(no subject)
Title - Shoulder to Lean On
Fandom - H50
Rated - G
Characters - Steve McGarrett, Danny Williams
Summary - Steve calls Danny after the call with Catherine.
A/N - was prompted for platonic Steve & Danny fic. Not sure I hit the nail on the head, but this is what spawned in my brain. Friendship fic coming at ya!
~
Steve felt like he was in a daze when he automatically speed dialled Danny and lifted his cell to his ear. The call rang through a little longer than usual and he frowned because usually Danny didn’t take so long. It dawned on Steve that it was late night and Danny was probably asleep, his realisation confirmed when Danny answered, voice raspy and low.
“Hello?” Danny said down the phone, sounding like he’d been woken up.
There was a long pause where Steve considered hanging up because it was stupid really, calling Danny so late, he could talk to him in the morning at a more decent time. When he didn’t reply, Danny’s voice came through sounding more alarmed.
“Steve? Sup, we catch a case?”
Steve heard him yawn, his words half muffled probably by his hand.
“No, sorry,” Steve said with a shake of his head even though Danny couldn’t see him. “I - sorry D, guess I hit the wrong speed dial on my cell. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He hit the button to end the call abruptly before Danny could reply and dropped his hand down to his knee. He was sitting out on the back porch, staring out into the pitch black, moonlight barely hitting the ocean because of the cloud cover. He could hear the waves but barely discern them through the darkness, just heard them crashing on the shore. His cell rang and for a hopeful moment he held it up, but Danny’s picture and name was on the screen. He considered dismissing the call but he knew Danny wouldn’t be ignored for long.
“Hey,” Steve answered, swallowing down around the lump that lurched painfully at the back of his throat.
“It’s after midnight,” Danny said, sounding more awake than three minutes ago. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“Yeah I guess,” Steve agreed, standing up. “G’night Danno.”
“Hang up on me and I swear I’ll drive over there just to punch you,” Danny warned him. “You don’t call someone accidentally in the middle of the night Steve. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, nothing is going on,” Steve lied. The lump was getting bigger and when he rubbed a hand over his face it felt damp. “Sorry for waking you up Danny, really. Go back to sleep.”
“Jesus Steve,” Danny said, sounding serious, voice coming through gentler this time. “You sound like shit. What’s wrong? Is it Joanie?”
Steve smiled and could almost laugh because trust Danny’s instincts to instantly be concerned about Mary and the baby.
“No, no, Mary and Joanie are okay,” Steve assured him.
“Well something has happened and I’m not hanging up until you tell me what,” Danny informed him. Steve knew if he hung up on him, Danny would be on his doorstep in ten minutes no doubt about it.
“Before I called you,” Steve began, drawing in a deep breath. His chest hurt and he felt sick to his stomach. “I - Catherine and me, we, she called, we talked.”
There was a dead silence and Steve ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes and tried to understand how in one simple phone call it was all over between them.
“Steve, man I-,” Danny stuttered as he read between the lines what Steve was saying to him. “I’m coming over.”
“No, it’s the middle of the night D,” Steve said shaking his head. “Go back to sleep, we can talk tomorrow.”
“Already heading out of the door brah,” Danny informed him. “Be there in ten.”
~
Danny let himself in, finding Steve moping on the sofa, slowly nursing a beer. Danny set the six pack he’d grabbed out of his fridge down on the coffee table. Steve looked at the beers then up at him with eyes that were brighter than usual, skin red and puffy. Danny sat down beside him and put a hand on his arm.
“I’m sorry man,” Danny assured him gently. “It’s a real shit deal.”
“You know I kinda knew it was going to happen,” Steve shrugged, taking a sip from his bottle. “But I didn’t want to admit it you know? When she didn’t mention coming home after rescuing Najib. When she started talking about helping out, setting up the school and stuff. I knew, I could hear it in her voice, she’d found something she really wanted to do and felt she was making a difference.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier,” Danny consoled quietly, grabbing himself a beer off the table and popping off the cap. “I know how much you both cared for one another.”
