The Past
You know what really sucks? The past. It's this ever-imposing part of everyone's life full of regrets and bad decisions.
And since we can't change the past, it ends up killing us inside when we think about it, so we try not to think about it.
Which in turn makes it worse when it crops back up. And it REALLY SUCKS if you have something from your past that you need to resolve.
Confronting the past is the worst thing ever. When you have to look back at yourself and who you used to be, and go, "Yeah, that's what happened. That's what's up. Let's see what we can do to move on." And that's scary shit.
Especially if someone has hurt you terribly, or if you've hurt someone yourself. Having to confront that person and say the words that you need to say. Because you'll often be met with one or two horrible results.
Anger/rage/hatred is the first, and when you receive it from someone who's hurt you, it makes you want to get angry right back. Like, you're gonna get mad at me? After you did that to ME? Are you fucking for REAL?! And when it's someone you've hurt, you're almost expecting it, like flinching before someone hits you. Of course there's anger. You deserve that emotion directed your way. ... But what does it really resolve?
Of course, the only thing worse than that is apathy, where nothing is returned for your efforts. Often this can come in the form of a snubbed denial from someone who's hurt you, like "Oh? I never did that. You must be dreaming/delusional." Which is just this insult that wants you to get pissed off and start crying. And for someone who you're trying to apologize to? ... That shit hurts. And you deserve it, and it's understandable for someone to not want to talk to you when you've hurt them.
The best and worst thing of all is for someone to respond with sadness. With tears in their eyes, and they say "I know. I've done this to you and it's been killing me forever." Or for the one you've hurt, they go "I've been living with this pain for so many years. Do you know what you've done to me?"
And that's just the worst. Fucking up is the worst thing ever, and when I think about how many fuck-ups I've gone though or have been responsible for I just want to kill myself.
How 'bout you? UuU;
And since we can't change the past, it ends up killing us inside when we think about it, so we try not to think about it.
Which in turn makes it worse when it crops back up. And it REALLY SUCKS if you have something from your past that you need to resolve.
Confronting the past is the worst thing ever. When you have to look back at yourself and who you used to be, and go, "Yeah, that's what happened. That's what's up. Let's see what we can do to move on." And that's scary shit.
Especially if someone has hurt you terribly, or if you've hurt someone yourself. Having to confront that person and say the words that you need to say. Because you'll often be met with one or two horrible results.
Anger/rage/hatred is the first, and when you receive it from someone who's hurt you, it makes you want to get angry right back. Like, you're gonna get mad at me? After you did that to ME? Are you fucking for REAL?! And when it's someone you've hurt, you're almost expecting it, like flinching before someone hits you. Of course there's anger. You deserve that emotion directed your way. ... But what does it really resolve?
Of course, the only thing worse than that is apathy, where nothing is returned for your efforts. Often this can come in the form of a snubbed denial from someone who's hurt you, like "Oh? I never did that. You must be dreaming/delusional." Which is just this insult that wants you to get pissed off and start crying. And for someone who you're trying to apologize to? ... That shit hurts. And you deserve it, and it's understandable for someone to not want to talk to you when you've hurt them.
The best and worst thing of all is for someone to respond with sadness. With tears in their eyes, and they say "I know. I've done this to you and it's been killing me forever." Or for the one you've hurt, they go "I've been living with this pain for so many years. Do you know what you've done to me?"
And that's just the worst. Fucking up is the worst thing ever, and when I think about how many fuck-ups I've gone though or have been responsible for I just want to kill myself.
How 'bout you? UuU;