise hectic life. )

kaixing, fic

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zyxisagod January 18 2015, 12:55:41 UTC

i just want you to know that if you really ever do write a novel and publish it i'll pre-order it immediately

helaas January 18 2015, 13:43:48 UTC

But as the publishing date looms closer and closer, the remorse will set in and you will cancel your pre-order. What were you thinking, you'll say to yourself, shaking your head and letting out a soft, self-depreciating sigh. Instead, you will make the much better purchase of those sweet illustrated Harry Potter books. GOOD CALL!

zyxisagod January 18 2015, 13:50:59 UTC

HDU?!?! I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I WOULD BUY BOTH THE SERIES (preferably the glow in the dark covers+pop up illustrations one) AND YOUR DEBUT NOVEL.

/throws my bank statement at you LOOK AT ALL THE SHIT I SPEND MY MONEY ON. I ALWAYS REGRET MY PURCHASES THE MOMENT I CLICK THE CHECKOUT BUTTON

helaas January 18 2015, 13:59:41 UTC

lmao, I am learning so much about you so quickly. You're mentally unstable, bad with finances, AND YOU LIKE HARRY POTTER.... WE'RE GONNA GET ALONG SO WELL!!!

zyxisagod January 18 2015, 14:02:59 UTC

not that i'd want to have cement your opinion but..........................

xingdae is my ult otp. so good job, let's go to hell together! /drags jongdae along

helaas January 18 2015, 14:09:04 UTC

Yesssssss, NOW I KNOW FOR A FACT THAT YOU ARE A GOOD PERSON!!

zyxisagod January 18 2015, 14:12:34 UTC

I DONT WANT TO BE CALLED A GOOD PERSON BY YOUOUUUOUOYOUOU

but since its a compliment i'll gladly take it and print out and post it up on my bedroom wall

helaas January 18 2015, 14:23:37 UTC

You can send it to my manager with a self-addressed-stamped-envelope and I will sign it for you. NO PERSONAL COMMENTS, THOUGH, I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON!!

Also my manager is my cat, you might have to throw some Friskies in the envelope.

zyxisagod January 18 2015, 14:44:01 UTC

YOUR MANAGER IS A CAT?? I CANT EVEN GET MY CAT TO STAY ON MY LAP WITHOUT GETTING SCRATCHED.

how about a trade? i feed my cats orijen so his coat is super shiny

helaas January 18 2015, 15:20:25 UTC

My cat is very skilled in communication. One of his meows sounds like he's saying "mama". He's a fucking gift.

I tried to get my cats to eat Orijen but they didn't like it. :( Now they eat this food with this angry german cat glaring at me from the front of the bag. Remember when this used to be a comments section for my fic and then somehow it turned into a cat nutrition message board???? THIS IS THE TRUE PURPOSE OF MY LIVEJOURNAL!!!!!!!!

zyxisagod January 18 2015, 23:19:39 UTC

MY CAT SOUNDS LIKE A BROKEN VIOLIN ugfhghgfhgufh can you bottle your cat's voice and maybe sell it to me?

my cats get tired of orijen and i go 'DO YOU KNOW THAT EVEN I DONT EAT FREE RUN CHICKEN'

yes, this is the place to go to when you're wondering what catfood suits your cats dietary needs uwu im glad i can contribute as a fellow cat owner 5/5 stars would recommend

helaas January 19 2015, 17:38:19 UTC

This is the first time I have heard of someone trying to use guilt on their cats... I... doubt you are very successful with that. >.> Sometimes the cats get some raw chicken wings, but they're such spoiled brats, they look at me like "wtf do you want me to do with this???" and I have to get in there and pull off the skin and rip out chunks of meat like "LOOK YOU IDIOTS, IT'S FUCKING FOOD!!!" Once you get them started, then they're like "OH SHIT I LOVE THIS!!!" but until you pull back the skin, it's like I threw a fucking banana at them. :P

Um, yeah, so this is now totally an unofficial cat nutrition message board. :P I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life. The choices I have made appear to be not good.... >.>

zyxisagod January 20 2015, 00:03:55 UTC

no ofc who do you think my cats are? theyre lil ungrateful shits im such a masochist.

and GAH my cats cant even eat raw food!! theyd lick it (WE WERE GONNA COOK THAT) and run away. but when we give them some theyd be all 'what do you expect me to do with this? go fry it human.'

my cats are addicted to msg. theyd rather eat junk food than their PROPER CAT FOOD.

i love the internet. dont have the necessary qualifications? NO WORRIES! just sound as convincing as you can :D

helaas January 21 2015, 09:00:20 UTC

GODDAMNIT CATS, GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER!!! I saw one of my cats eat a whole bird, HE FIGURED OUT HOW TO RIP OUT FEATHERS AND SHIT, BUT CHICKEN SKIN REMAINS A MYSTERY?????? SERIOUSLY CATS, COME ON!!

HOW DID YOUR CATS EVEN START EATING JUNK FOOD??? HOOOOOOOOOOW???? One of my cats is crazy for apples and olives. If I eat an apple, he has to get bites, too or he gets so offended and he goes FUCKING NUTS for olives, like one time I spilled a little of the brine on my desk, like four drops, and I wiped it up with a paper towel and threw it away AND THEN MINUTES LATER I SAW MY CAT EATING THE PAPER TOWEL????

Btw, an anonymous lurker on my comments section (this is a cool place to hang out???) told me that she wants a cat now, so.... we've done our jobs here. :P

zyxisagod January 21 2015, 12:28:22 UTC

IM LAUGHING BECAUSE GDI ITS SO FUCKING TRUE!!!!!!

what do you mean your cat eats fruit. omfg. omg. what. what. i cant even get my hedgehog to eat his fruits and fruits are a THING for hedgehogs

/pulls out academic essays on the argument for and against selective breeding in cats. WELL THEN.

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