“Wasn’t enough though was it,” Steve said bitterly, swallowing down a mouthful of beer. “She said she loved me, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”
“Steve, don’t do this to yourself,” Danny shook his head at him. “You know she loves you and she knows you love her.”
“But she found something better,” Steve said, looking at him with unshed tears.
“No, she just-,” Danny said, squeezing his shoulder again as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer, only when it came to love, everything could be so complicated. “You know when Rachel filed for divorce, I still loved her and I know she still loved me. But it just wasn’t meant to be and I don’t know why really. It just was the way things went for us. Unfortunately babe, in life, this stuff happens and there’s no real easy way to understand why.”
“She said to move on, find somebody else,” Steve said, looking away and Danny could see the pain, the raw emotion as he recalled the phone call that had taken place. “I thought she was the one you know? How am I supposed to move on from that?”
“It’s not going to happen overnight,” Danny pointed out to him. “Or next week, or next month. It’s going to hurt for a long time, but you will move on Steve, eventually.”
“I miss her you know,” Steve said, rubbing a hand over his eyes before the tears there spilled out. “But I just focused on the day she’d be back. Now she’s saying she might not come back and I just - I miss her.”
“Of course you do,” Danny nodded. “We all do. She was my friend, Kono’s, Chin’s, she was part of the family. Part of us will be sad she’s not here, but part of us has to be happy she’s where she wants to be.”
“It’s hard, knowing you aren’t enough,” Steve said, voice cracking again. He took another gulp of his drink to prevent breaking down completely.
“Steve, you know that isn’t why,” Danny said.
“Yes it is,” Steve said angrily, sitting forward and focusing on the wall in front of them. “I love you, but I don’t want to be with you - it’s a slap in the face. It’s a fuck you to our whole relationship.”
“Babe, I know it feels like that,” Danny said gently, sitting forward and tentatively putting a hand on his back. “But you know Catherine. You know it isn’t that easy.”
“We should never have gone there,” Steve said grimly. “I should have made sure we got her out before we came home.”
Danny stayed quiet, rubbing his back soothingly instead. Steve was running high on emotions and there was little point in arguing. Time was a healer, Danny had learned that in the divorce. He felt Steve’s body shudder weakly under his hand and realised he was crying. He still didn’t say anything, let Steve get everything out now, in the dark of the night with only his best friend to witness the pain and anguish a break up put you through. Danny remembered how the divorce had sent him on an emotional rollercoaster, and Matty had been the one to comfort and support him through it, being there for him when he cried, when he got angry, when he tried to pick up the pieces. He didn’t focus on thoughts of his brother though, because that was something he currently couldn’t fix. Matty was still on the run and who knew where he was in the world.
“I’m sorry,” Steve said as he wiped his eyes.
“S’ok,” Danny assured him. “Better to let them out now than tomorrow at the office, because that would really be embarrassing.”
Steve gave a watery smile and a soft chuckle, “Yeah I guess. Thanks Danno.”
“Hey, any time, you know that,” Danny reminded him. “How’s about we get drunk and watch whatever shit they put on at this time of night? We can talk if and when you want to.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Steve nodded in agreement, taking the remote control off the coffee table and handing it to him. “You choose a channel, I’m going to go clean myself up.”
He stood up and headed for the stairs before pausing and looking back at him.
“Danny, thanks you know, for coming over,” He said quietly.
Danny could already see tears forming again, figuring maybe Steve was making an escape to cry a little more. He guessed maybe there was only so much kicking Steve’s pride could take in only a few hours. Danny got it, hell he’d lived it through the divorce, crying had become second nature for a time. He gave a shrug and looked Steve in the eye with a nod of understanding.
“Any time man, you know that,” He said firmly.
