Muted Response
I'm worried that my emotions are too hard for others to read. How can I fix that? When words fail, when there's the disconnect between what is said and what is felt, what's next?
Will you stay by me a bit longer? I'm 35. I can still hold out for family, yes? I just want someone that says "Whatever comes next, we will go together." Which, I suppose, is a massive ask.
I've gone from not trusting love to not trusting myself to finally being ready. I'm emotionally available. I'm here. And now? I don't know. I just. I'm here. Will you take me slightly damaged but with a good heart? When you are ready, I'm here.
Can we listen to vinyl records and drink black tea? Will we bake apples together and top it with homemade ice cream? You can have my fries, if you let me take exactly one sip of your milkshake. Let's go for a hike and watch the world and wonder how we can be so lucky to be there. To be together. Can I hold you while you cry and just be there? I know that sometimes it's better to just listen than to try to fix. So, I'm there. I'm here. I'm ready.
If I could do all of it over again, I wouldn't. I'd just go in the opposite direction. I'd get so lost in the woods. I'd run until my lungs burned, marveling at the ability of the body to propel itself into such a wild world.