Love
This has been going on for days. I feel like Im fighting a never ending battle with myself. And I dont know how much more I can take of it. Its been the ups and downs this past week and I cant stand it. I hate emotional roller coasters. And thats exactly wats goin on with me right now. One minute everything around me will be fine and the next everything is downhill and Im finding myself trying to work bak up to the top again. And hardly any of this is anyone elses fault but my own. Its just the feelings I have that are so strong and I get my feelings hurt easily I guess. I mean, today I was thinking about the big L word, LOVE. I was thinkin to myself how I really know if I love someone. Well, I love my family and Chad. And it brought tears to my eyes to think about that fact that I know I love them all because I cant picture my life without any of them. And that scared me a lot. Because wat if one day, one of them dies or moves away or somethin like that, then wat do i do? I cant picture my life without any of them so wat would I do without them? It made me cry to just think of that. Especially with my mom and Chad. Over the last 2 years, my mom and Chad have made the biggest impact of my life then I thought ever possible. I was always independent and never went to anyone for advice cause I solved my problems on my own, but now my mom and Chad are like my guardian angels. Everything is always better whenever 1 of them 2 are around. Without them I dont think I would be where I am at now. Im scared to ever think of wat I would be like now without them. I know Chad doesnt think that I look at him this way really, but I do. He means so much to me and I feel like I could die if anything ever happened to him or between me and him. I pray every night that God will not take away these 2 people from me cause I need them so much. And right now, my mom and Chad are the only 2 things that I am certain about. Everything else is so unclear to me and confusing - my emotions towards everything.