~ fin ~
Fandom - H50
Rated - G
Characters - Steve McGarrett, Danny Williams
Summary - Steve calls Danny after the call with Catherine.
A/N - was prompted for platonic Steve & Danny fic. Not sure I hit the nail on the head, but this is what spawned in my brain. Friendship fic coming at ya!
~
Steve felt like he was in a daze when he automatically speed dialled Danny and lifted his cell to his ear. The call rang through a little longer than usual and he frowned because usually Danny didn’t take so long. It dawned on Steve that it was late night and Danny was probably asleep, his realisation confirmed when Danny answered, voice raspy and low.
“Hello?” Danny said down the phone, sounding like he’d been woken up.
There was a long pause where Steve considered hanging up because it was stupid really, calling Danny so late, he could talk to him in the morning at a more decent time. When he didn’t reply, Danny’s voice came through sounding more alarmed.
“Steve? Sup, we catch a case?”
Steve heard him yawn, his words half muffled probably by his hand.
“No, sorry,” Steve said with a shake of his head even though Danny couldn’t see him. “I - sorry D, guess I hit the wrong speed dial on my cell. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
He hit the button to end the call abruptly before Danny could reply and dropped his hand down to his knee. He was sitting out on the back porch, staring out into the pitch black, moonlight barely hitting the ocean because of the cloud cover. He could hear the waves but barely discern them through the darkness, just heard them crashing on the shore. His cell rang and for a hopeful moment he held it up, but Danny’s picture and name was on the screen. He considered dismissing the call but he knew Danny wouldn’t be ignored for long.
“Hey,” Steve answered, swallowing down around the lump that lurched painfully at the back of his throat.
“It’s after midnight,” Danny said, sounding more awake than three minutes ago. “Shouldn’t you be in bed?”
“Yeah I guess,” Steve agreed, standing up. “G’night Danno.”
“Hang up on me and I swear I’ll drive over there just to punch you,” Danny warned him. “You don’t call someone accidentally in the middle of the night Steve. What’s going on?”
“Nothing, nothing is going on,” Steve lied. The lump was getting bigger and when he rubbed a hand over his face it felt damp. “Sorry for waking you up Danny, really. Go back to sleep.”
“Jesus Steve,” Danny said, sounding serious, voice coming through gentler this time. “You sound like shit. What’s wrong? Is it Joanie?”
Steve smiled and could almost laugh because trust Danny’s instincts to instantly be concerned about Mary and the baby.
“No, no, Mary and Joanie are okay,” Steve assured him.
“Well something has happened and I’m not hanging up until you tell me what,” Danny informed him. Steve knew if he hung up on him, Danny would be on his doorstep in ten minutes no doubt about it.
“Before I called you,” Steve began, drawing in a deep breath. His chest hurt and he felt sick to his stomach. “I - Catherine and me, we, she called, we talked.”
There was a dead silence and Steve ran a hand through his hair, closing his eyes and tried to understand how in one simple phone call it was all over between them.
“Steve, man I-,” Danny stuttered as he read between the lines what Steve was saying to him. “I’m coming over.”
“No, it’s the middle of the night D,” Steve said shaking his head. “Go back to sleep, we can talk tomorrow.”
“Already heading out of the door brah,” Danny informed him. “Be there in ten.”
~
Danny let himself in, finding Steve moping on the sofa, slowly nursing a beer. Danny set the six pack he’d grabbed out of his fridge down on the coffee table. Steve looked at the beers then up at him with eyes that were brighter than usual, skin red and puffy. Danny sat down beside him and put a hand on his arm.
“I’m sorry man,” Danny assured him gently. “It’s a real shit deal.”
“You know I kinda knew it was going to happen,” Steve shrugged, taking a sip from his bottle. “But I didn’t want to admit it you know? When she didn’t mention coming home after rescuing Najib. When she started talking about helping out, setting up the school and stuff. I knew, I could hear it in her voice, she’d found something she really wanted to do and felt she was making a difference.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier,” Danny consoled quietly, grabbing himself a beer off the table and popping off the cap. “I know how much you both cared for one another.”
