Trust and Tacos
Lucy and I were laughing as we left the coffee shop. I honestly felt stupid about it, like we were in some kind of latte commercial, and when I told her that we just laughed even harder, enough for folks to stare at us oddly...which set off more laughter. Then Lucy abruptly stopped laughing ahead of me, as a homeless man thrust his cup out to her.
"I just want some food, maybe a taco. A dollar for a taco?"
Lucy tried not to look at him and mumbled something like a "no thank you" and brushed by him. I stayed there, on the sidewalk in front of him, and reached into my purse. Lucy looked back, "No, come on Anna, you know they just use it for drugs or booze."
I Asked him. "What do you want money for?" I Listened to his answer.
"I just want some food, lady, maybe a taco."
Everything doesn't stop, it just slows down. My peripheral vision goes bright but cloudy, like driving a dark road on a foggy night. I still see Lucy with her disapproving look, clutching her purse close to her chest. I still see people walking by us on the sidewalk, averting their eyes from me and the homeless man. I still see the traffic light up ahead flashing that we only have 9 seconds left to cross the street, now 8, but it takes just a little too long to tick down to 7. I still see the homeless man in front of me, with his cup, with his many layers of clothes, all that he owns on his back.
And in that fog, I see him walk down the street behind us, turn the corner and approach the taco truck. He's waving his money, my money, in front of him so the taco guy can see it and not turn him away. The taco guy counts it and holds up 3 fingers, the homeless man nods and smiles and says "Three is a good day." He sits nearby and eats the three tacos slowly, deliberately. He doesn't drop even a sliver of lettuce. He throws the wrappers into the garbage can.
My vision cleared, time went normal and I dug a few crumpled bills out of my wallet and gave them to the homeless man, then moved on before he could speak again.
"God, Anna” Lucy started in on me, shaking her head. “You're going to go broke doing that. You always do that and they always use it for drugs or booze, you're not helping them."
"You have to trust sometimes, Lucy."
"Yeah, well, trust whoever you want, trust everyone! Just cut the cards, you know?”
I always do.
"I just want some food, maybe a taco. A dollar for a taco?"
Lucy tried not to look at him and mumbled something like a "no thank you" and brushed by him. I stayed there, on the sidewalk in front of him, and reached into my purse. Lucy looked back, "No, come on Anna, you know they just use it for drugs or booze."
I Asked him. "What do you want money for?" I Listened to his answer.
"I just want some food, lady, maybe a taco."
Everything doesn't stop, it just slows down. My peripheral vision goes bright but cloudy, like driving a dark road on a foggy night. I still see Lucy with her disapproving look, clutching her purse close to her chest. I still see people walking by us on the sidewalk, averting their eyes from me and the homeless man. I still see the traffic light up ahead flashing that we only have 9 seconds left to cross the street, now 8, but it takes just a little too long to tick down to 7. I still see the homeless man in front of me, with his cup, with his many layers of clothes, all that he owns on his back.
And in that fog, I see him walk down the street behind us, turn the corner and approach the taco truck. He's waving his money, my money, in front of him so the taco guy can see it and not turn him away. The taco guy counts it and holds up 3 fingers, the homeless man nods and smiles and says "Three is a good day." He sits nearby and eats the three tacos slowly, deliberately. He doesn't drop even a sliver of lettuce. He throws the wrappers into the garbage can.
My vision cleared, time went normal and I dug a few crumpled bills out of my wallet and gave them to the homeless man, then moved on before he could speak again.
"God, Anna” Lucy started in on me, shaking her head. “You're going to go broke doing that. You always do that and they always use it for drugs or booze, you're not helping them."
"You have to trust sometimes, Lucy."
"Yeah, well, trust whoever you want, trust everyone! Just cut the cards, you know?”
I always do.