OBAMA'S SPEECH: Cliff Notes version
"The housing market is in crisis. I need all of you renters who are living responsibly within your means, to pay the mortgages of the guys down the street who bought homes they knew they could never afford. That way they can keep their huge house, and you'll still be sitting in your apartment....just with less money. Seems fair, no?"
"Ever been to the DMV? Well, I want to apply that great level of bureaucratic efficiency to health care!"
"I support our men in uniform! I won't support them with new equipment or bigger budgets; but rather; I support them by supporting their support's support supporting. Or something."
"But don't you dare criticize my floundering bank rescue bill. It's not to help the banks getting the billions, it's to help you dumb schlubs who are paying them. Don't think too hard about that, just take my word for it."
(I can't even think of a funny way to paraphrase when he said he'd find a cure for cancer. I mean, seriously: If you're going to come with a blast like that, why stop there? Why not throw in ebola, baldness, and the common cold as well?)
"If you do some sham useless 'community service' for a year, you'll get free college! Well not 'free'; what I mean is I'll make other taxpayers pay for it."
"Nancy Pelosi obviously forgot to take her Ritalain before she sat down behind me tonight so I better wrap this up. Thank you and have a good night!"
"Ever been to the DMV? Well, I want to apply that great level of bureaucratic efficiency to health care!"
"I support our men in uniform! I won't support them with new equipment or bigger budgets; but rather; I support them by supporting their support's support supporting. Or something."
"But don't you dare criticize my floundering bank rescue bill. It's not to help the banks getting the billions, it's to help you dumb schlubs who are paying them. Don't think too hard about that, just take my word for it."
(I can't even think of a funny way to paraphrase when he said he'd find a cure for cancer. I mean, seriously: If you're going to come with a blast like that, why stop there? Why not throw in ebola, baldness, and the common cold as well?)
"If you do some sham useless 'community service' for a year, you'll get free college! Well not 'free'; what I mean is I'll make other taxpayers pay for it."
"Nancy Pelosi obviously forgot to take her Ritalain before she sat down behind me tonight so I better wrap this up. Thank you and have a good night!"