“Wasn’t enough though was it,” Steve said bitterly, swallowing down a mouthful of beer. “She said she loved me, but it wasn’t enough. I wasn’t enough.”
“Steve, don’t do this to yourself,” Danny shook his head at him. “You know she loves you and she knows you love her.”
“But she found something better,” Steve said, looking at him with unshed tears.
“No, she just-,” Danny said, squeezing his shoulder again as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer, only when it came to love, everything could be so complicated. “You know when Rachel filed for divorce, I still loved her and I know she still loved me. But it just wasn’t meant to be and I don’t know why really. It just was the way things went for us. Unfortunately babe, in life, this stuff happens and there’s no real easy way to understand why.”
“She said to move on, find somebody else,” Steve said, looking away and Danny could see the pain, the raw emotion as he recalled the phone call that had taken place. “I thought she was the one you know? How am I supposed to move on from that?”
“It’s not going to happen overnight,” Danny pointed out to him. “Or next week, or next month. It’s going to hurt for a long time, but you will move on Steve, eventually.”
“I miss her you know,” Steve said, rubbing a hand over his eyes before the tears there spilled out. “But I just focused on the day she’d be back. Now she’s saying she might not come back and I just - I miss her.”
“Of course you do,” Danny nodded. “We all do. She was my friend, Kono’s, Chin’s, she was part of the family. Part of us will be sad she’s not here, but part of us has to be happy she’s where she wants to be.”
“It’s hard, knowing you aren’t enough,” Steve said, voice cracking again. He took another gulp of his drink to prevent breaking down completely.
“Steve, you know that isn’t why,” Danny said.
“Yes it is,” Steve said angrily, sitting forward and focusing on the wall in front of them. “I love you, but I don’t want to be with you - it’s a slap in the face. It’s a fuck you to our whole relationship.”
“Babe, I know it feels like that,” Danny said gently, sitting forward and tentatively putting a hand on his back. “But you know Catherine. You know it isn’t that easy.”
“We should never have gone there,” Steve said grimly. “I should have made sure we got her out before we came home.”
Danny stayed quiet, rubbing his back soothingly instead. Steve was running high on emotions and there was little point in arguing. Time was a healer, Danny had learned that in the divorce. He felt Steve’s body shudder weakly under his hand and realised he was crying. He still didn’t say anything, let Steve get everything out now, in the dark of the night with only his best friend to witness the pain and anguish a break up put you through. Danny remembered how the divorce had sent him on an emotional rollercoaster, and Matty had been the one to comfort and support him through it, being there for him when he cried, when he got angry, when he tried to pick up the pieces. He didn’t focus on thoughts of his brother though, because that was something he currently couldn’t fix. Matty was still on the run and who knew where he was in the world.
“I’m sorry,” Steve said as he wiped his eyes.
“S’ok,” Danny assured him. “Better to let them out now than tomorrow at the office, because that would really be embarrassing.”
Steve gave a watery smile and a soft chuckle, “Yeah I guess. Thanks Danno.”
“Hey, any time, you know that,” Danny reminded him. “How’s about we get drunk and watch whatever shit they put on at this time of night? We can talk if and when you want to.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Steve nodded in agreement, taking the remote control off the coffee table and handing it to him. “You choose a channel, I’m going to go clean myself up.”
He stood up and headed for the stairs before pausing and looking back at him.
“Danny, thanks you know, for coming over,” He said quietly.
Danny could already see tears forming again, figuring maybe Steve was making an escape to cry a little more. He guessed maybe there was only so much kicking Steve’s pride could take in only a few hours. Danny got it, hell he’d lived it through the divorce, crying had become second nature for a time. He gave a shrug and looked Steve in the eye with a nod of understanding.
“Any time man, you know that,” He said firmly.
~ fin ~