(no subject)
Sometimes, Eric sends me such mixed signals that I don't even know what to do.
It's like being on a carousel. He's really happy to see me one day, and then isn't the next. I'm probably reading into this too much, but it's really affecting me. It has for a while. If it's affecting me, then it is worth while to read into. & I haven't been able to put it into words until now. I've never had anyone ever make me feel so self concious before in my life. Even though I'm with him, sometimes I still feel alone. & I really like him though, which makes everything even harder to cope with. I hope that I don't ever make him feel this way as well. Because then I would feel absolutely awful.
Tonight, I held a surprise party for my akmfabffaa, Nathan. I made a cake with brandy and lots of strawberries and it was pricey. I took silly pictures & was nervous and I danced and did all of the things that I've wanted to do for a long time. It feels good to stop caring sometimes
Also, Cheryl was going to take the car, but instead got a ride back to her house from Gabe. So I had to move the car and it was a pain in the ass with the 19283751829 inches of snow that has fallen since 2 hours ago. I want to go back outside and lay in the snow forever. I love when snow falls like this, giant giant globs of snow.
I don't think I'm going to smoke anymore. I don't have an urge to smoke pot anymore either. I don't know what got into me, but I'm glad that it's over. disgusting. I feel disgusting about it.